Talk:Sustainable wildlife enterprise
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Comments
[edit]Here's a start of what stands out to me that needs addressing:
- Seems to be filled with WP:Peacock terms? (not sure about this one)
- Only presents one point of view (Australia's). Mentions "experiences in countries such as South Africa and Scotland". Why not include those as well?
- Usually, lead sections don't contain references. Lead sections summarize the entire article.
- "Why native resources?" Section title isn't exactly encyclopedic. Perhaps "Background" or something similar?
- "Until primary production systems can put a value on habitat and conservation areas then we will see more and more species loss." (emphasis added)
- "Furthermore, native species are well adapted to Australia’s unique environment, allowing them to survive climatic extremes and thrive with little impact to the environment." Sounds more like an essay. Suggest this:
Native species that are well adapted to Australia's unique environment allow them to survive the climatic extremes and thrive with little impact to the environment.
- "Overseas experiences" Again, section title is not very encyclopedic. Perhaps merge into previous section? Rationale: If I lived in South Africa or Scotland, those experiences wouldn't be "oversea".
Again, this is just the beginning of the items I see needing to be addressed. Perhaps start there? – Ajltalk 01:02, 25 March 2011 (UTC)
- Thank you for starting to look at this. I will keep working on the Peacock terms (still working out what they are) but I agree and have made changes against your suggestions. See what you think.JennyKS (talk) 03:57, 25 March 2011 (UTC)
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