Talk:United Arab Emirates at the 2012 Summer Olympics

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:United Arab Emirates at the 2012 Summer Olympics/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: MrLinkinPark333 (talk · contribs) 18:16, 11 July 2020 (UTC)

Hello! It's been awhile since I've done a GA review. I've seen this one wasn't claimed by someone, so I thought I do it especially since I've reviewed a few countries at X Olympics articles before. As per usual, if you have any questions/comments, please feel free to reply here in the review. For the below table, I'll use it for my initial passthrough. Question marks are for points that require a little bit of work while red marks are for ones that require a lot of work. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:16, 11 July 2020 (UTC)

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Lead Y

• Question of whether it was 26 or 27 athletes per Ali Mabkhout. Unless the number only counts the ones who were selected first, and not the alternative who played later?
  • Dealt with since the alternative isn't counted. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:22, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
• The highest UAE result was 9th by weightlifter Khadija Mohammad, not the 13th placed shooters.Y
  • Fixed MWright96 (talk) 20:00, 11 July 2020 (UTC)
• Note to self: Will need to recheck after a analysis of the entire article

Infobox Y

• The United Arab Emirates National Olympic Committee's website is now at this website per the IOC reference in the background section.Y
  • Changed MWright96 (talk) 20:00, 11 July 2020 (UTC)
• There were 27 competitors for UAE, not 26, if Ali Mabkhout is counted. However, a source would be to be verified in the Football section first before the number is adjusted.Y
  • The FIFA source says Ali Mabkhout was an alternate player MWright96 (talk) 20:00, 11 July 2020 (UTC)
    • Yep. I'm not doubting he was an alternate player. The problem is that note c in the football roster doesn't verify he was in the final group stage match. I was going to state it there in the football section, but I guess I'll mention it here too. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:12, 11 July 2020 (UTC)
      • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 08:22, 12 July 2020 (UTC)
• As Mabkhout is verifed to have played, is he not counted as part of the total because he was an alternate like the other 3?Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:18, 12 July 2020 (UTC)
  • That is correct MWright96 (talk) 19:40, 12 July 2020 (UTC)

Extended content

Background Y P1: Y "The nation debuted at the Olympics four years later at the 1984 Los Angeles Summer Games...their eighth appearance at a Summer Olympiad" - I think this should be split into two sentences per the comma splice.Y Reworded MWright96 (talk) 20:00, 11 July 2020 (UTC) The city names (Los Angeles / London) aren't mentioned in the Olympic Reference page for the UAE - making this Original Research. However, if you think this is common knowledge, it'd be fine.Y Reworded MWright96 (talk) 20:00, 11 July 2020 (UTC) P2 Y "The United Arab Emirates named its Olympic team at the Dubai Aquarium on 21 June 2012" - technically they named only part of their team (6 athletes) on that date per Reuters. They hadn't said who'd compete in the athletics and football at that date. If you could find when they named the rest of the team, it'd help as this is partially incomplete. If not, then "named its Olympic team" -> "named part of its Olympic team"Y Done MWright96 (talk) 20:00, 11 July 2020 (UTC) Side note: Reuteurs said there was going to be an UAE sailing team for the 2012 Olympics. However, I don't see them qualifying that year so I don't think it's accurate. You can skip the sailing one. "Shaikh Ahmed bin Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum" - comma needed before and after this name.Y Done MWright96 (talk) 20:04, 11 July 2020 (UTC) "and various government delegates to the Games" - yep, but also sports executives as well.Y Added MWright96 (talk) 20:00, 11 July 2020 (UTC) "and a LOCOG Games Maker held it for the closing ceremony." - could you wikilink/expand LOCOG as it's an unfamiliar acronym? I had to look it up to determine it was the organizing committee for the games.Y Wikilinked MWright96 (talk) 20:00, 11 July 2020 (UTC) Athletics Y P1:Y "and was likewise making her only appearance in Olympic competition as of 2020" - I suggest removing "likewise" as it's a separate fact from her age.Y Done MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Also, the Olympic Reference source would need to be adjusted to show she didn't compete in 2016 as the sentence says "as of 2020". Or, you could reword to state that it had been her only Olympic appearance as of 2012.Y Done MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "underwent intensive training in Addis Ababa" - close paraphrasing of the Sport360 source that needs to be rephrased. Note: see belowY Reworded MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Conditioning doesn't seem like the right word here. I'm more concerned with "intensive" as it's an unique word compared to "training". So, if intensive was reworded/dropped, then I think it'd be fine. Reworded for the second time MWright96 (talk) 16:35, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "Her coach said he was optimistic" - another word for optimistic is needed as Sports360 stated it, not Desalegn's coach. Note: see belowY Reworded MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "Her coach said she would advance" -> "Her coach said she could advance" (as her coach said she had the possibility to qualify, not definite) Done MWright96 (talk) 16:35, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Desalegn's heat is located at this link on ESPN, and not the one currently linked.Y Fixed MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "Since the top three in each heat plus the next six fastest runners could make the semi-finals" - ESPN doesn't verify which competitors could qualify for the semi-final. Extra source needed.Y Used source from Olympedia MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Also, the math is off as 24 competitors ran in the semi-final, not 15 as there were 3 heats. Note: see belowY Fixed MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Based on Olympedia, it'd be top three in each heat plus the next fifteen fastest runners as 24 qualified for the 2 semi-finals. This was before 4 of the qualifiers in the heats were DQed. Fixed MWright96 (talk) 16:35, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Note b is a little bit inaccurate with who DNS/DNF. There was one DNF and one DNS during the heats and a DNF during the final. Note: see belowY Changed the wording MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Whoops. I meant Note A, but you knew what I meant LOL. A minor correction: "Seven more athletes" -> "Seven athletes" (as the DNS/DNF heat runners werent disqualifed). Fixed MWright96 (talk) 16:35, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "because she had a cold which hindered her performance." - I think "hindered" isn't the right word here. Maybe something more neutral would work. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 22:06, 11 July 2020 (UTC)Y Changed the wording MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) P2 Y "He was making his debut in the Olympic Games in London...less than the "B" qualifying standard of 16.85 m (55.3 ft) for his competition." - two sentences pleaseY Done MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Also, "He was making his debut in the Olympic Games in London" -> He was making his debut at the Olympic Games in LondonY Done MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "having qualified for the men's triple jump by using a wild card" - The National said it was an invite with the wildcard, so qualified isnt correct as he was 5 cms short.Y Reworded MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "5 cm (2.0 in) less than the "B" qualifying standard" - a slight reword needed as its similar to The National in order to pass limited wording.Y Changed MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "Darwish trained under the coach Svetoslav Topuzov to prepare for the London Olympics" - I don't think it's important to mention his coach as the name of Desalegn's coach wasn't mentioned. I suggest removing this part. Note: see belowY Done MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Since you removed the coach, the sport360.com source (ready for challenge) is no longer needed. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 15:41, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Removed MWright96 (talk) 16:35, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Alternativelly, I suggest keeping the barefoot part in the adjacent sentence while making sure it's grammatically correct after the previous sentence is removed.Y Merged into the previous sentence MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "Darwish fouled on his first try," - close paraphrasing that needs a slight rewording for limited wording.Y Done MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "Darwish said post-event that he did not where he was weak" - I think you mean "Darwish said post-event that he did not know where he was weak"Y Changed the wording MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) The sentence also is a bit contradictory, as he later explained what went wrong during the first and second attempt later in the article. Unless “I cannot say what went wrong,” is referring to what happened to him in comparison to the warmup/Asian Games. So stating he didn't know where he was weak seems a bit incorrect unless I'm reading too much into it. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 22:38, 11 July 2020 (UTC) Note: see belowY Changed the wording MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "because he felt nothing before the competition" -> "because he felt nothing wrong before the competition" (otherwise, it sounds like he was numb). --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 15:41, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Done MWright96 (talk) 16:35, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Football Y Prose: Y "qualified for the men's football tournament by topping Group B" - I suggest rewording "topping" as its very close to the Emirates247 source and an unique word.Y Done MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "included players from clubs in the UAE Pro League" - true, but I had to search outside of the FIFA source to verify this. I think an extra source to show the UAE Pro League teams at the team would be helpful. Otherwise, it's not clear which league the teams belonged to with FIFA alone.Y Added a source from The National that states this MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Nice find! --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 15:55, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Can "drawn to play" be reworded to avoid an exact match of Arabian Busisness or is that a common phrase?Y It's a common phrase MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Okay. Google verifies it. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 15:55, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "with goals from Gastón Ramírez on 42 minutes and Nicolás Lodeiro after 56 minutes". -> with a goal from Gastón Ramírez at 42 minutes and Nicolás Lodeiro at 56 minutes.Y Done MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) I thought it would be confusing with "goals from Gastón Ramírez" as it would suggest he scored more than 1, but nevermind. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 15:55, 12 July 2020 (UTC) The GB vs UAE FIFA match link is wrong. Had to dig around the archives, but found it here (it's currently dead). So that URL/Archived information needs updating.Y Fixed MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Bwahaha. Of course, I didn't check Archive.today. That works too! --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 15:55, 12 July 2020 (UTC) FIFA doesn't specify Giggs was Captain for Great Britain.Y Removed MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) It also doesn't state Bellamy's first name. If you want to keep Giggs as Captain and/or Bellamy's first name, then an extra source is needed.Y Used an article from the Belfast Telegraph MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "curled the ball over the top of UAE goalkeeper Ali Khasif's head" - I don't see FIFA specifying it "curled" (they said "sailed over" which I don't think is the same thing),Y Changed the wording MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) FIFA also doesn't specifiy which part of the goalkeeper's body Sturridge's goal went over. It only said it went over the goalkeeper. Note: see belowY Reworded MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) This one I'm being picky with. "went over the top of UAE goalkeeper Ali Khasif" -> "went over UAE goalkeeper Ali Khasif" (as it doesn't specify which half of his body it went over). --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 15:55, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Done MWright96 (talk) 16:35, 12 July 2020 (UTC) "as the nation finished bottom of the group and advanced no further with a single point." - I think "bottom of the group" should be reworded as it closely resembles Goal.comY Also, the source is wrong as it says UAE finished with two points and tied with Uruguay. The Wikitable below shows that's not the case. Another source needed to show UAE finished the tournament in last with the other table teams and with one point.Y To both points; used the source from Sports Reference MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Perfect! That was annoying that the source was wrong :/ --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 15:55, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Tables: Y I'm not 100% sure Khamis Esmaeel's team was Emirates. FIFA has it as El Emarat. I tried searching to see if it was under a previous name but no luck. While London 2012 says El Emarat, Olympic Reference does say Emirates. So, I think an extra source for Emirates would be needed as it contradicts FIFA. It could be the newer name but I'm not sure.Y Used the former Sports Reference MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Alrighty. If you do see a source mentioning it was El Emarat, feel free to swap the source. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 15:55, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Minor: extra 4 after html needs to be removed from UAE vs Great Britian match for the link to work. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 02:59, 12 July 2020 (UTC)Y Fixed MWright96 (talk) 08:21, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Football extra stuff Y I realized after I logged off I missed some points. I'll check the above points as well: If Mabkhout did indeed play as an alternative (I see the note was changed), Note C needs a source that shows this was the case. FIFA only lists the alternatives, not who played in the matches.Y Added source MWright96 (talk) 16:35, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Nice find! --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:17, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Otherwise, if Mabkhout did not play, the three other alternatives should be listed as well or Mabkhout can be removed if none of the alternates played. I noticed that the date of the third footy match isn't mentioned, while the dates for the first and second are said. To be consistent, I suggest adding the date.Y Done MWright96 (talk) 16:35, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Need a source in the footy roster to show Matar was the captain for UAE.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 14:51, 12 July 2020 (UTC) Added MWright96 (talk) 16:36, 12 July 2020 (UTC)

Judo Y

• "He was the second Judoka after Saeed Rashid Al Qubais" - Judoka requires to be switched to a lowercase j.Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• "but this was upgraded to a direct entry through his participation in the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix" - yes but specifically he had enough points during the Grand Prix over the years.Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• " extreme sensitivity to light" - needs a bit of rewording as its word for word matchY
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• "He took part in the second round of the men's 66kg competition" - Could his bye in the first round be mentioned with a source?Y
  • Added MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Also, Gulf News said he competed in the first round, which contradicts the judo table. I think the table is right so an extra source is needed to verify he competed in the second round. You can replace the Sport360 one if it's easier for you as it was published before his match.Y
    • Changed MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• "and faced world number 10" - I think "world number 10" could be reworded a tiny bit for limited wording.Y
  • Changed MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• "Al-Derei lost when Awad caused an elbow injury" - technically he lost because of the ippon. So, this sentence could be reordered to: elbow injury, lost after ippon.Y
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• "that restricted his movement a minute after the game commenced" - I don't see the arm twist happen a minute after per Gulf News, but it was right from the beginning of the match. A tiny tweak needed to when exactly the arm twist happened. You could drop "a minute" if you want for a quick solution.Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• "and executed a match-winning Ippon" - close paraphrasing of The National that needs fixing.Y
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Ippon is fine when you're rewording as that's the match move, but it doesn't require a capital letter.Y
    • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
• "He said post-match that Awad's grip was too tight but was proud to have competed in the Olympics." - this seems like two separate facts. Gulf News's quote mentions the arm injury/happy to be part of Olympics in separate parts of the article. His quote in The National says he was happy even though he didn't win. So, these two setences might need to be separated as they arent connected.Y
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
  • "Awad's grip was too tight" - this closely resembles Al-Derei's quote in Gulf News and requires a tiny rewording to avoid a direct match.Y
    • Changed the wording MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
  • "but was proud to have competed in the Olympics." - closely resembles in The National. If you reworded "proud", it'd be fine as the rest isnt unique enough.Y
    • Removed MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
      • Fair enough. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 01:47, 14 July 2020 (UTC)

--MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 23:08, 12 July 2020 (UTC)

Second check after checking the above changes Y:

• "at ExCeL London on 29 July and faced 10th ranked judoka in the world Ahmed Awad of Egypt" - could this be separated into a separate source (while making it grammatically correct)? The previous part "in the Round of 32 of the men's 66kg competition," sounds choppy with a comma before "at Excel London". --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 01:39, 14 July 2020 (UTC) Note: see next point.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:26, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
    • Almost done with this point. Slight typo with "She faced 10th ranked judoka" -> "He faced 10th ranked judoka".Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 19:58, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
      • D'oh, now fixed MWright96 (talk) 20:04, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
        • No worries! I almost missed it too :) --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:09, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
• "and that his opponent was a deserving winner." - I suggest using a different word than "deserving" as its an unique word similar from Al-Derei's quote in Gulf News. Note: see below
  • Changed MWright96 (talk) 07:26, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
    • I think "worthy" is used in the wrong way, as worthy alone means notable. I think you mean "was worthy of his win" as it means earned.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 19:58, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
      • Done MWright96 (talk) 20:04, 18 July 2020 (UTC)

Judo table Y

• Similarily, the Gulf News source needs to be swapped to show Al-Derei's bye in the first round, and the points in the second round.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 23:08, 12 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
    • Great find! --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 01:48, 14 July 2020 (UTC)

Shooting Y

P1 Y:

• "He attained qualification for the skeet competition" - Gulf News isn't specific that Saeed Al-Maktoum qualified for the skeet competition, just that he qualified for the Olympics. So, either the source could be swapped or another could be added to specify that he qualified for the skeet event.Y
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "long-term training camp Italy before the Games." - word for word of "long-term training camp" that needs rephrasingY
  • Rephrased MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Also "long-term training camp Italy" -> long-term training camp in Italy (after the above is rephrased)Y
    • Added MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "On 30 July, Al-Maktoum took part in the qualification round of the skeet tournament at the Royal Artillery Barracks." - need a source to show the qualification was held at the Royal Artillery Barracks.Y
  • Also, the qualifications for the skeet event were on 31 July, not 30 July per NY Times.Y
    • Corrected MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "and rushing himself on occasion" - "rushing himself" is very close to Saeed's quote in Sport360, which means it'd need to be rephrased.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 21:17, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)

P2 Y

• "Juma Al-Maktoum was 28 years old at the London Games" - needs a source/swap source to show he was 28 at the times of the games as Gulf News doesnt state it.Y
  • Added and corrected age of athlete MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "He qualified for the Olympic double trap tournament by winning the gold medal in the discipline" -> He qualified for the Olympic double trap tournament after winning the gold medal in the discipline (see P3).Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "went to a training camp outside of Milan in Italy" - similar to the Gulf News source that needs a bit of rewording for limited wording.Y
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
  • "outside of Milan in Italy" -> outside of Milan (to prevent redundancy). You can wikilink Milan if you wish but not a priority.Y
    • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "He said of his chances in London," - I'm not 100% sure if that summarizes his quote correctly. From my understanding, he was happy to participate and that he had no issues with the training. Perhaps another phrase is needed to introduce his quote before the Olympics started. But, I could be reading too much into it.Y
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
    • I see you literally used what I said :P --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:17, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "On 2 August Al-Maktoum competed in the qualification round" - comma after August please.Y
  • Added MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "after he scored a respective 42, 45 and 46 points" - I think respective is an incorrect word here as it pertains to two or more people. So, "a respective" can be dropped as the rest of the sentence is good.Y
  • Removed MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "four less points than the two lowest scoring shooters" - The lowest qualifiers had 137 points, while Juma Al-Maktoum had 133. The lowest score was 114 by the Croatian shooter, so you need the lowest qualifiers, not the lowest overall score. Up to you if you want to repeat "the two lowest scoring qualifiers" again or use a different phrasing.Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "and was not able to advance to the final of the event" - Olympics.org doesn't mention the final, just who qualified and didn't. I think mainly because they're retesting the London 2012 samples.Y
  • Replaced with Olympedia MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)

P3 Y

• "Dhaher Al-Aryani was making his Olympic debut" - "making his Olympic debut" is word for word with the Sport 360 source. Slight rephrase needed.Y:
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "He qualified for the Games for the men's trap event through his participation in the 2012 Asian Shooting Championships" - ISSF contradicts this with this link in the Quota Place and Minimum Qualification Score sections for several reasons. 1) While Al-Aryani had won a qualification spot with the Quota Place, its up to the country's team to send their competitors to the Olympics/Youth Olympic Games. 2) Al-Aryani and the other shooters would only be allowed to receive a Quota Place if they scored a minimum amount of points delegated by the ISSF. So, just participating in the Asian Shooting Championships would not guarantee that he'd enter the Olympics either. Note: see below.
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
    • Only additional point is that the How to qualify for the games should be adjusted to this link, as is shows the 2012 qualification (the current link was for 2008).Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:49, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
      • Done MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
  • On a different point, "He qualified for the Games for the men's trap event" -> "He qualified for the Games in the men's trap event" (as it sounds redundadnt saying "for" twice. Yes i'm being nitpicky.) Note:: see below
    • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
      • After the new edits: "He qualified for the men's trap event through using a quota place" -> "He qualified for the men's trap event by using a quota place" - YMrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:37, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
        • Done MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
• "The team's trap shooting coach Rustam Yambulatov said that hot weather would help Al-Aryani." + true, but this was mentioned by Yambulatov if the Olympics became hot. At the time of the shooting event, it wasn't hot but mild. Note: see below.
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
    • I just realized that this sentence is out of place in terms of chronological order. Yambulatov's quote was during the trap qualification on August 6th (it mentions that Al Aryani already had 65 points). Therefore, I think this quote by Yambulatov should be reordered after mentioning the dates of the trap qualification but before mentioning his overall two-day score. Your rephrase is alright, just needs to be reordered. Note: --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:34, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
      • Done MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
        • Almost there. "said on 6 August Al-Aryani would be helped" -> said on 6 August that Al-Aryani would be helped (for grammar) Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:06, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
          • Changed MWright96 (talk) 20:13, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
• "He accumulated 17 points less than the two lowest ranked qualifiers" - 15 points not 17 as the Top 6 scorers qualified. The lowest qualifers had 122 points in comparasion to Al-Aryani's 107.Y
  • Corrected MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)

Table Y

• Same issue with Juma Al-Maktoum's Olympic.org not mentioning the final.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:34, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Replaced with Olympedia MWright96 (talk) 07:21, 14 July 2020 (UTC)

Swimming Y

• "was granted a universality place...for the men's 100 metre breaststroke" - this is very long especially after the comma of "who at the age of 24 was competing in his first Olympic Games,". I suggest making the universality spot a different source.Y
  • Done and rewritten the sentence MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
  • "from the world governing body of swimming FINA" - Swimswam doesn't mention FINA is the "world governing body of swimming" so this could be dropped.Y
    • Removed MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
  • "after his best time of 1 minute, 4.60 seconds" - the PDF file doesn't state it was his best time, so "best" could be dropped.Y
    • added source to say it was his personal best and the event he set it at MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
• In terms of the sources, this FINA source at page 5 contradicts the SwimSwam source in terms of the FINA invitation time (it was published months after the SwimSwam source). So, it's possible the time was updated as the qualifying time is the same, but the invitation time is different). So, both the time and time difference from B class would need to be updated.Y
  • Updated MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
  • "Alternatively, the Universality places PDF doesn't have a date on it nor say these times were for the Olympics. So, I think this source needs to be replaced to show Al-Besher gained a universality place and has his time.Y
    • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
      • I see Swimming World links to that PDF, so it's fine now. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:25, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
• "He attended training camps in Málaga, Spain and London, United Kingdom" - at the time of the Sport360 source, he hadn't trained in London yet, only in Spain. So London could be removed.Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Also, while adjusting the sentence, "training camp in Malaga" would need to be tweaked for limited wording.Y
    • Done MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
• ""So God willing, if I clock 1min 3sec or 1min 2sec, I will be very happy in London" - this quote comes later in the Sport 360 source than ""Inshallah, I’ll clock another personal best in London. I’m expecting a surprise there" and is not in the same quote. Therefore, I suggest either separating the quotes or only keeping one of them.Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
• "since the competition's formal allowed only the quickest 16 competitors to enter the semi-finals" - Do you mean format instead of formal?Y
  • Changed MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Also. the London 2012 source doesn't specify semi-finals, but that the qualifiers would advance to the "next phase". So, another source would be needed to show the semi-finals happened right after the qualifiers.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 23:19, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
    • Swapped out source MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)

Table Y

• London 2012 does not show that Al Besher failed to reach the semi-finals/finals. I recommend swapping out the source.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 23:19, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)

Weightlifting Y

• "Khadija Mohammed participated on the United Arab Emirates' behalf" -> "Khadija Mohammed participated on the United Arab Emirates's behalf"Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
• "at the 2012 Asian Weightlifting Championships in South Korea in April that year" - I think it's a bit redundant saying "in" twice. So, I think this could be simplified like the Asian Shooting Championships sentence in the first paragraph of the shooting section. Note: see below.
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
    • Bit redundant saying April 2012 as it's already mentioned that the championships were held in 2012.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:38, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
      • Done MWright96 (talk) 05:56, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
• "the first hijab or head scarf wearing athlete" - a slight reword of Deseret News needed for limited wording for the "first hijab or head scarf" part.Y
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
• "Financial issues and delayed payment of salaries left her unprepared." - I'm not sure this is 100% neutral. Kahleej Times said her preparation wasn't good, but that the money issues made it more bad. So, while she already had bad preparation beforehand, the money issues were additional reasons why her preparation was not good, not the sole reasons. Note: see Additional comments section.Y
  • Reworded MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
  • This is also contradicted by Khadija vows to make a statement for UAE women, as it says she trained before the event. Note: see below.
    • Added MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
      • Only Gulf News mentions her training, not Kahleej Times. So you don't need the other source.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 01:27, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
        • Done MWright96 (talk) 05:56, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Alternativelly, "delayed payment of salaries" is similar to Kahleej Times that needs rewording.Y
    • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
• "Mohammed said that she wanted to venture to London to make "a statement on behalf of women from the UAE and the Gulf countries" and inspire young girls to take up weightlifting." - apart from the quoted part ("a statement"), the rest of this sentence looks similar to Mohammad's quotes in the Gulf News source. Therefore, they need rephrasing as they're not being quoted (before and after "a statement on behalf of women from the UAE and the Gulf countries"). Note: see next point.
  • Rewritten MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
    • Almost there. If you reword "young girls", you'd be set with this point.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 01:33, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
      • Done MWright96 (talk) 05:56, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
• "During the event's snatch phase, Mohammed was given three attempts, successfully lifting 51 kg (112 lb) of weight before failing at 53 kg (117 lb)." - Sports360 doesn't specify the three attempts for the snatch, only the clean and jerk. Extra/new source needed for the snatch event only.Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Also, "successfully lifting" and "failing" should be changed to past tense, as "Mohammed was given three attempts" is past tense.Y
    • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
  • "before failing at 53kg" - word for word of Sport360 that needs to be changed. "Failing" could easily be changed to fixed this.Y
    • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
• "in the clean and jerk phrase." -> I think you mean phase.Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
• "Overall, the combination of Mohammed's highest scores in snatch (51) and clean and jerk (62) yielded a score of 113 points" - I don't think you need (51) and (62) as it's already mentioned, and it sounds like side comments.Y
  • Removed MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)
• "152 points behind the gold medallist Lidia Valentín of Spain" - I think mentioning who won the gold loses its focus from the UAE and changes it to Spain. I think this should be removed. If you want to incorporate Note E into the prose, you could add it after "She ranked ninth in the event" as it'd be a very small sentence.Y
  • Removed MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)

Table: Y

• Olympedia has Mohammad's rank in both the Snatch and Clean & Jerk as 9th, not 12th. This was after the retests that bumped her from 12th to 9th.Y

--MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:05, 15 July 2020 (UTC)

• • Changed MWright96 (talk) 07:29, 16 July 2020 (UTC)

Additional comments per past edits Y

• "While she had some training prior to the Games" - Gulf News doesn't specify she only had some training, so "While she had some training" -> "While she had trained"Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 05:56, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
• "were additional reasons that it became worse" -> "were reasons why it became worse" (there were only 2 reasons why it became worse. Yes I said additional reasons in the above section).Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 05:56, 18 July 2020 (UTC)

Images and captions Y

• As the Royal Artillery Barracks and ExCel London are both buildings, I think they require Freedom of Panorama-United Kingdom licenses like the one included with the London Aquatics Centre picture.Y
  • Added MWright96 (talk) 19:00, 11 July 2020 (UTC)
• While the Ismail Mattar picture was uploaded by an user who is now blocked, I think this picture is fine as the only search results with TinEye are mirrors.
• where Humaid Al-Derei took part in judo competition -> where Humaid Al-Derei took part in the judo competition --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:16, 11 July 2020 (UTC)Y
  • Corrected MWright96 (talk) 19:00, 11 July 2020 (UTC)
• Just realized this: "The Royal Artillery Barracks, where three Emirati shooters competed in the men's double trap shooting competition." -> The Royal Artillery Barracks, where three Emirati shooters competed in the shooting competitions. (As UAE was in the trap, double trap and skeet). --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 21:19, 13 July 2020 (UTC)Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
• "The London Aquatics Centre, where Mubrarak Al-Besher competed in swimming events." -> The London Aquatics Centre, where Mubrarak Al-Besher competed in the 100 m breaststroke (as he only was in the breaststroke, not multiple events). --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 21:21, 13 July 2020 (UTC)Y
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:07, 14 July 2020 (UTC)

Sources Y

• I'm not 100% sure about Sports360.Y
  • It's a daily sports newspaper published in the UAE. MWright96 (talk) 20:00, 11 July 2020 (UTC)
• I'm waiting for the result with the Fox news RFC here. Should be closed within a few days.
  • Update: Fox News RFC closure is now extended to 2 weeks as of July 13th. So, I think as the RFC was closed for comments on July 7th, it'd be closed on July 21st with this extension. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 01:56, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
    • Have decided to replace the Fox News article with the same AP one from Deseret News MWright96 (talk) 15:03, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
      • That was a good idea to switch it out instead of having to wait for the RFC. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:23, 18 July 2020 (UTC)

Last minute checks Y

This is for stuff that I hadn't spotted before, especially with grammar.

• Football: "Its first match was between Uruguay" -> Its first match was against Uruguay --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 23:26, 12 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Done MWright96 (talk) 07:08, 13 July 2020 (UTC)Y
• Judo: It might be worth mentioning when Al Qubaisi, the first ever judoika, competed for UAE. Otherwise, you could drop Al Qubaisi if its not worth comparing (2008 to 2016) and just keep that Al Derei was UAE's second ever judo competitor. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 05:50, 13 July 2020 (UTC) Note: see below.
  • Reworded the sentence MWright96 (talk) 07:08, 13 July 2020 (UTC)
    • Sentence would be to be rephrased as "second judoka to represent the United Arab Emirate" is very close to The National source.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 19:49, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
      • Done MWright96 (talk) 19:59, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
• Athletics: do you happen to know which stadium/building the events were held? This is the only sport that doesnt mention the location. If not, then it's okay to skip it.Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 23:22, 14 July 2020 (UTC)
  • Added MWright96 (talk) 06:49, 15 July 2020 (UTC)

Overall

@MWright96: I think I've checked everything. I'll have to reread all of this after I check the Swimming edits, and once the weightlifting issues are resolved. I especially will have to recheck for any other grammar/spelling issues and if I missed any neturality/manual of style spots, plus save the lead for last. Overall:

• Criteria that passes: has reflist, article is stable, no issue with manual of style, main topics are covered,
• Small issues: One sentence I believe isnt't netural (Mohammed being unprepared in comparison to what the Kahleej Times/Gulf News sources said), few points where too much detail needed to be removed (i.e. mentioning who won the gold in weightlifting)
• Medium issues: Question of whether Fox News is reliable per the ongoing RFC, additional Panorama licenses needed to be added for two UK buildings, Captions needed to be updated for grammar/factual accuracy, additional spelling/grammar in ssections (i.e. formal -> format, phrase -> phase).
• Big issues: Original Research in terms of sources not verifying content/not 100% accurate to what source says, Copyvio of word for word exact phrasing/close paraphrasing of content.

As most of this was already completed while I was reviewing, I'm willing to put this on hold for a week (until July 22nd) then check from there. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:41, 15 July 2020 (UTC)

• @MrLinkinPark333: Have addressed all points raised above. Awaiting other points that need addressing. MWright96 (talk) 09:11, 16 July 2020 (UTC)

@MWright96: Alrighty. I believe you are all set. I wasn't expecting that Fox News RFC to effect this nomination lol! But, I saw you swapped it out so you didn't have to wait. I would have extended the hold if I had to because of the source, but that didn't need to happen. Promoting to GA. Well done! --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:25, 18 July 2020 (UTC)