Talk:Sydney Clouts

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Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 20 January 2021 and 5 May 2021. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Aumgirl2024.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 03:59, 18 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Review by User:Dr Aaij

Lead
- This is the version I'm looking at, with categories added by User:Bbarmadillo (thanks!). The lead is OK--but his education shouldn't be in there, unless that is somehow important (for a college football player that matters more obviously than here). That school is the [South African College Schools]], I suppose? Correct and wikilink--but I see now that it's mentioned in the lead but not in the main article; the other way around is probably better. The lead can do a better job of indicating what his notability relies on--surely things happened after that poetry debut and the award; I assume that will happen when the article is expanded a bit. There's a 20-page article in the References and that will help you do that. Dr Aaij (talk) 21:36, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

You are welcome. --Bbarmadillo (talk) 18:52, 16 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Sourcing
- Those journal articles are excellent; go find more, from more different journals. Also look through newspaper archives: an artist who lived in different countries might have left traces all over the place. Search through Google Books as well. Dr Aaij (talk) 21:36, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Structure
- Put "Death" under his biography; it does not need a separate section. The section "Works", that's fine to have, but an enumeration of items, that can be done under "Bibliography" as well, in bullet points. If you're going to do prose, and you have some already, we need more information including on fame, reception, publishers, etc. Really, everything just needs more, and as soon as you do that, you might switch organization around as well. Dr Aaij (talk) 21:36, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Language
- It's OK, but phrases like "being shown" need to be adjusted. Poems are published in magazines. Who called his poetry "metaphysical", and what did they mean? "Metaphysical" in the style of John Donne, Metaphysical poets? This passage, "His other works include Sydney Clouts: Collected Poems(1984). This was a collection of his poems put together by his wife and brother. [4]This collection was published posthumously." can be combined into one sentence, and there needs to be a space before the year; that year should not be in italics. Shouldn't the reference be at the end of the sentence? In general, the writing needs more variation (not just one short sentence after another), but I trust all that will happen after more text is added, based on more sources. Dr Aaij (talk) 21:46, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much! Aumgirl2024 (talk) 00:38, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]