Talk:Stephen Hawking/GA4

GA Review

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Reviewer: Binksternet (talk · contribs) 04:41, 9 February 2012 (UTC)

• The signature image, File:Hawkingsig.svg, appears to have no valid source and no reason for existence. It was not uploaded by Hawkings, certainly.

  I've left a message for the original uploader to see if they can shed any light, but you are quite right, it's a little low on on sourcing.Failedwizard (talk) 20:13, 9 February 2012 (UTC)

  Coming back to this, I've dropped the signature anyway following a reading of Wikipedia:Signatures_of_living_persons Fayedizard (talk) 07:53, 13 February 2012 (UTC)

• Why is the lame "Memory Alpha" Star Trek-style biography in the External links?

  It has gone. Failedwizard (talk) 20:13, 9 February 2012 (UTC)

• "He has visited it to deliver one of the lectures..." One of which lectures?

  Changed to "to deliver a lecture of his own and"

• In several places, the text uncomfortably bounces from past to present tense. One such instance is "A Cambridge scientist built a speech generating device that enables Hawking". Perhaps enabled would work better.

  Ill start doing some work on this now Failedwizard (talk) 20:13, 9 February 2012 (UTC)

  I gone most of the way though with these now, but could have missed a couple :( Fayedizard (talk) 07:53, 13 February 2012 (UTC)

• The term "Bekenstein–Hawking radiation" is wikilinked in one instance to the biography of Bekenstein and in the other to Hawking radiation. If the phenomenon is usually called Hawking radiation, why is it that the article calls upon Bekenstein without crediting him specifically?

  Changed to link to the correct redirect page.Failedwizard (talk) 20:13, 9 February 2012 (UTC)

  Only one wikilink is needed to take the reader to the article about Hawking radiation. The wikilink surrounding Bekenstein-Hawking radiation is not needed because it does the exact same job. Binksternet (talk) 18:58, 10 February 2012 (UTC)

  Removed :) Failedwizard (talk) 07:57, 11 February 2012 (UTC)

• More review later. Binksternet (talk) 05:35, 9 February 2012 (UTC)

  Cool - and thank you for taking the time to get involved :)

• No problems with disambiguation.
• No problems with external links.
• Oxford spelling is used by Robert Berman who is quoted directly, but the article as a whole is spelt in non-Oxford English. Should we silently change his spelling to keep the article consistent? Note that the article does not use the Oxford comma (serial comma).

  So my reading of Wikipedia:ENGVAR#National_varieties_of_English and MOS:QUOTE#Quotations suggests that the quote keep it's original spelling as long as it's clearly a quote... but I'm happy to open a dialog here... Failedwizard (talk) 07:57, 11 February 2012 (UTC)

  No biggie, I just wondered what the guidelines recommended. Binksternet (talk) 08:50, 11 February 2012 (UTC)

• Synthesizer => synthesiser

  Done Failedwizard (talk) 07:57, 11 February 2012 (UTC)

• Too many instances of "after" in one sentence, and possible unneeded "also": "After analysis of gamma ray emissions, Hawking also suggested that after the Big Bang, primordial mini black holes were formed."

  Changed to "Following analysis of gamma ray emissions, Hawking suggested that after the Big Bang, primordial mini black holes were formed." Failedwizard (talk) 07:57, 11 February 2012 (UTC)

• Unneeded also? "After analysis of gamma ray emissions, Hawking also suggested..."

  Changed to "Following analysis of gamma ray emissions, Hawking suggested that after the Big Bang, primordial mini black holes were formed." Failedwizard (talk) 07:57, 11 February 2012 (UTC)

• More review to come. Binksternet (talk) 18:58, 10 February 2012 (UTC)

• Some of the text within the early life and career sections do not quite fit those sections. The bit about returning to his old school many years later is not about his early life. The paragraph beginning "Hawking's achievements were made despite" is not about his career, and it refers to achievements that are not yet described in the article body. Binksternet (talk) 20:00, 12 February 2012 (UTC)

  I'll have a poke, I'm also considering renaming the Distinctions section something like 'public engagement' and moving it down to his publications page, so I'll see how that looks when I'm moving the rest of the stuff around...  :) Fayedizard (talk) 20:05, 12 February 2012 (UTC)

  Did some moving around - let me know how it looks.Fayedizard (talk) 23:43, 12 February 2012 (UTC)

• What specifically was the old bet that Hawking lost? Binksternet (talk) 20:08, 12 February 2012 (UTC)

  Added a clearer explanation from Thorne–Hawking–Preskill bet Fayedizard (talk) 23:43, 12 February 2012 (UTC)

  Superb addition! Binksternet (talk) 22:05, 13 February 2012 (UTC)

• The bit about Hawking's son having a son sports a "citation needed" template. One way or another, that must be fixed. Binksternet (talk) 20:10, 12 February 2012 (UTC)

  All the sources I can find only talk about one grandchild (lucy's son) so I've dropped the content. Fayedizard (talk) 23:43, 12 February 2012 (UTC)

• This parenthetical statement is not really needed: "...why we (the human race) explore..." It could be trimmed to "...why humans explore..."

DoneFayedizard (talk) 08:08, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

• Is there any closure on the proposed 2009 suborbital flight? Can the reader find out if it happened?

  Tricky - my understanding is that Virgin havn't started taking passengers yet - have changed to "future sub-orbital spaceflight on Virgin Galactic's space service" - sound okay? Fayedizard (talk) 08:08, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

• The Hawking quote could be trimmed of these sentences and the initial phrase without losing any substance: "Many people have asked me why I am taking this flight. I am doing it for many reasons. First of all,"

  I'd like to have a bit more of a conversation about this one - are you sure that the quote won't look out of place in the section without that first sentence connecting the flight to the rest of the opinion?

  No sweat. I only suggested the trim because it seemed that context was sufficient to delete the first two sentences. The issue is not vital. Binksternet (talk) 18:41, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

• The section "Existence and nature of extraterrestrial life" needs a little more attention. The first sentence could have the following change: "parts of the universe and presented" changed to "parts of the universe, and he presented". The quotes each need to be followed immediately by a cite.

  Done Fayedizard (talk) 08:08, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

• Amyotrophic is spelled in lower case when in the middle of a sentence.

  Done Fayedizard (talk) 08:08, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

• The phrase "speak what he has typed" could be trimmed to "speak what he typed".

  Done Fayedizard (talk) 08:08, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

• In the "Illness" section the 1985 pneumonia shows up twice, in two different paragraphs. Can the two bits be merged?

  Done Fayedizard (talk) 08:08, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

• Isn't the "Speech synthesizer" section a subsection of "Illness"? It could be given a level three header.

  Done (it's my preference to - but see [1]) Fayedizard (talk) 08:08, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

  Edit - non-issue per User_talk:Dodger67#Hawking

• Ian Walters does not need to be described as renowned or late.

  Done Fayedizard (talk) 08:08, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

• Cite #52 should come after the punctuation.

  Done Fayedizard (talk) 08:08, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

• I am placing the GA review on hold to await improvements. Binksternet (talk) 05:52, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

• Passed! Good work, all. Before this GAN, I had never seen Hawking's WP biography, even though I have had the pleasure of connecting his speech synthesiser to a sound system for amplification at a large event (I'm a live sound engineer by trade.) The man is a marvel. Binksternet (talk) 18:41, 16 February 2012 (UTC)

Some notes for further improvement

• The illness section should be recast for the reader who has skipped right down to it. It should progress chronologically, first saying when he got the illness and then how it progressed. The bit about "if confirmed" should be explained. The horse and coxswain bits should be removed from "Illness" and folded into "Early life". Dikran Tahta should be said to have influenced Hawking at a certain age range or grade level. The abbreviation of intelligence quotient should be either IQ or I.Q. but not both. The word "God" should not be in quotes because Hawking was talking about God as commonly conceived by more religious Westerners. More work needs to be done so that all the papers, books and cites use the same punctuation, wikilinking, etc., such that they appear consistent to the reader. The word "surprisingly" will need to be defended or deleted. Jacob Bekenstein ought to be mentioned in connection with Hawking radiation. Binksternet (talk) 18:41, 16 February 2012 (UTC)