Talk:Sugar (Brockhampton song)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Sugar (Brockhampton song)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 06:35, 11 April 2022 (UTC)

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

My first review for you in a decent amount of time! --K. Peake 06:35, 11 April 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

• WP:OVERLINK of Dua Lipa under songwriters
• Add a comma after fifth studio album
• Move the mention of the song's guest vocals to being the second sentence of the lead instead
• "The song was written by" → "It was written by"
• "Romil Hemnani and Chuks Chiejine, while it was produced by" → "Romil Hemnani, and Chuks Chiejine, while production was handled by"
• "November 19, 2019 as the album's fifth single before" → "November 19, 2019, as the album's fifth single, before"
• "on December 13, 2019 through" → "on December 13, through"
• "Musically, "Sugar" is a" → "It is a"
• "pop and R&B slow jam driven" → "pop, and R&B slow jam, driven"
• Wikilink acoustic guitar
• Pipe loop to Loop (music)
• "the lyrics have themes of" → "Lyrically, the themes include" starting this a new sentence per my earlier comment about moving guest vocals
• "codependency and the stress of" → "codependency, and the stress of"
• "was met with positive reviews from" → "received positive reviews from"
• "production as well as" → "production, as well as"
• The commercial performance stats should come before the TikTok info that caused it
• Remove social media platform introduction to TikTok because that being in the body is sufficient
• "the US Billboard Hot 100 while charting" → "the US Billboard Hot 100, while charting"
• "Ireland and New Zealand." → "Ireland, and New Zealand."
• "The song was awarded a" → "It was awarded a"
• "the US as well as" → "the US by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), as well as" with the wikilink, also add the names of the other organizations that awarded certifications
• "It was complimented by" → "The video was complimented by"
• Mention at least one of the live performances in the lead
• Add commas around featuring English singer Dua Lipa
• "vocal contributions from Lipa and Jon B. as well as" → "additional vocals from Lipa and Jon B., as well as"
• "Usher Raymond and William Wood" → "Usher Raymond, and William Wood"
• Pipe sample to Sampling (music)
• Remove release year of the Usher song and the fact it is a single since this is not notable for the lead
• "first verse before duetting with Beatty and weaving her vocals in and out throughout while" → "first verse, before duetting with Beatty and weaving her vocals in and out throughout, while"
• "her vocals with the band." → "her vocals with Brockhampton."
• "for its pairing of" → "for the pairing of" and use a more appropriate term for how the collaborators sound rather than "nice"

 Done

Writing and recording

• Remove commas around Iridescence
• "debut the album lacked" → "debut, the album lacked"
• "They attempted to go back to their roots where" → "Brockhampton attempted to go back to their roots, where"
• Ref(s) should be invoked at the end of any sentences that have direct quotations
• "referred to by Romil Hemnani" → "referred to by band member Romil Hemnani in retrospect"
• "but the band ended up putting off" → "though ultimately abandoned"
• "After the group invited" → "After Brockhampton invited"
• Remove overly obvious wikilink on the English capital London per WP:OVERLINK
• "on the guitar before Manwa" → "on the guitar, before Manwa"
• "moved to the keys and bass before the latter played" → "moved to the keys, bass, and chords, prior to the latter playing" with the pipes
• "At first it was just his" → "At first, the song consisted of his"
• Pipe pitch to Pitch (music)
• "and "Boy Bye" were" → "and "Boy Bye", was"
• "day it started getting mixed." → "day, its mixing process began." with the pipe
• "as well as the addition of" → "and the addition of"
• Pipe hook to Hook (music)
• "Manwa and McLennon all threw in ideas," → "Manwa, and McLennon all put ideas forward,"
• "Hemnani and Chiejine, with production by" → "Hemnani, and Chiejine, with production being handled by"
• Add a comma after New York City
• Add a comma before William Wood

 Done

Music and lyrics

• Add a comma after pop on the audio sample text
• Wikilink acoustic guitar and pipe looped to Loop (music) on the text
• [8] should not be after the influences because that already appears later on in this sentence
• Add a comma after pop
• "slow jam[8][11][12][13] with" → "slow jam,[8][11][12][13] with"
• Wikilink acoustic guitar
• Pipe loop to Loop (music)
• "shingles of synths" → "shingles of synths," with the pipe
• Pipe groove to Groove (music)
• "to a crush saying" → "to a crush, saying"
• "The group sings rhythmic lyrics" → "Brockhampton sings rhythmic lyrics"
• "keep it hip hop with" → "keep it hip hop, with"
• Wikilink vocoder
• Wikilink pre-chorus per MOS:LINK2SECT
• A full-stop is not needed after the closing line since the question mark works as grammar to close the sentence
• "and Jon B as well as" → "and Jon B., as well as"
• "on the first verse" → "on the first verse,"
• "nobody help" before" → "nobody help", before"
• Pipe backing vocals to Backing vocalist
• "longing and devotion while" → "longing, and devotion, while"
• "Jon B sings with" → "Jon B. sings with"
• "remains the same while" → "remains the same, while"
• "outro repeating "I'm" → "outro repeating: "I'm" plus place punctuation inside speech marks per MOS:QUOTE on full sentences
• Why is [31] invoked at the end of the sentence when it does not source anything there?

 Done

Release and promotion

• "on August 23, 2019 as" → "on August 23, 2019, as"
• "in June 2019 resulting in the band" → "in June 2019, resulting in them"
• "on November 7, 2019 as" → "on November 7, 2019, as" and mention the labels that it impacted through
• "on December 13." → "on December 13, 2019."
• "and Apple Music as well as" → "and Apple Music, as well as"
• Pipe radio airplay to Airplay
• "on March 13 before being" → "on March 13, 2020, five days before being"

 Done

Critical reception

• Retitle to Reception per rankings and remix reviews
• HypeBeast → Hypebeast
• "Derrick Rossignol of Uproxx" → "Derrick Rossignol of Uproxx,"
  •  Not done per Wikipedia_talk:Manual_of_Style/Text_formatting/Archive_4#Should_website_names_be_italicized?. LOVI33 04:52, 13 April 2022 (UTC)

• Alright, thanks for pointing that out. --K. Peake 06:18, 13 April 2022 (UTC)

• "and sweet" while also" → "and sweet", while also"
• "darkness of the preceding" track" → "darkness" of the previous album track"
• Remove the comment about the band accomplishing their goal per lack of relevancy to the song
• "of the group's "most boy band-esque tracks" while" → "of Brockhampton's "most boy band-esque tracks", whereas"
• "number" while comparing it to" → "number", drawing comparisons to"
• "shows growth for the band" → "shows growth for Brockhampton"
• "the band leans into their "capital-P Pop tendencies" while" → "Brockhampton leans into their "capital-P Pop tendencies", while"
• "hook we're reminiscent of a" → "hook are reminiscent of a"
• "song while mentioning that" → "song, alongside mentioning that" to avoid overusage of while
• "summer" as well as" → "summer", as well as"
• Start a new para for the rankings since they need to be separated from actual reviews, also merge the reviews up to Los Angeles Times with the above para in this context
• "of 2019 with writer Dee Lockett noting that" → "of 2019; writer Dee Lockett noted that"
• "Lipa's performance saying" → "Lipa's performance, saying"
• "the rest" of the group." → "the rest" of Brockhampton."
• Uproxx should not be italicised
  •  Not done per above. LOVI33 04:52, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
• "even out the track's experience"." → "even out" its experience."
• Remove wikilink on MTV
• "immediately" while also" → "immediately", while also"
• "the "seriously sweet moment" Jon B's" → "the "seriously sweet moment" of Jon B's"
• Remove pipe on Top 40
• "vibe" but "adds a few" → "vibe" with "a few"

 Done

Commercial performance

• "chart before entering the US" → "chart, before entering the" adding US before the first chart instead since that is also an American one
• "of number 31 and 28" → "of numbers 31 and 28"
• "double platinum certification from" → "double platinum certification by"
• "on the Canadian Hot 100 before" → "on the Canadian Hot 100, before"
• "in January 2020 before peaking at" → "in January 2020, a month before peaking at" removing the following month part, obviously
• "in the UK." → "in the United Kingdom." and mention when it was certified as such
• "The song was certified gold in Poland by" → "The song was certified gold by" because the country is mentioned at the end of this sentence, also add when it was certified as such
• Mention when the Portuguese certification was too
• "certification from the" → "certification by the" and mention the certification date
• "the following month before" → "the next month, before" to avoid overusage of following
• Mention the date it was certified by RMNZ

 Done

Music videos

Version 1

• "MTVU as well as MTV's Times Square billboard before" → "MTVU, as well as MTV's Times Square billboard, before"
• "and Ways & Means with" → "and Ways & Means, with"
• Safdie Brothers → Safdie brothers
• "as co-producers and Oscar Boyson, Lana Kim and" → "as co-producers, alongside Oscar Boyson, Lana Kim, and"
• "of photography while Nick Lenzini did" → "of photography, while Nick Lenzini handled"
• Pipe VFX to Visual effects
• "Frender and Max Colt and animation" → "Frender and Max Colt, and animation" with the wikilink
• Img looks good!
• Wikilink the California Raisins
• "screams before McLennon and" → "screams, before McLennon and"
• "with the slime dripping onto the other members' as well as" → "which drips onto the other members', and"
• "with the video while also" → "with the video, while also"
• "Claire Shaffer called the video "zany" and the group's" → "Shaffer called the video "zany" and possibly Brockhampton's"
• "while also stating" → "alongside stating that"
• Add release year(s) of the films
• "four-minute ride" while" → "four-minute ride", wheras"

 Done

Version 2

• Img looks good!
• "iPhone shots and editing" → "iPhone shots, and editing"
• "The Digital imaging technician was Kevin Doann while" → "The digital imaging technician was Kevin Doann, while"
• "was created as the group" → "was created because Brockhampton"
• "the group and Ryan Beatty" → "the band and Beatty"
• "props including a revolving mirror as well as a ladder and chairs." → "props, including a revolving mirror, ladder, and chairs."
• "Bearface's comes to the shoot, just out of" → "Bearface comes to the shoot having just got out of"
• "hair while Abstract wears" → "hair, while Abstract wears"
• Pipe MySpace to Myspace
• "and the video closing with the mirror getting" → "and the mirror getting"
• Remove pipe on Billboard and mention the name of the writer

 Done

Live performances

• Remove wikilink on Los Angeles
• The performance being their Ellen debut is not sourced
  • Fixed. LOVI33 05:09, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
• "while the group sat down on" → "while the band sat down on"
• "on the setlist of the group's" → "on the setlist of their"
• "Beatty joined the group" → "Beatty joined Brockhampton"

 Done

Track listings

• Add the appropriate sources for the track listings
  •  Done
• "Sugar" (remix) → "Sugar" (Remix)
  •  Not done per MOS:MUSICCAPS

Personnel

• Add a source for this per no album liner notes

 Done

• For Brandon Bost and Matthew Scatchell, shouldn't the original version credits be before remix?
  • I put the remix first so that it is explicit that they had different duties on the remix for the note. LOVI33 05:12, 13 April 2022 (UTC)

Charts

• Good

Certifications

• Good

Release history

• Pipe Sony to Sony Music

 Done

See also

• Good

Footnotes

• Good

References

• Copyvio score looks decent at 37.5%
• Shouldn't refs 8 and 23 have url-access limited?
• Pipe The Singles Jukebox to Stylus Magazine on ref 19
• Cite Uproxx as publisher instead on refs 26, 32, 49, 82 and 98
  •  Not done per above. LOVI33 05:20, 13 April 2022 (UTC)
• HypeBeast → Hypebeast on refs 30, 40 and 102
• Ref 39 should include appropriate citation(s) for a various release, not merely an Australian one
• Pipe Sony Music Group to Sony Music on refs 44 and 45

 Done

External links

• Good

Final comments and verdict

•  On hold until all of the issues are fixed; good job on this! --K. Peake 09:20, 12 April 2022 (UTC)
  • Thanks for the review Kyle Peake. All the issues have been addressed. LOVI33 05:21, 13 April 2022 (UTC)

• ✓ Pass now, good job on this and I did some brief copy editing where I had not found certain issues initially! --K. Peake 06:18, 13 April 2022 (UTC)