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Talk:Thomas S. Monson/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Hello. I'll be doing the GA review for this article. I've only skimmed it so far, but here are the initial things that jumped out at me:

  • There are a couple of instances where stand alone years are wikilinked, but shouldn't be. 1959 --> 1959
 Done --Eustress (talk) 20:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't see the point for the subheading (Books by Monson) under the heading Works. It seems a little un-necessary as the sentence explains it, and there isn't another heading for works not by him.
 Done --Eustress (talk) 20:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I'll go through the text in the next few days when I have some more time. I'm putting the article on hold for now. Nikki311 03:43, 4 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I have addressed your preliminary concerns. Thank you! --Eustress (talk) 20:07, 4 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Here's some more specific suggestions:

  • The image captions are complete sentences, so they need periods at the end.
 Done Good catch! --Eustress (talk) 19:08, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Monson would often spend weekends" - try to avoid "would + verb" --> "Monson often spent weekends"
 Done --Eustress (talk) 19:08, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "On October 7, 1948, he married Frances Beverly Johnson in the Salt Lake Temple. Today, he and Frances have three children: Thomas Lee, Ann Frances, and Clark Spencer." - it sounds awkward to suddenly use the present tense in a sentence surrounded by the past tense. --> "On October 7, 1948, he married Frances Beverly Johnson in the Salt Lake Temple, and the couple eventually had three children: Thomas Lee, Ann Frances, and Clark Spencer." - or something like that
 Done --Eustress (talk) 19:08, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He would bring them gifts" --> "He brought them gifts"
 Done --Eustress (talk) 19:08, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As an apostle of the LDS Church, Monson worked in many areas of the world and in many capacities." --> "As an apostle of the LDS Church, Monson worked in many capacities all around the world." - less wordy
 Done --Eustress (talk) 19:08, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The article will be on hold for seven days to allow for improvements. Nikki311 16:08, 6 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your suggestions. I have fixed all issues raised. Thank you! --Eustress (talk) 19:08, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Great work. Pass. Nikki311 19:11, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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