Talk:Schwester Selma/GA1
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Reviewer: Cwmhiraeth (talk · contribs) 12:55, 7 July 2015 (UTC)
- I propose to take on this review. The article appears to be both well-written and interesting and I will study it in detail shortly. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 12:55, 7 July 2015 (UTC)
First reading
[edit]- The lead should be a summary of the main body of text and should not need to include references because the information should be referenced at its main appearance.
Done Fixed. Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- Following on from this, Selma's date of birth should be mentioned (and cited) in the "Early life and education" section.
Done Fixed. Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- "Dr. Moshe Wallach, a German-Jewish doctor, came to Palestine in 1890 ..." - "came" is not really a suitable word as its use is normally limited to somewhere that is already being discussed, such as "Hamburg" in this instance.
Done Edited. Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- "Several weeks later, Jerusalem was hit with a year-long ..." - "by" rather than "with".
Done Fixed. Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- "... paraffin lamps were kindled in the operating room." - "kindled" does not sound right here, perhaps "provided light" would be better.
Done Fixed. Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- "She received her first assistant after ten years at the hospital." - What does this mean? She had other nurses working under her before this didn't she?
Done She had nurses and midwives working in the hospital, but they came and went. She did not have a personal assistant, like Dr. Wallach had her. But I removed the sentence to avoid ambiguity. Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- "In the wards, she cultivated a spirit of warm, personalized patient care that became the modus operandi for the hospital to this day." - This sentence has mixed tenses. You could substitute (or add) "and this is still the case" for "to this day".
Done Fixed. Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- "The November 1947 United Nations Partition Plan for Palestine ..." - I am ignorant of the history of Israel; in this paragraph who is besieging what? Was she trying to return to her post at the hospital?
Done Edited. Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- "reminding her students "that there is nothing humiliating in our work"." - It would be better to put the "that" before the quotation marks.
Done Fixed. Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- The paragraphs in the final two sections are rather brief, and could perhaps be amalgamated. For example, "Awards and accolades" has 4 sentences and 3 paragraphs.
Done Fixed. Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- Looking back again at the lead, I see a reference to her being called the "Jewish Florence Nightingale" but that fact is not mentioned in the body of the text.
Done Fixed. Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
- That's all for the moment. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 18:55, 7 July 2015 (UTC)
- Thank you for the thorough review! Yoninah (talk) 19:20, 8 July 2015 (UTC)
GA criteria
[edit]- The article is well written and complies with MOS guidelines on prose and grammar, structure and layout. I am happy with the alterations that have been made.
- The article uses several reliable third-party sources, and makes frequent citations to them. I do not believe it contains original research.
- The article covers the main aspects of the subject and remains focussed.
- The article is neutral.
- The article is stable.
- The images are relevant and have suitable captions, and are all in the public domain.
- Final assessment - I believe this article reaches the GA criteria.
Cwmhiraeth (talk) 12:46, 10 July 2015 (UTC)
- Thank you! Yoninah (talk) 13:27, 10 July 2015 (UTC)