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Talk:Tropical Storm Julia (2016)/GA1

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Reviewer: Yellow Evan (talk · contribs) 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • "The National Hurricane Center did not begin monitoring the system until it developed into a broad area of low pressure associated with a concentrated area of thunderstorms about 350 mi (560 km) east of the Leeward Islands on September 8." this can easily be shortened to "The National Hurricane Center did not begin monitoring the system until a concentrated area of low pressure developed about 350 mi (560 km) east of the Leeward Islands on September 8." YE Pacific Hurricane 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The convection quickly diminished soon thereafter, and as the system tracked to the west-northwest into the southwestern Atlantic," "soon" is on the words to watch and is probably redundant to "thereafter" and "quickly", so I think it can be axed. YE Pacific Hurricane 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "However, as it passed close to the coast of Florida, it quickly organized and developed more thunderstorm activity and a surface circulation." you already said a LPA area formed, so mentioning it here is redundant. YE Pacific Hurricane 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • ". However, as it passed close to the coast of Florida, it quickly organized and developed more thunderstorm activity. It is estimated that a tropical depression formed at 06:00 UTC on September 13 while just offshore. It made landfall in Jensen Beach, Florida, around that time." You mentioned it four times in a row. YE Pacific Hurricane 03:38, 3 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • " It made landfall in Jensen Beach, Florida at the same time. A strong band of deep convection soon formed in the northeast quadrant of the cyclone, though westerly wind shear prevented any significant convection from developing on the western side of the storm.[2]" could you add a transition word somewhere here? YE Pacific Hurricane 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • You mentioned it was offshore when it formed yet you backpedel in the next sentence by saying it made landfall at about the time it was classified. The TCR suggests it made landfall at the exact time of classification, so you should mention that. YE Pacific Hurricane 03:38, 3 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "At 03:00 UTC on September 14, the National Hurricane Center (NHC) initiated advisories on Julia – which was then centered near Jacksonville – and initially predicted that the storm would move north-northwestward and become extratropical or a remnant low pressure area over Georgia by September 16" why is the NHC linked and spelled out here of all places? YE Pacific Hurricane 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "However, the bursts of convection were short-lived as wind shear removed the convection well away from the center, exposing the storm's circulation, which became slightly further elongated." ok, two things here. First it's redundant to say wind shear removed convection from the center and the center became exposed and second the elongated bit can be used as an adjective. I'd personally write it as "However, these bursts were short-lived due to strong wind shear, causing its elongated circulation to become far removed from the deep convection." YE Pacific Hurricane 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "day, Julia attained its minimum barometric pressure of 1,007 mbar (29.7 inHg).[2]" put {{convert|1007|mbar|inHg|abbr=on|comma=off}} to avoid the comma problem here I've brought up in the past. YE Pacific Hurricane 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Wind shear again exposed the circulation late on September 15 as the cyclone drifted south-southeastwards, although Julia maintained tropical storm status due to periodic bursts of convection that continued to occur to the east of the center.[7][8]" you basically already mention this. YE Pacific Hurricane 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Julia consisted of mainly a low-level swirl of clouds by late on September 16; however, minimal convection kept the storm at the minimal requirements for a tropical cyclone. Early on September 17, Julia weakened to a tropical depression.[2] As the cyclone continued to deteriorate throughout the day, NHC forecaster Lixion Avila indicated that he could either "classify [Julia] as a remnant low and terminate advisories" or "keep Julia as a tropical depression in this advisory given that there was deep convection associated with the center only a few hours ago."[10] " I'd axe the second sentence since it's redundant to the first. YE Pacific Hurricane 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "School district officials in the coastal counties of Georgia and South Carolina monitored the progress of the storm, though school remained opened.[13]" not sure this is worth noting when school itself wasn't closed. YE Pacific Hurricane 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Flooding rain impacted the Space Coast and the First Coast, with 3.3 in (84 mm) of precipitation reported in Melbourne,[15] inundating low-lying and typically flood-prone areas.[14]" the first and last bits are redundant. YE Pacific Hurricane 02:32, 31 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the review!--12george1 (talk) 03:11, 3 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
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