Talk:Twilight Sparkle/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: Pamzeis (talk · contribs) 19:00, 22 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Cessaune (talk · contribs) 03:38, 2 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hey, I can review this. Will be done in about a week. Thanks! Cessaune [talk] 03:38, 2 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Cessaune: any updates? This review appears to be abandoned. Skyshiftertalk 17:07, 13 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Cessaune, you've kept Pamzeis waiting for nearly three months now. Do you plan on completing this review? Pamzeis, at this point I'd consider relisting so a more active reviewer can begin working on this. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 21:35, 27 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Very, very sorry, I forgot about this. Working on it now; will be done before 12:00 UTC tomorrow. My bad! Cessaune [talk] 01:09, 28 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

User:Pamzeis, here we go.

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Lead

Princess Twilight Sparkle, commonly known as Twilight Sparkle, is a fictional character who appears in the fourth incarnation (also referred to as the fourth generation or "G4") of Hasbro's My Little Pony toyline and media franchise, beginning with My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (2010–2019), and later in the franchise's fifth incarnation as well. She is voiced by Tara Strong while her singing voice is provided by Rebecca Shoichet.

Twilight is depicted as a studious, bookish anthropomorphic unicorn (later an alicorn). Her mentor and royal patron, Princess Celestia, guides her to learn about friendship in the town of Ponyville. Twilight and her dragon assistant Spike become close friends with five other ponies: Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie. Each of the ponies represent a different aspect of friendship, and Twilight discovers herself to be a key part of the magical artifacts known as the "Elements of Harmony". <The ponies travel on adventures and help others around Equestria while working out problems that arise in their own friendships.

Created by Lauren Faust, Twilight is based on the unicorn toy Twilight from the first incarnation of My Little Pony toyline. Faust originally envisioned the characters in Friendship Is Magic to be relatable and unique with different personalities and flaws, unlike many other girls' shows. The creative team also incorporated each of the characters' personalities into various things, such as Twilight's purple color signifying her royalty and mystical awareness. Twilight garnered praise for her humility, relatability and maturity.

My preferred rewrite (not perfect)

Princess Twilight Sparkle, commonly known as Twilight Sparkle, is a fictional character who appears in the fourth incarnation (also referred to as the fourth generation or "G4") of Hasbro's My Little Pony toyline and media franchise, beginning with My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (2010–2019), and later in the franchise's fifth incarnation ~~as well~~. She is voiced by Tara Strong; ~~while~~ her singing voice is provided by Rebecca Shoichet.

Twilight is depicted as a studious, bookish anthropomorphic unicorn (later an alicorn). Her mentor and royal patron, Princess Celestia, guides her to learn about friendship in the town of Ponyville. Twilight and her dragon assistant Spike become close friends with five other ponies: Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie. Each of the ponies represent a different aspect of friendship, and Twilight discovers herself to be a key part of the magical artifacts known as the "Elements of Harmony". ~~The ponies travel on adventures and help others around Equestria while working out problems that arise in their own friendships.~~ (too much info here relating to the overarching story and not Twilight specifically)

Created by Lauren Faust, Twilight is based on the unicorn toy Twilight from the first incarnation of My Little Pony toyline. ~~Faust originally envisioned the characters in Friendship Is Magic to be relatable and unique with different personalities and flaws, unlike many other girls' shows.~~ (too non-specific for a character bio; we got into the bulk of the character details in the preceding paragraph) ~~The creative team also incorporated each of the characters' personalities into various things, such as Twilight's purple color signifying her royalty and mystical awareness.~~ (cool trivia but is this really lead necessary?) Twilight garnered praise for her ~~humility,~~ relatability and ~~maturity~~ complexity.

Mostly done: I kept the bit about her design given the "Design" section makes up a decent chunk of the article, and I do want the lead to refer to more out-of-universe aspects as per MOS:FICTION

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The body is essentially two-thirds plot summary. I've watched the show (undisciplined and not really paying attention, but) multiple times and am fairly aware of the plot and characters. I'm not going to rewatch the whole show to fully verify it, so I'm just going to assume good faith and check it off. The prose is good and engaging.

Development

Rearrange clause and copyedit: Similar to how Michael Bay's film had helped boost the new Transformers toy line, Hasbro wanted to retool the My Little Pony franchise to better suit the current demographic of young girls to Hasbro wanted to retool the My Little Pony franchise to better suit the current demographic of young girls, similar to how Michael Bay's film Transformers had helped boost the new Transformers toy line.

Done

Delete as cartoons for girls were considered unsuccessful; can't justify it based on the source.

Not sure what you mean by can't justify, but there source does say animated shows for girls don’t get ratings

Delete Her cutie mark was changed to convey that she is lively and unique to the pony world; it's a little awkward and not super super relevant.

I've rephrased it—I do think it's relevant since the article mentions her cutie mark changing and a reason should probably be given for why. Pamzeis (talk) 11:37, 5 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

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It falls in line with all other GA criteria. Personally, I think another image of Twilight would be nice, somewhere within the plot summary section, in order to break up the prose a little. Is there a royalty-free image of a G4 Twilight toy lying around somewhere? I think that would add something interesting to the article.

It's a good article which a lot of work went into. Great job! Cessaune [talk] 05:19, 29 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Alright. I think this article is good enough to pass the GA criteria! Good job!

Are you going to do a DYK nom? Cessaune [talk] 21:44, 6 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]