Talk:Scott Rush/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Keithbob (talk · contribs) 18:21, 7 December 2011 (UTC)

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	Editors have done a nice job of assembling material but overall the article reads like a magazine news piece about a single event, rather than an encyclopedic account of a man's entire life. "It was reported that", "Media reports also claim", "Further information released following his sentencing, state that", "According to claims made in his defence by Rush's lawyer", "Commenting on the matter at the time", "When asked why he chose to travel to Bali on a paid holiday, Rush replied" It contains too much, off topic information and gives undue weight to details surrounding the single event for which the subject is notable. It needs significant editing and reduction. Here are some specific problem areas: Organization--We should use standard, neutral sections wherever possible such as Early life, Adult life, Personal life etc. This will help editors to keep the material in BLP context and not think in terms of creating a news story. Off topic information--"On 20 April 2005, graphic footage of the arrests and subsequent police questioning of Rush and other members of the Bali Nine was aired on Australian television", "On the same day that Rush was arrested, Indonesian police also arrested Si Yi Chen, Nguyen, Sukumaran and Matthew Norman at the Melasti Hotel in Kuta. Alleged co-ringleader, Andrew Chan was also arrested the same day whilst seated on an Australian Airlines flight waiting to depart Denpasar for Sydney. At the time Chan was arrested, he was carrying three mobile phones and a boarding pass. No drugs were found in his possession." "Chen, Nguyen, and Norman were tried together, with Czugaj being one of the remaining six defendants tried separately." Quotes--See WP:QUOTE and WP:MOSQUOTE. There are too many quotes. Wikipedia prefers that editors summarize the information in their own words. Also many of the quotes are placed in Block Quote format which is not appropriate for quotes of less than three sentences in length. Lead--Too much detail, things like this need to be removed: "former", "on his first trip to Bali", "on 13 February" "in a surprise outcome handed down" "on 6 September", "on 10 May" Early Life--This run on sentence needs to be fixed "From Chelmer, a western suburb of Brisbane, it was revealed following his arrest, conviction and sentencing, that during Rush's school years, he was expelled from Brisbane's St Laurence's College during his Year 10 studies in a drug-related incident." and the editorializing in the middle should be taken out. Criticism of Australian Federal Police tipoff--This entire section is filled with off topic information about peripheral aspects of the crime and the criminal justice system and not about the life of the subject. Most or all of the material in this section should be removed and instead used in the Bali Nine article. I could go on section by section, but I think you get the idea.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	see above
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.	Sources are nicely formatted
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	Would prefer to evaluate the sources once the article has been reorganized and rewritten.
	2c. it contains no original research.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.	It is missing information about the subjects life ie , his youth, his education, his work experience etc.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	Too much detail in the lead and a lot of off topic information (see prose section above)
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.	At present with all the undue weight and off topic info, I would say that it is somewhat non-neutral although this is a purely unintentional consequence of the current arrangement of the material.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.	Citations are nicely formatted and editors have accumulated a variety of sources but overall this article needs a lot of work. It should be reduced to about half the current size and the prose needs to be rewritten to conform with standard Wikipedia encyclopedic tone, phrasing and organization as outlined above. Off topic info needs to be removed and the article needs to be re-balanced and the material presented in the context of a person's life instead of a news event. At this time I must fail the article in its bid for GA status.