Talk:Studebaker/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 19:20, 23 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article tonight. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 19:20, 23 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The first issue I see, before I go further, is something in the refs. For the journal and book, of 50ish and 121 pages, respectively, I would greatly prefer that the individual page was noted for each citation. This way if someone were to read the book they would easily know where to go. If this is possible to fix in a timely manner then do so, if not I might let it slide, since it's not a huge number of pages. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:44, 24 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

After actually reading through the article, I see what you did with the page numbers now, so nevermind what I said above. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 21:09, 25 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Here's the issues I found:

"Photographs of the brothers and their parents are reproduced in the 1918 company history, which was written by Erskine after he became president, in memory of John M.[4]:p.5 whose portrait appears on the front cover. Directors Frederick Samuel Fish and Henry Goldman are also pictured in the book." I'm not sure of the relevance of this to the article itself. Feels a little tangential to me, but if you think it should be kept in I won't force the issue.
Any references to John M need to have a period for his initial (John M.). Same with any other names like that.
"During the height of westward migration and wagon train pioneering, half of the wagons used were Studebakers. They made about a quarter of them, and manufactured the metal fittings for other builders in Missouri for another quarter-century." I'd like to see a cite added for that.
"The best people were buying Studebaker sulkies, broughams, clarences, phaetons, runabouts, victorias, and tandems." what is meant by "best"?
"The wealthiest could buy for $20,000 a four-in-hand smart enough to carry a dozen swells in style," huh?
"In 1889, incoming President Harrison" link harrison
"The worldwide economic depression of 1893 caused a dramatic pause in sales and the plant closed down for five weeks, but industrial relations were good and the organised workforce declared faith in their employer." cite should be added here too.
"(See main article Studebaker Electric (automobile).)" Work the link into the prose itself, rather than self-referencing, which is discouraged.
The Garford section is unreferenced.
"Under the agreement with Studebaker" when did the agreement occur? Same for the EMF one.
First para of E-M-F needs to be cited.
"After taking over E-M-F's facilities, Studebaker sought to remedy the customer dissatisfaction by paying mechanics to visit each disgruntled owner and replace defective parts in their vehicles, at a total cost of US$1 million." and "From that time, Studebaker's own marque was put on all new automobiles produced at the former E-M-F facilities as an assurance that the vehicles were well built." at least one of those should be cited, both is fine too.
"Buses, fire engines, and even small rail locomotives were produced using the same powerful six-cylinder engines." cite needed
"In 1925, the corporation's most successful distributor and dealer Paul G. Hoffman came to South Bend as vice-president" commas before and after Hoffman.
"In 1926, Studebaker became the first automobile manufacturer in the United States to open a controlled outdoor proving ground on which, in 1937, would be planted 5,000 pine trees in a pattern that spelled "STUDEBAKER" when viewed from the air. " cite needed
"By 1929, the sales list had been expanded to 50 models and business was so good that 90 per cent of earnings were being paid out as dividends to shareholders in a highly competitive environment." cite
For the 1920s facilities, link the cities rather than bolding them.
"$6m," I'd either write out the number or say 6/six million.
World War II section is unreferenced.
"Studebaker prepared well in advance for the anticipated post-war market and launched the slogan First by far with a post-war car." cite needed.
The images start to bundle up in the middle, messing with the column widths. A few of them could be moved down closer to the end of the article.
"The new trunk design prompted a running joke that one could not tell if the car was coming or going." cite
""Avanti II". (See main article Avanti cars (non-Studebaker).)" combine to make a link; avoid self-references in text.
The final few paragraphs are nearly unreferenced (between last automobiles produced and network and other assets), the first two are fully unref'd.
Both date styles are used (month day, year and day month year). Stick to one. Since it's a US company it would be the former. By that same token, there is some British English used in this article rather than American English (i.e. favourite). That needs to be fixed.

I was originally planning on putting the article on hold, but due to the volume of issues I found, I'm going to fail it as a GAN. When the issues are fixed and the article is re-nom'd, it should pass with little difficulty, since I hit on pretty much every issue. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 02:06, 26 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]