Talk:Supercell (band)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 18:39, 6 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:39, 6 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I didn't see anything major on a first read, will look more closely tomorrow. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:37, 7 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry for the delay. Here are my concerns:

"Nico Nico Douga since he liked the website along with its response system." would you be able to clarify what you mean by response system?
- I added "which enables user's comments to appear overlaid on the video screen" at the end.--十八 05:05, 10 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"The single features Hatsune Miku as the vocalist, and Ryo composed "Kotchi Muite Baby", while Livetune composed "Yellow"." Could this be reworded a bit? The sentence seems to be combining passive and active voice, and doesn't sound completely right to me.
- I rewrote it to "Ryo composed "Kotchi Muite Baby" and Livetune composed "Yellow"; both songs are sung by Hatsune Miku."--十八 05:05, 10 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"The full version of the song was released by Sony Music on their website on November 30, 2010 for trial listening." cite preferred, but beyond that, what does trial listening men in this case, i.e. is just a clip of it on, or what it up for a limited time?
- Sentence removed for lack of cite.--十八 05:05, 10 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Ryo found it difficult at first with writing "tenderhearted" lyric" at first to write sounds a bit better.
- Done.--十八 05:05, 10 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

All in all, the prose gets a bit on the dry side at times (much of it is just something being released on date with x proving vocals or y providing music), but it's good enough to be a GA. I'll put the article on hold and pass when the issues are fixed. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:53, 10 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I do admit that the prose needs a good copyedit and it does get repetitive, though I believe that's part and parcel to articles on music bands, at least somewhat in regards to release dates. And of course, thanks for the review after a long 4 month wait.--十八 05:05, 10 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good. If you can find someone to give a copyedit, I would prefer that's done before I pass the article. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 14:41, 10 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It does read better now after the last edit, so I'll pass the article. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 14:16, 11 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]