Talk:The Little Guy/GA2

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: TRLIJC19 (talk · contribs) 03:48, 12 July 2012 (UTC)

 Doing... TRLIJC19 (talk) 03:48, 12 July 2012 (UTC)

I'll read through the article, and list any existent issues below. At a start, there is no reason to quickfail. TRLIJC19 (talk) 03:24, 16 July 2012 (UTC)

Issues

I break down the issues in a chronological way, that makes it easy to locate where the issues are. If you question or disagree, with an error listed, please leave a note, under the issue, explaining why.

• General
  • There's a dablink to Steve Harris.
    •  Done
  • One of the reviews is cited by a dead link.
    • Odd, that link functions correctly from the article itself. Davejohnsan (talk) 15:38, 16 July 2012 (UTC)

• Infobox
  • As noted in the previous failed GAN, the rationale for the image needs to be significantly expanded.
    •  Done

• Lead
  • Paragraph 1
    • "It was written by series creator and executive producer Kyle Killen, and was directed by executive producer Jeffrey Reiner." -- Unlink executive producer, it is a common term.
      •  Done
    • "Commentators noted that the episode was not as good as the previous episode, "Pilot", which was originally broadcast on March 1, 2012." -- Remove the note about when "Pilot" was broadcast; it's irrelevant.
      •  Done
    • "Despite this, the final scene was criticized by critics, who claimed that the show has "enough elements already"." -- This should be removed, as the info on the last scene was not revealed in the article at that point, and one line about critical response in the lead is enough.
      • •  Partly done
    • "It ranked second in its timeslot of the night, behind The Mentalist on CBS." -- Remove "of the night"; it's ungrammatically correct.
      •  Done. Remove it fully.
  • Paragraph 2
    • "In this episode, Michael deals with a case of the death of a homeless man, Bernard Mackenzie." -- Actor who played Bernard Mackenzie?
      • ✗ Not done. He was dead from the beginning of the episode till' the end. That being said, nobody can play him
    • "Meanwhile, Hannah and Rex try to deal with each other's death in their respective realities" -- Add the characters' full names, link them, and add the actors who play them + links to the actors.
      •  Done. Added to the main lead
    • "Tricia speaks to Captain Carl Kessel (Mark Harelik) about his accident, and who they setup for it." -- This sentence is unclear.
      •  Done

• Plot
  • Paragraph 1
    • "The episode opens in the "green reality" (where Rex is alive and Hannah is not)." -- Add characters' full name, links, and actors + links. Also, erase the parentheses, ultimately reading: "The episode opens in the "green reality", where Rex Britten (Actor Name) is alive and Hannah Britten (Actress Name) is not."
    • "Rex (Dylan Minnette) is complaining that his newly-washed clothes smell "weird" and "funny"." -- Unlink character + actor name, and just write 'Rex'.
    • "Michael (Jason Isaacs) remembers seeing his wife use fabric softener when she washes clothing and realizes what his doing different."
      • Put Michael's full name
      • Write: "[...] remembers seeing his wife, Hannah, use fabric softener [...]"
      • "[...] and realizes what his doing different." -- Ungrammatically correct; should read: "[...] and realizes what he is doing differently.
    • "After running a second test, however, the coroner confirmed that someone had given MacKenzie potassium chloride to induce a heart attack." -- Link potassium chloride.
    • "The killer placed it in the diabetic MacKenzie's insulin where it would be "untraceable"." -- Link diabetic to diabetes, link insulin, and put a comma after it.
    • This plot section is abnormally long. There are several instances of unnecessary detail, for example: "Rex complains, and claims that Hannah (Laura Allen), Rex's deceased mother in the "green reality", cooked "actual food". Later in the "red reality" (where Hannah is alive and Rex is not), Michael discovers that Rex was having his mail delivered to his friend Cole's (Logan Miller) home and asks Hannah if she knew anything about it. She says that she does not, and is emotional about Rex. Hannah wonders how it is so easy for Michael. However, Michael states that is not easy."
    • "Soon after, Michael sees a list of homeless people who have died and notices that Bernard MacKenzie is on the list." -- Actor for Bernard?
    • "He tells his partner in the "red reality", Efrem Vega (Wilmer Valderrama) to get the file, although the case was closed due to lack of leads." -- Explain what the red reality is, because the previous explanation has been deleted with the unnecessary detail. Also, comma after (Wilmer Valderrama).
  • Paragraph 2
    • "Dr. Evans claims that Michael should "actively pursue the connections that his mind creates between reality and his dream", and about him "emotional" issues, while Dr. Lee notes that Michael's two realities are "problems" not "tools", however, Michael claims that he is fine with both realities." -- Run-on and unnecessary.
    • "Meanwhile, Hannah goes to Cole's house and tells him that she opened the box, and he confirms that there’s a camshaft inside." -- Last name and actor for Cole? Also, replace curly apostrophe.
    • "While Michael and Vega interview various people in the neighborhood for Mackenzie's death. Michael finally spots a homeless man (Jeris Lee Poindexter) who recognizes MacKenzie's photo and talks to him." -- Are these sentences supposed to be connected? Also, not 'for Mackenzie's death', but 'in regard to Mackenzie's death'.

• Comment: After reading through everything, there are way too many prose issues in the article for me to list, and I am not continuing to list them. Get rid of unnecessary details in plot, and then get the whole article copyedited by a great editor. Perhaps a request at WP:GOCE/REQ; you have seven days. I am not continuing the review until it is copyedited sufficiently. TRLIJC19 (talk) 04:03, 16 July 2012 (UTC)
  • Comment to the Comment: I suggested a copy-edit in the first GA, and it was never done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 04:27, 16 July 2012 (UTC)
    • Hi Gen. Quon, I noticed you had suggested a copyedit, and it does not seem like many changes were made since you failed the article last time. Do you think another fail is in order, because I had a hard time deciding whether or not to put this article on-hold. Let me know, TRLIJC19 (talk) 04:48, 16 July 2012 (UTC)
    • Considering hardly nothing has been done, prose wise, to fix this, I'd say yes, but it is completely up to your discretion.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 13:15, 16 July 2012 (UTC)
      • Per mine and Gen Quon's reasoning; I am failing this article until prose issues are addressed. The prose is just too problematic to allow a hold. Please do not renominate it until you get it copyedited sufficiently. TRLIJC19 (talk) 16:07, 16 July 2012 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.