Talk:Stuart Tomlinson/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 04:57, 3 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article sometime tomorrow. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:57, 3 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Here are the issues I found:

Any early life info or a bit more personal life into? Rather scant as is, though I know that stuff can be hard to find.

Well I found this forum post, the woman pictured is Denise Welch, so that would seem to show that he was modelling something on the TV programme Loose Women (as the poster implies). This is his twitter account if that is worth putting in.--Echetus Xe 12:43, 5 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Chris Armstrong put one past him, though Crewe ran out 3–1 winners at Boundary Park." rather jargony as is. Perhaps ..scored a goal on him, though Crewe won the game..

Changed that and added a bit of detail.--Echetus Xe 12:43, 5 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Clayton Ince came off injured" a bit oddly worded, reword to say he left the game due to injury, which sounds cleaner.

Again, changed and added a bit of detail.--Echetus Xe 12:43, 5 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I won't note further jargon issues than those two, but ask that you find a second person to do a cleanup for that.

Ok, I cleaned it up myself. Sorry about that.--Echetus Xe 13:05, 5 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

May I ask why "Railwaymen" and "Lions" are in quotes?

They are nicknames, a bit like William Perry being called "The Fridge". In the US teams are officially titled the New York Yankees or whatever, but with football teams in the UK the nickname is not a part of the title, so they tend to be written in italics or in quotes. Personally I think the "Railwaymen" looks better than the Railwaymen.

"He really came to prominence though in the Football League Trophy tie " not a good tone there, reword. Source says nothing about rising to prominence anyway.

Ok, I found another source describing his 'heroic effort' on the night.--Echetus Xe 12:43, 5 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'm actually going to stop here and wait for the copyedit/jargon-check before continuing, since the prose is not all that great. Rest of the article is fine. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:48, 4 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good so far: here is my second batch of comments:

"After recovering from a twisted ankle,[5] the young keeper's next senior game" it can simply say "Tomlinson's next senior game"

Okie dokie.--Echetus Xe 10:22, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I always thought halftime was one word, or is that different in football?

My spell-check underlines 'halftime' in red. Looking on Wiki here, dictionary.reference.com, and merriam-webster, all seem to say that 'halftime/half-time/half time are all correct. I changed both examples in the article to 'half-time' as a compromise lol.--Echetus Xe 10:22, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"At the end of the season he signed his first professional contract," any details on the contract? If not that's fine, just curious.

No, but I found his old Crewe profile which confirms that he did turn professional in summer 2003. The contract will be the same for all unproven youth players, £100-250 a week, I'm not sure.--Echetus Xe 10:22, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"before he managed join Burton them for a pre-season friendly" huh?

Corrected that.--Echetus Xe 10:22, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"New manager Gudjon Thordarson told him that he would not offered a new contract" not be offered.

Thanks.--Echetus Xe 10:22, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Adams surprised many by selecting his number 12 as the goalkeeper in the opening game of the season," perhaps just say by selecting Tomlinson, since it's not originally clear that Tomlinson is number 12.

Yeah, I thought that, thanks!--Echetus Xe 10:22, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll put the article on hold, and once these issues are fixed I'll pass it. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 23:55, 5 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Everything looks good now, so I'll pass the article. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:50, 8 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you!--Echetus Xe 10:19, 8 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]