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Talk:Take a Bow (Leona Lewis song)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Robin (talk · contribs) 00:25, 3 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Lede
  • Tedder explained that he wanted to create an edgy song for Lewis so that it was not boring or predictable. -----> Tedder explained that he wanted to create an edgy song for Lewis so that it would not be boring or predictable."

 Done

  • The sentence, "A Contemporary R&B and urban song, the lyrics focus the failure of a relationship." Why does contemporary have to be capitalised. Break the sentence into two sentences or restructure it. Suggestion; "Take a Bow" is a contemporary R&B and urban song, about a failed relationship.
    It just is, you wouldn't put it in lower case.  — AARON • TALK 18:52, 4 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

 Not done ; Okay I'm fine with the weird capitalization of contemporary; however, the awkward sentence hasn't changed. — Robin (talk) 22:21, 4 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • "It's composition" -----> Its composition. "It's" means: "It is" which makes the current sentence incorrect.

 Done

  • Link music critics

 Not done ; Its a valid wikilink — Robin (talk) 22:07, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

 Done

  • "It garnered a mixed response from music critics, who thought that the production was unexpected and different but overshadowed Lewis' vocals." -----> "The track garnered a mostly positive response from music critics, many of whom opined that the production is unexpected and different." I have read the critical reception section and only one reviewer complains about "overshadowed vocals".

 Not done ; a critical assessment has to be general. — Robin (talk) 22:21, 4 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Why?
  • Link digital download

 Not done; Why? You told me to do the exact same thing a month ago. — Robin (talk) 22:07, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Lewis performed "Take a Bow" at the Rock in Rio festival and it was included on The Labyrinth tour. -----> Lewis performed "Take a Bow" at the Rock in Rio festival and it was included on the set list of Lewis' The Labyrinth tour in 2010.

 Not done; the reason I want if formatted this way is because both live performances occured in 2010; clarity for the reader. — Robin (talk) 22:21, 4 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

 Not done ; whatever.

Recording and production
  • "Take a Bow" was conceived during recording sessions for Lewis' debut studio album, Spirit, released in November 2007 -----> "Take a Bow" was conceived during recording sessions for Lewis' debut studio album, Spirit, which was released in November 2007.

 Done

Composition
  • Split this section into two separate sections.

 Not done

  • Why on earth would you split a 4 line paragraph in two? Never.  — AARON • TALK 12:28, 5 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Take a Bow", a Contemporary R&B and urban song, lasts for a duration of 3:54 and appears as the sixth track on the standard and deluxe versions of the album. -----> "Take a Bow" is a contemporary R&B and urban song which lasts for a duration of 3:54." The sentence doesn't really flow and that it appears as the sixth track is trivial and filler in my opinion; remove.

Partly  Not done;

  • "It's instrumentation consists of "daring, machine-made" pan pipes, "melodramtic" synths, a piano and a guitar." -----> "Its instrumentation includes "daring, machine-made" pan pipes, "melodramtic" synths, a piano and a guitar."

 Not done ; I prefer "including" because despite what sources suggest you can never truly know that those particular instruments encompass its instrumentation.

  • Remove on which number it appears on the album; I don't see its relevance.

 Not done; Why? It could be factually incorrect? — Robin (talk) 22:07, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • On the North American track listing, the song appears as the eleventh track and last for a duration of 3:53. -----> "However, on the North American track listing, the song lasts for a duration of 3:53.

 Not done

  • I think you realised the relevance of what I had written here lol.  — AARON • TALK 18:52, 4 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • I see the relevance of noting the difference of duration. However, I still don't think what number it appears on should be noted. So what?

Again so what? Its just filler. — Robin (talk) 22:07, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link instrumentation.

 Done

  • "It also features an Ebb and Flo groove. The song was composed in the key of A minor using common time at 70 beats per minute." -----> Merge these two sentences.

 Done

  • "Lewis' vocal range spans over two octaves from low note of A3 to the high note of Eb6. ----- Link vocal range

 Not done Why? Valid wikilink. See FA Irreplaceable for example. — Robin (talk) 22:07, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

 Not done; What is its relevance?? Its filler and doesn't concern the reader in any way possible. — Robin (talk) 22:07, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Chad Grischow for IGN and Sarah Rodman for The Boston Globe compared the songs production to Justin Timberlake's song "Cry Me a River". -----> "Chad Grischow from IGN and Sarah Rodman of The Boston Globe compared the song's production to Justin Timberlake's 2002 hit single "Cry Me a River"."

Partly  Not done ; The reason I want you to write "Timberlake's 2002 hit single"; is so that the reader can identify of which time the song is reminiscent. — Robin (talk) 22:21, 4 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hit single is original research.  — AARON • TALK 12:28, 5 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Its only two words and the entire planet knows that song is a global chart-topper which propelled Timberlake into solo stardom. But whatever just write 2002 or put it in brackets. — Robin (talk) 22:07, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Now  Done. — Robin (talk) 22:58, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The lyrics of "Take A Bow" pertain to a failed relationship, which Nick Levine for Digital Spy describes as "admirably stark." -----> "which Nick Levine of Digital Spy described as "admirably stark."

 Done

Critical reception

 Done

  • She continued to write that it is for this reason that she is more suited to "the Beyoncé end of the market than the Mariah end." ----> "McGee further wrote"

 Not done ; More formal prose + you can never know if the writer is a man or a woman. — Robin (talk) 22:07, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

 Done

  • Chad Grischow for IGN wrote that the "Take a Bow"'s production distracted from Lewis' vocal performance. -----> "Chad Grischow of IGN wrote that the track's production overshadows Lewis' vocal performance."

 Not done; doesn't matter — Robin (talk) 22:58, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Live performances
  • "It was later included on the DVD release of the tour, called The Labyrinth Tour: Live from the O2" -----> It was later included on the DVD release of the tour, The Labyrinth Tour: Live from the O2".

 Done

Charts ----> Chart
  • Upon the release of Spirit, "Homeless" debuted at number 97 on the strength of digital download sales in the chart issue released on 24 November 2007. ----- I think you mean "Take a Bow".

 Done

  • link digital download.

 Not done

Refs

On hold. — Robin (talk) 04:47, 3 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I have placed a  Not done where you haven't done what I suggest. Could you please explain why? — Robin (talk) 22:21, 4 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Because I don't agree with them/don't need to be changed.  — AARON • TALK 12:20, 5 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Of course you disagree. What I want is an explanation on every note you've not done. So that we can have a proper discussion about it. — Robin (talk) 01:04, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
... because they are fine as they are and do not need to be changed, that is my reason for each one.  — AARON • TALK 01:08, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
How do you want this to work if you cannot even meet me halfway. — Robin (talk) 01:52, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Halfway for what? I've said that they don't need to be changed. There were a few things I changed which I didn't agree with, but not to how you suggested, and you said partly not done, so if I did partly meet what you said, then I did in fact meet you halfway. I've stated that I don't think most points need to be changed.  — AARON • TALK 12:28, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
For clarity; I have written suggestions to improve the prose of the article, which I think was written hasty because your work is normally better than this. What I mean with halfway is: you writing an explanation at least as to why you haven't done what I suggest. I already know you disagree and that you don't think its needs to be changed. Meeting me halfway is explaining why you disagree on certain points, so that we can have proper discussion. — Robin (talk) 21:50, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
This article isn't any different to how I normally write them. I've given you an explanation, I don't know how else to plainly or simply write that I do not believe that most of what you have suggested is an improvement or is better than what is already there. I was surprised when I first looked at this review at how much was here, to be honest.  — AARON • TALK 21:53, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
You don't have to link everything, all articles are different. It has since been pointed out to me that it's not completely necessary to link things such vocal range, digital download etc. Also, in English language written reviews, it is pretty obvious if the reviewer is male or female going by their name, unless they have a completely foreign name.  — AARON • TALK 22:20, 6 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I'm aware of WP:Overlink. This is a music-oriented article, so it's perfectly accessible to link vocal range, music critics, and digital download. Yes it's pretty obvious whether female or male, though you can't be too certain; weird parents. — Robin (talk) 22:58, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

For clarity (and because its messy above) I'm going to write some final notes down below. — Robin (talk) 22:58, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Lede
  • "A Contemporary R&B and urban song, the lyrics focus the failure of a relationship." the sentence doesn't flow and is awkard. Just restructure it.
    Nothing wrong with this, it reads fine.  — AARON • TALK 23:05, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I don't agree. — Robin (talk) 23:43, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Neither do I.  — AARON • TALK 23:46, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It garnered a positive response from music critics, who thought that the production was unexpected and different but overshadowed Lewis' vocals." ---------> Remove "but overshadowed Lewis' vocals." Only one reviewer thinks this; a critical assessment has to be general.
    Changed to something different.  — AARON • TALK 23:05, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
 Done; Nice touch! — Robin (talk) 23:43, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Recording and production
  • The sentence, "Take a Bow" was recorded and mixed by Biancaniello, Mani, Watters and Omley at [2] As reported by Digital Spy, -----> Something went wrong?
    Done.  — AARON • TALK 23:05, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

 Done

Composition and critical reception
  • Split this section into two separate sections; these do not belong together. Section size does not matter.
    Size most certainly does matter. Both paragraphs are far too short to be stand alone sections, it does not look right at all. Nothing wrong with this.  — AARON • TALK 23:05, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I tested out the difference, and I most certainly disagree. The article looks much better in my opinion. — Robin (talk) 23:43, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I saw.  — AARON • TALK 23:46, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Finish these queries and it's a pass. If you don't I'll fail this. — Robin (talk) 22:58, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Finished.  — AARON • TALK 23:05, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Just two left! Good luck. — Robin (talk) 23:43, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
You're relentless and I'm too busy; Passing! — Robin (talk) 23:51, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Hahha. Thanks.  — AARON • TALK 23:54, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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