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GA Review

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Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 18:27, 28 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]


Very interesting. Happy to offer a review. Josh Milburn (talk) 18:27, 28 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • Perhaps you could explicitly say (perhaps with bold text) that worshippers are referred to as Setians? Compare the first mention of Muslim in our article on Islam.
  • "the number of Temple memberships" is a slightly odd construction. I certainly understand what is meant, though.
  • "the scholar Kennet Granholm argued that it should not" Ambiguous- what should not what?
  • You have a linking error in footnote 9.
  • "In this tract, teachings about the creation of the world, God, and humanity are presented, while also conveying a dualistic idea of Satan complementing God" Shift in tense/subject
  • Repetition of "In this tract"
  • "had both misunderstood its origin and message" I assume you mean "had misunderstood both its origin and message"?
  • "In doing so, Aquino presented himself" In doing what? This needs to be clarified.
  • "Aquino expressed obsession with" How about "Aquino displayed an obsession with"?
  • "who then presented Xem as his Aeonic Word to the Setians" I think this needs more explanation; I'm not really sure what is being claimed.
  • "as a natural and necessary further development of Aquino's Xeper" This is the first mention of Xeper.
  • "aspects of Satanic philosophy with the modern Pagan religion of Heathenry" Just double-checking that you definitely mean Satanic and not Setian?
  • "the Satanic Ritual Abuse hysteria" Are those capitals necessary?
  • "Amid the hysteria, in the United Kingdom tabloids like the News of the World and Sunday Mirror produced sensationalist coverage of the group." This needs cleaning. I was also a little worried about BLP concerns, but the discussion seems proportional and it is sourced to a highly reliable (in the Wikipedia sense) source.
  • I've gone with "In the United Kingdom during this same period, tabloids like the News of the World and Sunday Mirror published sensationalist articles about the Temple". I too considered BLP issues but as you say, this is well referenced to Reliable Sources, which don't shy away from discussing the issue. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:25, 29 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'd like to hear a little more about the happenings this century; the schism and the backing-and-forthing. You mention a Patricia Hardy further down the article; she might be a useful addition to the history section. And who leads the organisation right now?
  • Hmm. I'm finding this a little difficult. I've pretty much exhausted the Reliable Sources that I have access to and they don't deal with these more recent events, instead focusing on the early history of the Temple. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:05, 29 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "However he criticised the latter as "fraud and/or self-delusion" which deceives the consciousness into thinking that it has been accepted in the objective universe." It's not clear to me what the latter or it refer to, here.
  • You have a couple of instances of small-s-satanic. Is this deliberate, or does it need fixing?
  • In one instance it is because of a direct quote, but in the two other examples I have replaced the small-s with a large one. It seems that there is some discrepancy in the literature on the subject; some favour the lower case in certain situations but others don't. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:17, 29 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "serves as a space to mutual evaluation" Is this grammatically sound?
  • I wonder if the full version of the photo of Webb, seeing as it also has the Schrecks, might be preferable?
  • If this was at FAC, I'd say that the "Pylons, elements, orders and conclaves" section is a bit choppy, but I'm not concerned for GAC purposes.
  • Again, if this were at FAC, I might quibble with the UK-focus in the demographic section. However, I'm happy for GAC.

I want to have a good look at the sources and images, but that's enough for now. My first impression is that this is a strong article which I will almost certainly be promoting soon. Josh Milburn (talk) 19:25, 28 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

And please double-check my light copyediting. Josh Milburn (talk) 19:25, 28 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I think that I have dealt with all of the issues raised, Josh. Do let me know if there is anything else. Moreover, thank you very much for taking the time to give this article a read through and for producing the review in the first place. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:34, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Great- I want to have a closer look at the images and sourcing, and I'll check up on a few bits of the text. I'll aim to get to it this weekend. Josh Milburn (talk) 22:15, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, looking at sources...

Other than that, nothing. The sources are all appropriately scholarly. If I'm being too picky...

Looking at images... No concerns. I'll just want a last look at the prose before I promote. I'll try to get to that tomorrow. Josh Milburn (talk) 04:25, 3 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Some small bits from a second look-through (also note my replies above):

In case you're interested, I suspect Aquino is notable; Fontaine definitely is, and we already have an article about one of her books. The article's looking great, and I'm sure I'll be promoting soon. Josh Milburn (talk) 13:58, 4 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, I'm going to go ahead and promote at this time. I still think the history section needs a bit more about post-2000 happenings, but I'll leave that hanging. This is a great article, and might, in the future, have a good chance at FAC. Josh Milburn (talk) 23:13, 6 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]