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Talk:Samuel Brannan/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: HaEr48 (talk · contribs) 04:28, 12 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Will look at this. HaEr48 (talk) 04:28, 12 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • Some references appear as short citation (e.g. ref 4), but some others uses {{rp}}, e.g. ref 3. Can you make them consistent?
  • stopping in Indianapolis to work on the Gazette -> There is a lot of so-named newspaper (see The Gazette), can you link or clarify?
  • Infobox only mentions one wife, even though article mentions more
  • "A year later, Brannan went to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles pleading for reinstatement": A short description of the Quorum—maybe in parentheses or em dash—might be helpful.
  • "After the death of Joseph Smith and with rising opposition in the west ...": The sentence is too long, please break up.
  • Also clarify who “the Saints” are. Does it refer to adherents of LDS Church in general, or just specific people considered Saints?
  • "Samuel consulted with natives ...": Is this talking about Brannan? use last name.
  • "in order to help build-up California": “build-up” is a noun not verb?
  • The opening of the store at Sutter’s Fort: The section “California Gold Rush” implies this happened in 1848 or later, while “San Francisco and Sacramento” said it’s in 1847, Which one is correct?
  • Also chronology is confusing since “California Gold Rush” began by talking about events of 1848, then 1849 then the next section has a 1847 event?
  • “Some allege he was shot by Brannan": any info who alleged this? Also, should the sentence be in past tense?
  • In the beginning of Brannan's stay California was part of Mexico, then became part of the US. Maybe mention somewhere when the change happened?
  • Is the date/year when Brannan moved to Mexico known?
  • Is there an explanation why he died in the US while the last years of his life was spent in Mexico?
  • The "Legacy" section lacks references.
  • Why is there still a citation needed template on the third line?
  • "When he could not account for the tithes given him, he was disfellowshipped from the LDS church" appears unreferenced in lead, but the connection between the disfellowshipment and the tithes do not appear in the article body.
  • Okay you removed the link in the lead. But now the "He was disfellowshiped" in the lead sounds quite abrupt. Could you find out (with sources) why he was disfellowshipped, and then add it to both the body and lead?
  • Section on "Southern California" mention events in Mexico rather than California?
  • Could you add more images? For example, pictures of Yerba Buena/San Francisco or Sacramento during the 1840s. There appears to be a picture of his store in Sutter's fort here, his Calistoga resort here and his San Francisco house here.

Interesting article, I learned new things from reading it :) Please address the issue above. Thank you! HaEr48 (talk) 05:43, 12 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Article edited

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Hi HaEr48 I've edited Samuel Brannan's page per your suggestions. I believe the main thing I couldn't find information on was when Brannan moved to Mexico. If there are any other revisions you feel are necessary please let me know. Thank you! Gandhi (BYU) (talk) 20:33, 14 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Brannan hired a ship. Mormons from New York set sail on January 1846 aboard the Brooklyn for upper California via Cape Horn": I assume the ship that Brannan hired was the Brooklyn? Maybe its better to say: "Brannan hired the ship Brooklin. Mormons ... aboard the ship for upper ..."
  • The block quote that starts with "He probably did more..." Please include who said this.
  • " began making their way eastward toward Zion.": Please explain or link what "Zion" means in this context.

Gandhi (BYU): thank you for the update. Please see my new comments above, and also, the original comments that I didn't strike in the previous section. 02:43, 15 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Hi HaEr48 Here are the latest updates to Samuel Brannan's page:

  • added info on disfellowship, turns out he was disfellowed because of his actions in the vigilance committee of San Francisco
  • Hubert Howe Bancroft is cited with his quote on Brannan
  • Chronology fixed, except for years pertaining to the newspaper which makes more sense the way it is.
  • added info on California throughout Travel to California to make sense of Mexico and the United States ownership
  • explained Zion
  • changed use of Saints to Mormons, as this is what the original editor was referring to. Saints is a common term for the Mormons.

I do not have access to info on the date/year Samuel Brannan left for Mexico. If there are any other concerns let me know. Thanks! Gandhi (BYU) (talk) 20:26, 20 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Gandhi (BYU), I'm passing the GA nomination. Note that I hid the names of children, feel free to include them references or when supported by article body. For future improvement, I also recommend expanding the "Legacy" section. SAs a major capitalist and early settler of in SF as well Sacramento area, I'm sure he has much more legacy and not just limited to having things named after him. . HaEr48 (talk) 04:16, 21 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]
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