Talk:Tropical Depression Usman/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hurricane Noah (talk · contribs) 01:17, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Will review... Noah^Talk 01:17, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Lead/Reference Sections Comments

Tropical Depression Usman was a weak, but deadly system I would replace system with tropical cyclone so the readers know it isn't just a normal system. Make sure to link as well. Noah^Talk 02:00, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
It was also considered as the deadliest Philippine storm in 2018, and the deadliest since Typhoon Tembin during the previous season. Source for deadliest in 2018? For the second part, why is Tembin significant? Note: Secondary comment may be required in future. Noah^Talk 02:00, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The tropical depression was first noticed as a low-pressure area to the east of Palau on December 23. This makes it sound like the TD already existed and simply was only noted as a LPA at that time. You could say "Tropical Usman originated from a LPA that was east of Palau on December 23." Noah^Talk 02:00, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
~~You should state what direction the TD traveled in as it approached land. Noah^Talk 02:00, 22 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
Despite a very weak system, the tropical depression I would say something along the line of "While the tropical depression only possessed weak winds, it caused torrential rainfall over much of Visayas, hitting the regions of Eastern Visayas and Bicol the hardest."
Travel was vastly disrupted, mainly by sea vessels, during a busy holiday season as the country experienced post-Christmas and incoming New Year's Eve celebrations. I would say something like "Sea travel to the country was vastly disrupted during the holiday season". It is more succinct. Noah^Talk 02:00, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
A total of 156 people have perished from the storm, while 26 people have remained missing. Damages from the storm has exceeded to as high as ₱5.41 billion (US$103 million). --> A total of 156 people perished during the storm, while 26 remain missing. Damage from Usman is estimated at about ₱5.41 billion (US$103 million).
You should mention a bit more impact in the lead... specifically the 7-foot floods and 30k+ houses damaged.. You should give a round number for the houses. Also, you should mention Usman was retired. Noah^Talk 02:00, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
~~For the references section, the only issue is it needs to be 2 columns instead of 3. Noah^Talk 02:00, 22 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]

Will strike off points if I have done it to make it easier for me. Points 1, 3, 4, 7 and 9 done as of this message. Typhoon2013 (talk) 02:10, 23 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Points 5, 6 and 8 done. Left Point 2 because I got told that there shouldn't be any sources in the lead? Typhoon2013 (talk) 02:27, 23 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That isn't true... You need a source in the lead if it isn't mentioned in the body. Noah^Talk 15:09, 24 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Removed 2 instead. Typhoon2013 (talk) 05:58, 29 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Met comments

MAJOR ISSUE: You need to change the wording from what the agency says... you can't just copy the same words. Just vary it up so it isn't the same. I'm not going to review the rest of the met until that happens. Noah^Talk 13:50, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
On December 23, the Joint Typhoon Warning Center (JTWC) began monitoring on a tropical disturbance that had developed about 657 km (409 mi) to the east of Palau Remove the bolded word. Noah^Talk 12:10, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Despite located in an area of moderate vertical wind shear, sea-surface temperatures were recorded at 28-30 °C (82.4-86 °F), which is warm enough to support development It may just be better to talk about the environment. "Around that time, it was... wind shear and warm (temp) sea surface temperatures." Keep in mind that temperature ranges must also have a – instead of - Noah^Talk 12:10, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
~~FN 1: "Significant Tropical Weather Advisory for the Western and South Pacific Oceans [DATE]" should be the title. Noah^Talk 13:50, 22 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
~~on 09:00 UTC of December 24. Would prefer at, around, at about, etc.. for the first one. The second should be on in every case. Noah^Talk 13:50, 22 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
~~At this time change to that so it is past tense. Noah^Talk 13:50, 22 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
Link for convection should be Atmospheric convection... also, you should say "or thunderstorm activity" after convection so the reader understands what it means. Noah^Talk 13:50, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Speaking of abbreviations, I wouldn't abbreviate anything other than agencies as it gets too technical for readers who don't understand what these abbreviations mean. They would have to look back and check what they are each time. Noah^Talk 13:50, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
the convection around the system's low-level circulation center (LLCC) was rather sheared, however the Dvorak estimates were around a T1.5, signalling that the system had sustained winds of 25 knots (45 km/h (30 mph). I don't see how these two items are contrasting each other. It may be better to just use "and"... You should remove the bolded items as well. Noah^Talk 13:50, 22 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
~~giving the designation of 35W --> "with the system receiving the designation 35W." Noah^Talk 13:50, 22 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
~~visible imagery Link satellite imagery and it should say "visible satellite imagery". Noah^Talk 13:50, 22 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
~~Link rain band and you should explain what banding features are. Noah^Talk 13:50, 22 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]

Points 2, 5, 6 and 7 done as of this message. Typhoon2013 (talk) 02:41, 23 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Other points now done. Only the first point now left. Typhoon2013 (talk) 05:59, 24 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Hurricane Noah: I am sure this is now done. Changed some working you have said through messages and changed some phrases. Typhoon2013 (talk) 06:03, 29 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

with sea-surface temperatures were recorded at 28–30 °C (82.4–86 °F), which is warm enough to support development --> "and warm 28–30 °C (82.4–86 °F) sea surface temperatures." would work better. Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
~~around a T1.5 Remove the "a". Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
~~signalling that the system had sustained winds of You should clarify that they are 1-minute sustained winds. Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
~~(45 km/h (30 mph) Delete the extra parenthese out front. Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
shallow rain banding (which is a cloud structure that is associated with an area of rain and thunderstorms) You should have kept "banding features" intact here. Instead of using (), you can use – . I would focus on the fact that the structure is curved, elongated bands of rain rather than just a cloud structure. It would be more detailed and give a clearer picture. Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
On 06:00 UTC of December 25, the Japan Meteorological Agency (JMA) declared the system to be a weak tropical depression. I would move the date to the end of the sentence to improve flow. Also, it can't be "on" a specific hour. It would be "around", "at", or something similar. Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
FN 6: Work title and date format are inconsistent. Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
~~What's PAGASA? Also, it should be "the depression", "the storm", or something of that nature. 35W is just the designation of the storm. Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
~~and began issuing bulletins I would remove that part. Also, I would prefer "giving" be changed to "assigning". Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
FN 7: Delete the agency parameter as it is not needed. Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The JMA began issuing advisories on Usman Usman doesn't exist in the eyes of the JMA. To them it is just a TD. Actually, outside PAGASA's AOR, it isn't Usman as the WMO doesn't recognize PAGASA as the official RSMC for the basin. Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
~~Link maximum sustained wind on the first mention (see the point near the top of the new comments for the location). Noah^Talk 01:22, 30 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
Usman remained disorganised as the system's center became ragged, with deep convection being sheared to its northwest - This sentence needs a bit of love. I would change "the system's" to "its" since you just mentioned the name. For the second bolded part, you could say "with wind shear displacing becoming displaced to the northwest". Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
~~By 03:00 UTC of December 26 - Change "of" to "on". Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
With limited convection, due to southeasterly wind shear, Usman's structure became somewhat disorganised. This seems to be backwards. Should be "Usman's structure became somewhat disorganised as southeasterly wind shear eroded the storm's convection" or something similar. Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The system maintained its intensity until the next day This is misleading because the "official" winds did not increase beyond 30 knots. Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
when satellite imagery showed a broad circulation with excellent outflow along with extensive deep convection flaring near its center You can keep this part, but I phrase it as "On the next day, the system exhibited a broad circulation with excellent outflow along with deep convection near its center". Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
At this point, both the JMA and the JTWC predicted that the system would intensify into a tropical storm within the next 24 hours. I would cut this as categorial increases fail quite often and aren't really notable. Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Thereafter, convection had increased around the system, and the system's center became much more organised. --> Thereafter, the system's convection continued to increase as its center became more organised. Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
On December 28, the JTWC increased the system's 1-minute sustained winds to 55 km/h (35 mph). When on December 28? Also, it would be more accurate to say the JTWC reported that the system's winds had increased rather than they actually increased the winds themselves.
~~Something I forgot... On the first mention of "UTC", link Coordinated Universal Time. Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
A central cold cover began obscuring the system's open and elongated center, thereafter I would change the bolded to the proper term of "cold cloud cover". That can't be right... it wouldn't be a tropical cyclone if the center was open. So just delete the second bolded part. Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
On December 29, the system's central cold cover began to dissipate --> "On December 29, this feature began to dissipate as the system weakened." Keep in mind the met is about the story of the storm rather than an agency said this. Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
~~as the PAGASA had also delete the bolded part. Clearly they were the first to downgrade to an LPA since the other agencies continued issuing on the storm. Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
~~Speaking of LPA, link low-pressure area. Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)~~[reply]
The JMA stated that the system was located in an area of increasing wind shear. Again here, it is about the story rather than who is saying what. When did the system enter this area of shear? Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
FNs 18 & 20 need proper work titles and the date formats don't match the other refs. Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The remnant energy of the system was later absorbed by a nearby tropical disturbance, which would eventually lead to the formation of Tropical Storm Pabuk. This is not supported by the source. Noah^Talk 02:04, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Preps/Impact Comments

Drive-by comments from Cyclonebiskit

Sorry to jump in here, but I wanted to emphasize that serious work is needed for the impact and aftermath. For how deadly/destructive this storm was, there is relatively little information on the damage that took place in the article. Similarly, aside from criticism of PAGASA, there is no information on actual relief efforts in the wake of the storm. ReliefWeb has an incident page on Usman that provides plenty of valuable information that should be incorporated into the article. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 04:39, 23 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Cyclonebiskit: I appreciate your comment here, but I just want Typhoon to focus on one section at a time as there are a lot of issues to tackle with the text. Noah^Talk 01:23, 30 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]