Talk:Vale Royal Abbey/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Aircorn (talk · contribs) 09:29, 24 January 2019 (UTC)
That was an interesting read. Very well written. Some minor comments below. AIRcorn (talk) 09:29, 24 January 2019 (UTC)
Comments
[edit]The Darnhall site itself was, however, soon found to be unsuitable for the huge buildings planned
I like the writing style as it is engaging, but I am not sure this "however" is necessary or encyclopedic.
- Agree, removed.
- In the map what does the shaded area represent?
- I've added
Cheshire, in red, shown within England
—is that what you meant?
- I've added
However, wool exports were the abbey's main source of income. In 1283, Abbot Chaumpeneys acknowledged receipt of 53s 6d 8p as an advance on the abbey's eventual delivery of twelve sacks of collecta.
Not keen on the external wikilink, even if it is to wikitonary. I know this is allowed, but I don't feel the definition at that page adds much to the article. Would also be interesting to know what 53s 6d 8p is in todays terms.
- I've added a footnote explaining the process for the Abbey's wool sales—fn#4.
These transactions were paid for before the merchant sold on on the proviso that it was put to the "common profit of his house."
Not sure who the he in the quote is referring to.
- Tweaked the sentence.
This meant not only that they lost all the corn...
"not only that they" could probably be written better
- How about
As a result, the monks both lost all the corn they had stored in them when it happened and also had to purchase sufficient to live on
?
- How about
- A {{when}} tag needs to be resolved
- Added 1509.
- The quote boxes don't have any context. Who said this and why?
- Good point; added attribution.
("then novel in England")
Why is this in quote marks and brackets?
- Absolutely pointless :) absorbed into text body:
...similar—and modern—design of Toledo Cathedral
- Absolutely pointless :) absorbed into text body:
Edith (Edith Pretty)
Why is Edith Pretty in brackets
- Ah, that's from the previous main author: have linked and removed brackets, etc.
It is a Grade II* listed building
What does the asterix mean?
- It's a grade of listing :) sorry, I don't know much about it myself, but it links to it's page and is sourced.
- An access date needs resolving in the bibliography
- Added, and formatted the refs generally while I was there.
- Fixed.
- Images seem fine
- Assuming good faith on the references as I don't have access to the books
- I feel like the lead is a little breif considering the size of the article. Everything seems to be covered so not a failing condition, but it would be nice to expand on the finances, relationships with neighbours, the circumstances of the dissolution etc.
@Serial Number 54129: In case this has been missed. AIRcorn (talk) 07:14, 30 January 2019 (UTC)
- Sorry for the delay, Aircorn, I've been "AFK" for a couple of weeks :) I'll get to it soon though. Cheers! ——SerialNumber54129 13:59, 11 February 2019 (UTC)
- No problem. I have a bit on with my own GA at the moment. Ping me back here when you are ready for me to have a second look. BTW an ip was making changes in line with this review. I assumed it was you. Either way, some of my point above may have already been addressed. Cheers AIRcorn (talk) 05:10, 14 February 2019 (UTC)
- @Aircorn: Hope all is well with you. Just FYI, but I have finished dealing with your (excellent) suggestions. I'm going to expand the lead also as it is slightly brief, I agree. You're correct, the IP was me—I was at the hospital at the time, and bizarrely, it wouldn't let me log in for love nor money, but the internet was otherwise fine. Have a good weekend! ——SerialNumber54129 19:22, 23 February 2019 (UTC)
- Had a pretty good weekend thanks. Had to work (my boss is a prick), but on the plus side I thrashed my daughter at mini put. Hope you are feeling better and the hospital visit wasn't too serious. The changes look good. This was a really well written article and as the lead is adequate I am happy to pass it to Good standard. Congratulations. AIRcorn (talk) 07:22, 24 February 2019 (UTC)
- @Aircorn: Hope all is well with you. Just FYI, but I have finished dealing with your (excellent) suggestions. I'm going to expand the lead also as it is slightly brief, I agree. You're correct, the IP was me—I was at the hospital at the time, and bizarrely, it wouldn't let me log in for love nor money, but the internet was otherwise fine. Have a good weekend! ——SerialNumber54129 19:22, 23 February 2019 (UTC)
- No problem. I have a bit on with my own GA at the moment. Ping me back here when you are ready for me to have a second look. BTW an ip was making changes in line with this review. I assumed it was you. Either way, some of my point above may have already been addressed. Cheers AIRcorn (talk) 05:10, 14 February 2019 (UTC)