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GA Review

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Shiroi Heya no Futari/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Alexandra IDV (talk · contribs) 16:06, 31 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Love seeing all your manga GANs! Please ping me if I haven't returned with a review in a week from now.--AlexandraIDV 16:06, 31 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Shikeishu

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Beautiful and very interesting article, thank you so much for this and all of your other work on shōjo. I definitely think it should be considered a Good Article. I read through it and have some comments/thoughts:
  • In Reception and legacy it says "The series was favorably assessed". But since it's a one-shot, it's not a series, right?
  • Some of the transliteration seems inconsistent. Why not Maya no Sōretsu, Shōnen Kenya and Sōji Yamakawa?
  • I wonder if Fujimoto, Friedman or others give any more examples of which concrete yuri titles or artists other than Citrus used the Crimson and Rose archetype.
  • I would be interested in why Yonezawa and Takahashi call some of the output of Ribon Comic radical.
  • I noticed that you don't mention the Year 24 Group. It would be interesting to note how Yamagishi is considered part of it and how Shiroi Heya no Futari relates to the movement.
--Shikeishu (talk) 08:29, 1 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Alexandra

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Lead and infobox

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  • Seems fine.

Plot

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  • Would avoid calling Simone "beautiful" in WP's voice without attributing it. You could choose to reword this to be from Resine's perspective (she does explicitly think of her as beautiful when they first meet), which might be helpful in establishing that this isn't just a one-sided attraction.
    • Revised.
  • I think saying Simone died in a brawl is underselling it a bit - she tells her boyfriend that she loves someone else and has no feelings for him, and goads him into stabbing her.AlexandraIDV 10:51, 6 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]
    • Revised.

Context

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  • These shifts [...]; this shift feels repetitive, and could probably be improved by removing the second "shift".
    • Revised.
  • of which Yamagishi was a member. Due to the addition of Y24 to this article, this is now the first time Yamagishi is mentioned in the article body - so we should call her Ryoko Yamagishi and link her here, while the first mention of her in the next section should be just "Yamagishi", unlinked.
    • Revised.

Development and release

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  • Shueisha collected the manga along with two other short stories by Yamagishi) - only one parenthesis appears here. Either remove it or add the missing one, whichever you prefer.
    • Revised.

Reception and legacy

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  • consider Shiroi Heya no Futari to be to be a typical of the "radical" social issue-focused output some extraneous words, or possibly some missing
    • Revised.

"Crimson Rose and Candy Girl"

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  • Erica Friedman has already been introduced in the preceding section, so we can just call her Friedman.
    • Done.
  • gay panic leads to that awful legal defense. I don't know if homosexual panic or homohysteria are exactly right either - it might be best to leave "lesbian panic" unlinked.
    • Done.

Sources

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  • All seem fine.

Images

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  • Seems to be in order

Lovely article! I will put this on hold for the standard seven days - please ping me when you've addressed the above, or if you have any questions!--AlexandraIDV 10:27, 6 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Alexandra IDV: Hi, reply above. Morgan695 (talk) 20:41, 6 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you very much! I will promote this in just a moment.--AlexandraIDV 10:09, 7 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Did you know nomination

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The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Cielquiparle (talk15:19, 24 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

  • ... that Shiroi Heya no Futari is regarded as the first work of yuri, a genre of manga and other media focused of female-female romance, despite not being the first manga to depict romance between women? Source: Friedman, Erica (2022). By Your Side: The First 100 Years of Yuri Anime and Manga
    • ALT1: ... that Ryoko Yamagishi developed her manga Shiroi Heya no Futari as a female-female romance because she believed it would be more palatable to a teen girl audience than a male-male romance? Source: Yamagishi, Ryōko (2016). 山岸凉子画集 [Ryoko Yamagishi Art Collection]
    • Reviewed: Bernie Wrightson

Improved to Good Article status by Morgan695 (talk). Self-nominated at 17:06, 7 February 2023 (UTC). Post-promotion hook changes for this nom will be logged at Template talk:Did you know nominations/Shiroi Heya no Futari; consider watching this nomination, if it is successful, until the hook appears on the Main Page.[reply]

General: Article is new enough and long enough
Policy: Article is sourced, neutral, and free of copyright problems
Hook: Hook has been verified by provided inline citation

QPQ: No - Not done
Overall: @Morgan695: Good article. AGF on sources i can't access. Just need a hook. Onegreatjoke (talk) 20:49, 7 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Onegreatjoke: QPQ has been added. Morgan695 (talk) 23:12, 7 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Approve. Onegreatjoke (talk) 16:06, 8 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]