Talk:Special Boat Service/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Gary King (talk) 18:55, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"The SBS is manned by ranks drawn mostly from the Royal Marines and carries out a similar role to the Army's Special Air Service, but, traditionally, with more of a focus on amphibious operations." – Reword to something like "The SBS is manned by ranks drawn mostly from the Royal Marines and carries out a role similar to the Army's Special Air Service, but with a traditionally stronger focus on amphibious operations." – To eliminate the numerous stops in the sentence.
"The SBS also operate on" – "operate" should be "operates" as you're treating "SBS" as a singular noun. Be sure the rest of the article is like that.
"land locked" – should be a single word
"The Special Boat Section, was founded" – why the comma?
"Initially known as the Folboat Troop, after the type of" – Should either be "Initially named as the Folboat Troop, after the type of" or "Initially known as the Folboat Troop, named after the type of" – Speaking of which, this sentence needs to start with "It" otherwise there's no subject.
"Attached to Layforce they moved to the middle east,[7] and later worked with the" – The connection between these clauses needs to improve. The sentence, in fact, needs some rewording. Perhaps "and later worked with" – "they later worked with" and then "behind on Crete and a number" – "behind on Crete and performed a number"
By the way, "middle east" should be capitalized.
"out Operation Anglo a raid" – comma after "Anglo"
"The SBS was then absorbed into the SAS.[" – Why did this happen? Did it result directly from the events described earlier?
"Major the Earl Jellico.[12] they moved" – capitalize "They"
"the Small Scale Raiding Force forming the Special" – comma necessary before "forming". Which removes the need for the comma in "Squadron, under command", consequently.

Okay, that's all for now. There are similar issues of flow throughout the article, and some minor capitalization or punctuation issues that you might have missed. Gary King (talk) 18:55, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments addressed --Jim Sweeney (talk) 20:32, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"The No2 SBS, which retained its name, Special Boat Section, throughout the war, took" – Needs to be reworded to reduce number of commas. Some things are ambiguous because of this, such as if the events explained in the sentence are "throughout the war", or they retained that name only throughout the war.
I think http://www.military-careers.co.uk/Products/view/13 is unreliable, unless you can prove otherwise, so it needs to be replaced.

Gary King (talk) 20:56, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Reply - reworked sections above - the www.military-careers.co.uk page has been replaced by more comprehensive book refs. --Jim Sweeney (talk) 07:38, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Passing Gary King (talk) 18:46, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]