Talk:Vivah/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ssven2 (talk · contribs) 02:52, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

I will review this article. Thank you. Ssven2 (talk) 02:52, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

Discussion

• @25 Cents FC: In general (meaning for the entire article), Remove the "INRConvert" and replace it with just INR (for example: ₹90 million (US$1.1 million) should be written as ₹ 90 million as the rates will keep changing. Ssven2 (talk) 03:17, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

Lead

• Can you try expanding it to three sections? Ssven2 (talk) 03:17, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• Remove the "Parinayam" reference and substitute it with another reliable source. Generally, speaking, video sources are rather inappropriate as a reliable source. Place the reference in the "Box Office" section as per WP:LEAD as you have written about the film's DVD release there. Ssven2 (talk) 03:17, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

Plot

• Replace "Chacha" and "Chachi" with "Uncle" and "Aunt" respectively for more clarity to readers. Ssven2 (talk) 03:17, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• "dark complexioned" can be rephrased as "dark in complexion". Ssven2 (talk) 03:17, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• "the soft spoken, charming and well-educated young scion." can be rephrased as ", who is a soft spoken and well-educated person." Ssven2 (talk) 04:02, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• replace "touches the heart of" with "impresses". Ssven2 (talk) 04:02, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• "fire emerges" can be rephrased as "fire breaks out". Ssven2 (talk) 04:02, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• "In this attempt Poonam gets heavily burnt." can be rephrased as "Poonam gets heavily burnt in the process." Ssven2 (talk) 04:02, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

Cast

• Replace "Chacha" and "Chachi" with "Uncle" and "Aunt" respectively for more clarity to readers. Ssven2 (talk) 04:23, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• Remove the "Mr." from Harishchandra. Just the name is enough Ssven2 (talk) 04:06, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

Production

• Remove the "once again" line from "the male lead is, once again, called Prem.". Re-write it as "the male lead is called Prem." Ssven2 (talk) 04:08, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• "Barjatya was very concerned about the music for the film. He said, since it's a lyrics oriented film, it should possess a lyrical feel." can be re-written as "Barjatya felt that the film should possess a lyrical feel, since it's a lyrics oriented film." Ssven2 (talk) 04:22, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• "He asked Sanjay Dhobade (art director) to" can be rephrased as "He asked the film's art director, Sanjay Dhobade, to". Ssven2 (talk) 04:22, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• Remove the line "for example portions where water leaking, half down posters and spit marks on wall." and replace it with "for example portions where water leaking takes place and spit marks." Ssven2 (talk) 04:22, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• Remove the line "Dhobade expressed his intent as it might not look visually pleasing." as the town is recreated later. Also remove "whole new", just "the town" is enough. Ssven2 (talk) 04:22, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• "have sold tickets themselves" can simply be written as "sold tickets". Ssven2 (talk) 04:22, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

Soundtrack

• "and featured efficient playback singers such as Udit Narayan, Shreya Ghoshal and Suresh Wadkar." can be removed. It looks like an honorific. Ssven2 (talk) 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• "The composer has put together a soundtrack of old world charm, with a full orchestra behind some of the best known voices of the Hindi movie." looks like peacockry and sholud be removed. Ssven2 (talk) 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

Box office performance

• Simply write the heading as "Box office". Ssven2 (talk) 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• "one of the most successful films of the year." can be rephrased as "a commerically succesful venture." Ssven2 (talk) 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• References next to the line, "The film opened well", can be placed at the end of the paragraph. Ssven2 (talk) 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• The line "which at the time was considered average-budget film by Bollywood standards" should be replaced simply with "the film" Ssven2 (talk) 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

Reviews

• Simply write it as "Critical response" instead of "Reviews". Ssven2 (talk) 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

Influence

• "He announced to create an entire exhibition around her and noted her tremendous potential" can be rephrased as "He planned to create an entire exhibition around her". 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• Find a suitable and more simpler synonym for "attendees". Ssven2 (talk) 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• "huge paandal" can be removed. Just "festive banner" is enough. Ssven2 (talk) 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

• "Several movies have been highly successful in Bihar and their protagonists have been emulated by the movie goers; in Vivah's case, it became fashionable to marry like Poonam and Prem from Vivah." should be replaced with "Vivah inspired couples at that time to emulate the protagonists." Ssven2 (talk) 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

References

• Follow a single reference style. Would be better to archive them all as there are only 37. The reference style to be followed is for example like this "Kazmi, Nikhat (11 November 2006). Film review - Vivah. The Times of India. Retrieved 3 August 2014." Ssven2 (talk) 04:42, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

I am going to place it on hold. Ssven2 (talk) 04:17, 13 December 2014 (UTC)

Since the nominator has been absent from Wikipedia for 2 months, I have to fail this article. Don't feel bad, User:25 Cents FC, you address the concerns shown in the review first, then re-nominate it after another good copyedit by sending it to the requests page. Find some more information, especially the "Production" and "Influence" section. Be present on Wikipedia, especially when you have nominated an article for GA or FA. Ssven2 (talk) 06:36, 16 December 2014 (UTC)