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GA Review

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Reviewer: Femkemilene (talk · contribs) 21:14, 13 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Note: a few of us at a virtual meetup are helping out a bit with review. Will sign our comments. the wub "?!" 14:58, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you everyone for the review! DTM (talk) 07:42, 15 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Earwig came up clean.

Lede and infobox

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I'll try to review this over the next few days. FemkeMilene (talk) 21:14, 13 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

  • A goal (infobox) cannot be pressurizing, that is the method. The goal is to roll back CCA and the rest.
    Done
  • As infoboxes are sometimes read seperately, better not to use too many abbreviations; f.i. NRC-NPR
    Addressed
  • The note with arrested states that 5 were probably arrested, while the number displayed is 0.
    Done. I have updated the entire efn. I found 10 arrests and updated the number accordingly.
  • Mainly consisting of Muslim women, the protesters at Shaheen Bagh, since 14 December 2019, blocked a road[d] in New Delhi using non-violent resistance for 101 days until 24 March 2020 since -> from
    Done
  • neighbouring major highways around the area -> 'neighbouring' and 'around the area' are redundant. Remove either
    Done
  • The Delhi Police said that they will not use force to end the blockade -> past tense?
    Done; will to would
  • Even after the spread of the coronavirus in India, including additional restrictions enforced by the government under the Epidemic Diseases Act, 1897, which includes a ban on gatherings of more than 50 people and the closure of schools, colleges, cinema halls and weekly markets among other things, the Shaheen Bagh protest still continued for several days. Long sentence. Is it relevant that schools and cinemas were closed for the current article?
    Done.
  • The lede stands at 6 paragraphs. Is it possible to reduce this to 4 or 5 per WP:LEAD?
    Done.
  • General location and dates of the protest should be moved earlier in lead. Could potentially have a location map in the infobox. the wub "?!" 14:58, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    Done for now. Added pushpin maps. Shifting the OSM location map to the infobox is yet to be decided.
  • Dates of protest? The source cited in the infobox [1] states the sit-in began on December 15, not December 14. the wub "?!" 14:58, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    Done.
  • Singular or plural protest(s)? Article title and lead mismatch. PamD 15:00, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Question? I would request some help finalizing this. Over at the talk page Buidhe raised this issue and narrowed in on some prospective titles— Shaheen Bagh protests, Shaheen Bagh protest (with a small 'p' as compared to a capitalised 'P' which is currently being used).
  • FemkeMilene; I have tagged Shaheen Bagh protest for the move with the reason "This move is being performed following the talk page and GA review suggestions, with the aim of sorting out the "article title and lead mismatch". While there were multiple protests, they were only "inspired" by the protest at Shaheen Bagh. There was only one protest at Shaheen Bagh which took place over 101 days. As such, I am preferring the singular uncapitalized over the plural." DTM (talk) 05:33, 22 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Background

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  • I think cause is the wrong word. Maybe simply call this section the Citizen's Amendment Act. Triggers aren't quite right either..
    Done
  • On 12 December 2019, the Parliament of India passed the Citizenship (Amendment) Act, 2019 (CAA) -> Should this be 11 December? That's what the lede states.
    As the CAA article states it was passed in India's bicameral legislature on 10 Dec and 11 Dec. The President gave assent and signed it on 12 Dec. Media notes public reactions on different days. I have made some changes to the line in consideration in the Background section. I hope that sorts the confusion. If not I can simplify it.
  • ignited protest of -> protest against
    Done
  • that the country is facing -> unnecessary
    Done/ removed
  • The Indian economy has been witnessing a decreasing growth rate -> has seen a decreasing growth rate
    Removed; a lot of this data has been removed as per below suggestion; another subsection has been introduced "Background#Shaheen Bagh"
  • The unemployment rate of India was reported to have reached a 45-year high of 6.1% in FY 2017–18 -> The unemployment rate reached a 45-year high of 6.1 in ??? 2017-2018. Write FY in full / exlain.
    Removed
  • The Center for Monitoring Indian Economy stated the unemployment rate to be 8.45% with a rate of 37.48% for the 20–24 age group and 12.81% for the 25–29 age group in October 2019. This is what I call a crime against significant digits. Cut down significant digits if you don't have the space to note all the caveats of the source. There are more examples in the paragraph.
    Removed
  • Elderly women have also joined the protest -> tense; protest is finished now. could you look throughout the article for correct tense use?
    Done here; still locating other tense changes needed
  • However, the women protesters immediately made it clear through social media that they would continue -> Gender already mentioned, redundant
    Done
  • Doctors and nurses along with medical students from different medical institutes and hospitals voluntarily joined for the purpose -> joined as volunteers (for the purpose is unnecessary). FemkeMilene (talk) 10:08, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    Done
  • "Oxfam India data states..." needs a reference. the wub "?!" 14:58, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    Removed
  • "That day, Umar Khalid and Jigesh Mevani visited the area and delivered their respective speeches." - not in source given. the wub "?!" 14:58, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    Removed text about speeches; shifted names down merely signifying there presence at site as per sources introduced
  • A lot of the economic inequality data isn't directly linked to the protest. I suspect it's therefore WP:SYNTHESIS to add so much information here. Could you condense? FemkeMilene (talk) 15:02, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    I removed a lot of the data, leaving two line as a summary. New background section introduced "Background#Shaheen Bagh"
  • Comment: As mentioned above, a lot of the economic data has been removed. I have introduced a new section "Background#Shaheen Bagh". A quote has been shifted here, as per suggestion to see if the bunched up quotes could be moved to better locations. DTM (talk) 05:25, 19 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Culture

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  • Should this be renamed Protest art?
    Done
  • voice of resistance and dissent during the event -> should this be wikified? Feels a bit too flowery
    Done
  • Protestors built and erected a 12-metre-high -> erected is redundant
    Done
  • The protest art has been made by anyone: clarify / cut
    Done
  • Speeches, lectures and shayari poetry readings had been held every day -> took place ? (repetitive with following sentence)
    Done
  • Nearby eating establishments in Shaheen Bagh have seen an influx of people with an increase in political conversations, giving them a "taste of revolution".[83] -> remove per summary style?
    I have removed "giving them a "taste of revolution"; do you want me to remove the whole line?
  • Between 2 and 8 February 2020, a musical and cultural event called 'Artists Against Communalism Was this specific to the Shaheen Bagh protests? If not, condense. Otherwise, make link more clear
    Done. The event was at the main protest site as per references used.
  • "Image: Mural at Shaheen Bagh made during the protests" shouldn't be a header, could work as just a caption to the image. the wub "?!" 14:58, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    Shifted into a multiple image template.
  • Why so many quote boxes in this section? Are there more appropriate sections they could be placed in? the wub "?!" 14:58, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    One quote box adjusted, two removed. DTM (talk) 12:41, 20 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hunger strike

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Children at the protest

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  • Children drew issues such as the Australian wildfires (with a child writing "Shaheen Bagh prays for Australia") -> summary style, remove text between parentheses
    Done
  • which were claimed to have been discriminatory in nature -> WP:CLAIM (check throughout)
    Question? Removed this one. I don't think I have quite understood this. Please mention two or three more similar errors if present. I will then go through the article accordingly.
    I've gone through the rest of them, the rest of them are fine :). FemkeMilene (talk) 08:56, 21 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • NCPCR -> abbreviation is introduced without purpose. Is the abbreviation more famous than the organisation? If not, please remove. FemkeMilene (talk) 13:53, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    Removed. DTM (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Map

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I had a look at the map, and ask what is it showing- how does this relates to Dehli. I suggest changing the zoom and using

| minimap = file
| mini-file = location map 2.svg
| mini-width = 120
| mini-height = 96
| minipog-x = x
| minipog-y = y

The infobox needs a map- but whether this is the right one is open to discussion.ClemRutter (talk) 14:59, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Map
About OpenStreetMaps
Maps: terms of use
300m
330yds
Main protest tent
Main
protest
Tent
Police barricades (4)
Police barricades (4)
Police barricades (3)
6
Police barricades (2)
5
Police barricades (1)
Police barricades (1)
Wall mural created during the protest
Wall mural
Foot over bridge covered with protest art
Foot over bridge
One of the reading and art areas
A reading and art area
Interactive map of locations of the Shaheen Bagh protest.[1][2] Pan and zoom the map and click on points for more details and images.

5
Police barricades (2)
6
Police barricades (2)

!The minipog values are a guess!

I had a closer look at Template:OSM Location map and found three things. It is possible to do multiline captions. There is a standard way to do numbered barricades, though I think they must go first to get the number sequence correct. And yes you can then auto-caption into a legend. It did take two hours of research though. ClemRutter (talk) 11:17, 19 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

ClemRutter; Thanks for the pointers. Taking cue from you I read the page and found that regarding the number sequence there is the "numbered" parameter which allows us to manually override the default values. However I have replaced the numbers with colours. I haven't been able to figure out how to shift the OSM template to the infobox (no module parameter etc) so I guess it will have to stay in the body. DTM (talk) 12:01, 21 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Efforts to remove blockade

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  • Picture of map doesn't load
    Removed. Additional maps serve the purpose.
  • the bench of the court was presided by the Chief Justice, DN Patel -> remove per summary style? Why is this relevant?
    Removed.
  • , including senior citizens, school children and office workers -> rm per summary style?
    Removed.
  • (Notably, police brutality is among the protesters' grievances.) -> rm per summary style; already mentioned
    Removed.
  • This was reportedly clarified by the Home Ministry as a routine order -> was it or not. Is the word reportedly necessary
    Removed.
  • Petitions in Supreme Court -> Petitions to the Supreme Court?
    Done
  • A plea was filed in the Supreme Court of India requesting supervision of the matter so as to prevent any violence -> A plea was filed to the Supreme Court of India requesting supervision to prevent any violence.
    Done
  • under the pretext -> is that right?
    Removed.
  • following the North East Delhi riots happened between 23 and 26 February 2020 -> grammar
    Done
  • The second round of talks between the interlocutors and the protesters is underway as of 5 March 2020 -> update
    Updated

Defamation attempts

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  • This was observed after a controversial tweet by filmmaker Vivek Agnihotri went viral, claiming that the protesters of Shaheen Bagh would organise an event to celebrate "Kashmiri Hindu Genocide day" on that day, which the official Twitter handle of Shaheen Bagh debunked. A statement was released which clarified that "malicious elements" were circulating false information on social media, and that the event was not to commemorate the exodus. -> I don't understand this. What was observed? Do we need that introductory sentence? Who released a statement.
  • This demonstrated how the mainstream media's lack of ethical journalism -> can that be reworded more neutrally. FemkeMilene (talk) 14:13, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    Re-written. Hope it is clear now.

Inspiration for other similar protests

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  • which reached -> of? I think redundant with grew
    Done.

Impact of corona

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  • The protest followed the "Janata Curfew", a self-imposed curfew announced by the Prime Minister Narendra Modi on 22 March 2020 If it's announced by Modi, how can it be self-imposed
    Removed.
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Is it necessary to have a gallery? I think not, given the ample amount of images throughout the rest of the article. The picture of the Indian map statue could be moved to where it's mentioned if that doesn't lead to WP:SANDWICHING.

  • Removed.

See also

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Vanamonde's comments

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Some comments, as a semi-involved editor. Feel free to move/section them appropriately, but I do think they're relevant to the GA review process. Vanamonde (Talk) 23:23, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

  • The length of the lead has been mentioned above, but specifically, I think there's too much blow-by-blow detail about the end of the protests. Much of that ought to be relegated to the body.
    The lead now looks a lot better in terms of detail. It's still a little scattered; material about protest motivations, for instance, is spread across two paragraphs; material about its impact (which could use an additional sentence, I think; see below comment about sources) is spread over the entire lead. Some repetition is inevitable, given that the first paragraph is typically a summary of the topic, but this could be reorganized thematically to a greater degree, I believe. Vanamonde (Talk) 16:33, 15 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The "defamation attempts" section seems difficult for an unfamiliar reader to follow. A few more sentences of context would be helpful, and perhaps some reordering.
    I have made some additions and changes. Hope it reads better now?
  • We're far enough away from the protest that a handful of scholarly sources, and some retrospective articles, have appeared. Ideally, working some of these in would be useful. See, for instance, this, this, this, and this. I do not think any extensive reworking is necessary, but framing and analysis from scholarly sources, where available, is useful.
    Thank you for linking the International Journal of Communication paper. It is a good piece. I have integrated it into the article, currently only at "Background#Shaheen Bagh". I have kept the other articles in mind and will keep searching online and see how to integrate them. DTM (talk) 06:43, 19 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    I have managed to place all the above references. Have a quick glance over usage of the TIME reference at the beginning of the "Background" section please. Does the placement seem alright? DTM (talk) 15:01, 20 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

References

  1. ^ Lalwani, Vijayta (24 February 2020). "The road that opened near Shaheen Bagh had been blocked by Delhi police, not protestors". The Scroll. Archived from the original on 29 November 2020. Retrieved 11 February 2021.
  2. ^ Singh, Paras (21 February 2020). "Shaheen Bagh road closure: Cops have their reasons". The Times of India. Archived from the original on 23 February 2020. Retrieved 11 February 2021.

Comments

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Femkemilene; have I missed out on any big changes that are still needed? DTM (talk) 11:27, 22 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I've further condensed the lede. I'm happy now. Really impressive work done in a week! FemkeMilene (talk) 17:16, 22 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for all the review suggestions! They really got my mind working. DTM (talk) 04:33, 23 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
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