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Talk:The Garden of Words/GA1

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Reviewer: DragonZero (talk · contribs) 09:12, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]


Issues must be resolved. Suggestions can be ignored. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 09:12, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for the review. Corrections are noted below, along with a few minor questions. – Maky « talk » 15:30, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Issues
  • "was adapted to manga" Missing a?
Good catch. Fixed. – Maky « talk » 15:30, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Shinkai made the half of" Extra the?
Good catch. Fixed. – Maky « talk » 15:30, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Thought many Japanese" Though
Good catch. Fixed. – Maky « talk » 15:30, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "licensed Motohashi's manga, and the English translation was released on October 28, 2014." Awkward transition. I suggest omitting ", and" with a semi colon.
Fixed. – Maky « talk » 15:30, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and containing new scenes not contained in the film or serialized novel chapters." Awkwardly worded
Fixed. – Maky « talk » 15:30, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Manga and novel covers should be removed. They are only decorations here.
After thinking about it, you're right. I originally included them because some of the talk about the novel and manga got confusing. For me, at least, the covers helped clarify which was which. – Maky « talk » 15:30, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and with many theaters offering extended screenings, it has been considered Shinkai's biggest hit." Awkward transition.
It didn't sound awkward to me, but I've made changes. Let me know what you think. – Maky « talk » 15:30, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The digital version ranked 7th on the iTunes store for Western and Japanese films by the end of 2013, and a year following its initial release, it continued to be a popular at local and international film events." Awkward transition followed by awkwardly worded second half.
    I broke it up. It should be fixed. – Maky « talk » 15:30, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Suggestions
  • Use prose instead of voiced by template
I'm not sure I understand this suggestion. What's wrong with the {{Voiced by}} template? Are there some examples you can point me to? – Maky « talk » 16:08, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I find it an out of date style used in articles with Japanese voice actors. As far as I know, non-anime manga articles use prose when listing actors or voices. Characters of Smallville, Characters of the Final Fantasy XIII series. It also is aesthetically unappealing. These are my opinions though, and is why it is a suggestion.
  • Since the character blurbs are so short, you should probably use a bullet point format instead of semi colons.
I'm sorry... I must be blind. I'm not sure what you're referring to here. I don't see where I used semi-colons for character blurbs. And again, an example of the desired format would help. – Maky « talk » 16:08, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, I worded that poorly. I was suggesting something like the bullet list at the "other characters" at No Game No Life#Characters. Since it's so short, the bullet list format might be more aesthetically appealing. This will probably be brought up at the FA level though.
  • "June to December 2013 issues of the monthly seinen manga magazine Afternoon" You should add a cite template at the end.
The cite template following the next sentence covers both statements. On all of my previous FACs, this hasn't been an issue. Is the statement that contentious? – Maky « talk » 16:08, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Nothing wrong with it.
  • Dareka no Manazashi's image could be argued for removal. Not too intent on pushing this though.
It's a tough one, and I debated whether to include it or not. However, once the tables go (per the issues above), the bottom half of the article will be very bare. If this image would be removed, do you think I could replace it with one more screenshot showing the highly emotional ending. Shinkai talked a lot about the importance of this scene, and even the reviewers made mention of it. All other screenshots have equal importance for illustrating points made in the article (about the coloring methods and photographs used as bases for the backgrounds). The emotional ending would highlight the part of the film that included key voice acting and scripting elements. – Maky « talk » 16:08, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I think the other picture's are enough for the film's aesthetics. I doubt an image of the ending is appropriate also.
  • Some concerns about ref overkills in some places
On skimming the article, I only found one instance where four refs were used. From my understanding, three is the soft limit. In the case where I used four references (and in many cases where I used three), I wasn't able to decide which references should be used since they all said the same thing. If there are a few sources that are used only once (and are redundant with others) that you think could be removed, just name them and I'll delete them. – Maky « talk » 16:08, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Well, for the first sentence, second paragraph of Music, probably one or two sources at the end of the sentence is good enough. I just think it's better that way instead of having multiple sources confirm the same thing. You haven't broken the overkill rule, as far as I know, and is why this is listed in the suggestions pile.
  • If you're pushing for FA, you might want to rearrange the ref so they are ordered numerically.
Yes, good point. I held off on this expecting my translator to continue working on the Japanese sources. I was going to adjust the order after that. I'll make the fixes now. – Maky « talk » 16:08, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Two references are missing access date
Do you remember which two? I went through all 105 references, and the only ones that didn't have a "Retrieved" date were offline references, such as book refs, video refs, and liner notes. – Maky « talk » 16:08, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"Love in Modern Japan: Its Estrangement" Since it links to a url, you should add an accessdate, even though the book won't expire. And The Garden of Words (books.google.com/books?id=ZpbyoAEACAAJ). DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 16:33, 5 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Nihongo3 for "Romaji" "Kanji" order
Sorry, but is this a universal suggestion, or are there specific places in the article where I should (or shouldn't) use Nihongo3? – Maky « talk » 16:08, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
It probably doesn't apply in your case. When someone uses Nihongo and reverses the Romaji and English (Used for things without official English transllations), the English becomes italicized due to the template. Nihongo3 was made to remedy that. It's just for consistency. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 16:33, 5 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • You don't need a table for a single volumes.
I'm fine with taking them out. I was just using the templates as an illustration to attract readers' eyes to the basic facts about the books. However, how do you recommend preserving the ISBN information in the prose? – Maky « talk » 15:30, 4 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I'd just ignore the ISBN since they're trivia here. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 16:33, 5 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Issues have been resolved. Passing. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 16:33, 5 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]

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