Talk:The ScareHouse/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Meetthefeebles (talk · contribs) 21:56, 21 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review. Will try to get some detailed comments up tomorrow... Meetthefeebles (talk) 21:56, 21 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, I have a spare hour before I must get back to doing some actual 'real-life' work, so I'll make a start...

Image check: There seems to be a problem with the image in the info box: it was nominated for deletion on 25 September 2012 (see here for discussion). This does not seem to have been resolved and will need to be or the image will have to be removed. All of the other images seem okay.
Disambiguation links: check with wiki-tool comes back clear.
External links; Again, these all come back as fine.
Quick fail issues?: No obvious cleanup tags, references look like they are present and correct, can't see any edit-warring...

I'll have a read through and leave comments as I go:

In the lede, can we link Etna and Pennsylvania (this will help non-US readers like this reviewer!)

Unless I am missing something, I can't find anything in ref.1 which indicates that The Scarehouse occupies an 'historic building' which was once home to Etna First National Bank, the Spang and Chalfont Company?

I have no idea what 'Etna Elks Order No. 932' refers to or means I'm afraid?
"Over the years" isn't especially encyclopedic. Suggest slight rephrase?
Can we state 'MADD' in it's full form as I (again, a non US-native) have no idea what the abbreviated form relates to :(
Why is the building 'unique'? It sounds like a lovely old building but I don't see anything which is unique about it. Additionally, what do you mean by "The ScareHouse has embraced and integrated the historical foundations and fabrics of this unique building into the haunt design." What is meant by "embracing...the historical foundations and fabrics"? There are potential WP:PEACOCK and WP:NPOV issues here. The thing to remember is that articles must take an encyclopedic, neutral tone and more flowery language should be avoided.
Ahhh, now I know what an 'elk' is. Can you blue link the 'elks' in the lede please?
I'm a little confused; you say that the Elk Lodge spent 75 years at 436 Locust Street, which was the building now used by the Scarehouse, but that the Scarehouse is at 118 Locust Street. How has the number changed so dramatically?
This entire section strikes me as somewhat unnecessary. Interesting though it is (and I am a bit of a history buff so to me it really is interesting!) I can't help but feel that there is almost as much information about the building and about an Elk troop than there is about the attraction on which the article is based. The GA Criteria require an article to remain 'focused' and I don't think that this section really satisfies that requirement. Try to remember that this is an article about Scarehouse, not the lovely building that Scarehouse occupy. I think some removal of info is needed here.
I have just checked ref.9, clicked on the picture of the brass band and been directed to the following page. Looking at the information here it is clear that this entire section is a near word-for-word copy of the information provided on this website and I also note that this site is not cited until the end of the section but instead an offline source is cited through the section.
It is clear that this entire section gives rise to a fairly sizeable plagiarism issue and, coupled with the image issue highlighted above, I do not feel I can continue with the review as these are grounds for quickfailing a nomination. I am Assuming good faith and think you have probably done this accidently, but you will need to rewrite the entire section in your own words, using appropriate paraphrasing and correct citation of the sources used, before the article is ready to be assessed again. Please read the guidance on plagiarism (linked above) and also this guidance to help you with the rewording.

If you have any further queries, feel free to leave a message here or on my talkpage. Good luck with improving the article. Meetthefeebles (talk) 22:16, 22 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

image--that photo is shared under the 'share alike' on flikr so it should be fine.

I added a cite to the Centennial reference which does give the address of the Spang Chalfont building that the ScareHouse now occupies and refers to it as a historic building.

I added that the Elks are a fraternal organization.

Rephrased over the years

Added 'Mothers Against Drunk Driving'

Removed 'embraced' and added clarification

The address has two street entrances--one on 118 and one on 436. 118 is the actual mailing address

I thought the history of the building was just interesting, I did the research and wrote the information myself so while it's copied on the ScareHouse website I'm the one who wrote it. I'll just delete it from here.Margee Kerr (talk) 12:48, 23 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]