Talk:Scott Kingery/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 20:13, 10 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I will be reviewing this! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 20:13, 10 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

References

Ahwatukee feels like it should be a misspelling, but it isn’t! All refs look good!

Lead

” Central Arizona College, but ultimately followed an offer” – “Central Arizona College but ultimately accepted an offer”
- Done
I’d link the positions in the lead (shortstop, outfield, second base, etc.)
- Done
No comma needed after Player of the Year
- Done
”and was outrighted” – I don’t think “was” is needed here.
- Done

Early life

Did their father coach the Little League team? If so, I’d move this info to that sentence.
- Done and reworded that paragraph to the best of my ability
”As a baseball player at Mountain Pointe High School in Ahwatukee, Kingery's coach referred to him as having” – “While Kingery played baseball at Mountain Pointe High School in Ahwatukee, his coach said that he had”
- Done
”He continued that momentum as a senior” – “He posted similar numbers as a senior” – I feel like momentum makes more sense in the context of a game or a season.
- Done

College career

”coaches for his” – “coaches because of his”
- Done
”there may be room” – “there might be room”
- Done
No comma needed after Division I coaches
- Done
For Cape Cod All-Star Game, may want to link All-Star
- Done
”he scored 15 doubles, five triples, five home runs, 36 RBIs, and stole 11 bases in 54 games” – “he recorded 15 doubles, five triples, five home runs, 36 RBIs, and 11 stolen bases in 54 games.”
- Done
No comma needed after fielding percentage
- Done

Minor league career

.270 isn’t that much higher than .250, so I’d cut how he did in his first 31 games and jump straight to giving his stats for the year.
- Done
Also, I’d recommend putting at bats instead of plate appearances, as batting average (mentioned) is tabulated from at bats, while on-base-percentage (not mentioned) is tabulated from plate appearances.
- Done
Just noticed that ref 21 mentions Kingery enjoyed watching Dustin Pedroia while growing up—might be a good thing to mention in the early life section
- Done
No comma needed after Grapefruit League games
- Done
”the Phillies promoted Kingery” – “Kingery was promoted” – I know this throws it into the passive voice, but it makes clear that the prior clause was modifying Kingery, and not the Phillies.
- Done
”after he made” – “after he had made”
- Done
I’d take out the comma after Rule 5 draft—they are both independent clauses, but they seem to read better without the comma, probably because they’re both reasons for the first clause. If that makes any sense…
- Done

Philadelphia Phillies

Take out the comma after .381
- Done
”that they had signed Kingery to a six-year, $24 million contract extension, and that he had been named to the team's” – “that they had signed Kingery to a six-year, $24 million contract extension and added him to their”
- Done
”he scored his first” – “he recorded his first”
- Done
”he scored a grand slam” – “he recorded a grand slam”
- Done
How did he fare in his pitching debut?
- Better than expected, for a position player!
No comma needed after .226
- Done
How did he know Aaron Judge? If it was from childhood, might want to include this in the early life section.
- Apparently they're offseason workout buddies; that's the most I could find
I’d add “private” before Richard Schenck—was wondering why there wasn’t an article about the Phillies’ hitting coach for a minute!
- Done (and technically we don't have an article for one right now because we, uh, don't have a hitting coach at the moment)
”Kingery's batting average improved to .258 and 19 home runs” – “Kingery had better offensive numbers, batting .258 with 19 home runs.”
- Done
Herrera suspension…hmmm…where have I read about that before?
- 2019 was a rough year in the outfield...
The last sentence of the 2020 paragraph doesn’t need a comma.
- Done
”struggled in spring training” – I’d put 2021 before spring training (then take it out at the end of the sentence)
- Done
”Torreyes was unavailable” – “Torreyes became unavailable”
- Done
No comma needed after that May
- Done
Lehigh Valley stats for 2021?
- Added
A few days ago, I thought about reviewing this one but decided to wait until after the season so the 2021 coverage could be complete. Guess there wasn’t any need to wait for Kingery!
- I had a similar moment where I was going through my GANs after the season ended to add some stats and maybe analysis, and then I went, "Oh, I guess I can skip over Kingery!"

Player profile

If you mention that Schenck was an independent hitting coach earlier (I said “private” but independent works too), you can cut “an independent hitting coach” here.
- Done
”by focusing on finding gaps in the field and hitting more line drives” – “by encouraging him to focus on finding gaps in the field and hit more line drives”
- Done
”the Phillies transitioned Kingery to” – “Kingery became a” – Also, the Mark DeRosa of the future? (Hey, he’s already hitting about as well as DeRosa did with the Giants!)
- Done
”He has attributed his decreased confidence” – “In 2021, he attributed decreased confidence” – Let’s hope this isn’t something he struggles with his whole career!
- I mean, I did see a headline earlier that amounted to "the Phillies finally admit the Kingery deal was a mistake"
I’d move the last sentence of this section to the Phillies section, making it the second-to-last sentence of the 2020 paragraph.
- Done

Personal life

This section looks good!

Not many changes; excellent job as always! Let me know when you’ve had a chance to look over these, and I’ll give the article another look! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 20:51, 10 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Sanfranciscogiants17 Thanks for taking a look at this! Everything should be addressed! — Ghost River 22:29, 10 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

GhostRiver Excellent work, passing! Nice job once again! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 23:48, 10 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]