Talk:Salvatore A. Cotillo/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: EricEnfermero (talk · contribs) 20:07, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I am happy to review this. At first glance, the prose seems enjoyable. More detailed comments to follow. EricEnfermero (Talk) 20:07, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I would remove Naples and New York City from the opening sentence per MOS:BLPLEAD. Done
Italian born - missing hyphen Done
The infobox suggests that he was the first Italian American on the NY Supreme Court, while the lead could be interpreted differently - the first Italian American serving on the NY Supreme Court First District. Done I added that he was nominated in the First District to distinguish the Court from the districts. - DonCalo (talk) 22:54, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Born in Naples in Italy" - would go with "Naples, Italy" or just "Naples" - link Naples since you would take it out of the opening sentence. Done
minor typos - "ad been a caterer" and "pastry an confectionery shop" Done
two mentions of Cotillo's father being a caterer - could do without one of them Done First he was a caterer in Naples and subsequently in New York. I changed it to: "His father took up catering again ..." - DonCalo (talk) 23:01, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"He has been credited to have introduced" - "with introducing" or "with the introduction of" Done
link Manhattan College Done
"His passion was baseball; he was a New York Giants fan and used to clean the seats of the stadium in exchange for free tickets" - portions of this seem closely paraphrased to the Gill source. Done rewritten.
"he graduated in law at the Fordham University" - "completed a law degree from Fordham University" or "finished law school at Fordham University" Done
comma after Giosue Gallucci Done
"According to Cotillo, 'to Gallucci...'" - awkward to describe Cotillo's view of Gallucci's view of people. Consider rewriting - maybe "Cotillo felt that Gallucci looked at others as..." Done rephrased the section - DonCalo (talk) 03:26, 16 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"an political club" - a Done
"Eventually, Cotillo would be elected" - may be awkward to describe 1912 as "eventually" after you have already mentioned 1913. Done deleted Eventually - DonCalo (talk) 23:18, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
unlink second mention of New York State Assembly Done

"sitting in the 140th, 141st (both for the 20th District)" - consider rewriting as "He served the 20th District in the 140th and 141st... and and represented the 18th District in the 142nd..." Done
"and stiffen the Italians to continue..." - do you mean "encourage" the Italians? Done
Grand Officer of the Italian Crown - is this entry the same thing? Consider linking. Done

minor typo: rising rension (tension) Done
I don't understand why he would have to caution Americans that the American way was better. Done changed it to Italian-American countrymen - DonCalo (talk) 23:26, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I don't see where the cited reference supports that he was the first Italian American to serve in the NY Supreme Court First District. Done added reference - DonCalo (talk) 02:59, 16 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
inconsistent spelling of organized versus organisations - the z might be most appropriate for an NYC politician and judge. In an earlier section, there is neighbourhood, a British English spelling, and programmes. Just need to consistently use American or British English. Done American English - DonCalo (talk) 02:52, 16 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Mrs. Helen Paterno" - drop the Mrs. Done
If I have it right, this sounds like Helen married the son of prominent real estate developer Charles V. Paterno - might be worth a one-line mention. Done
"the New York Times" - change to The New York Times Done

Good job on this article! After this feedback is addressed, I will take one final look, but I think this is well on its way to GA status. EricEnfermero (Talk) 21:56, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

Great work on this entry! Strong referencing and interesting reading. Thanks for your prompt responses.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
Nominator adequately addressed feedback on syntax.
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
Source searches indicate that the major aspects are covered.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
Great work! Promoting to GA. EricEnfermero (Talk) 03:35, 16 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]