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Talk:Roxas (Kingdom Hearts)/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer:  fetchcomms☛ 03:42, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'm fairly familiar with the topic, and I'll leave a few comments after I finish reading through the whole article. Good work so far, from just skimming over it.  fetchcomms☛ 03:42, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
As everything looks good, I've passed this article. Great work on everyone's part! • ɔ ʃ → 23:05, 29 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Shouldn't we at least inform this on other wikiprojects?Bread Ninja (talk) 15:41, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
It's a GAR, so there aren't any !votes, although feel free to inform anyone who might be interested int helping out.  fetchcomms☛ 17:14, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Just following up on the GAN. The review started a week and a half ago, and all the points brought up so far have been addressed. Admittedly, my work on the article makes me biased, but if there's nothing else, I think the article is fine to pass. (Guyinblack25 talk 16:32, 27 April 2010 (UTC))[reply]
Yep, I was going to give it a final read-through for any minor issues tonight and pass it. Thanks to everyone who contributed to this article! • ɔ ʃ → 22:20, 27 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
References

If you can, verify all the quotes in the footnotes, and if there are online transcriptions, link to them. Ref 1 "Roxas: Roxas: Another " seems to have an extra "Roxas:" in it. Also, when separating characters with the /, make it consistent--some are X/Y and others X / Y (I like them with an extra space between). Ref 9 "Naminé: So, we can be together again!Square Enix" needs a space before the publisher name. If you can, add quote marks to distinguish from the characters' lines and the beginning of the other ref info. Also, some refs say "Square-Enix" while others have no hyphen--should be consistent. Referencing looks good throughout the article, no unsourced sections present.  fetchcomms☛ 17:36, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Added quote parameters, changed X/Y to X / Y and changed Square-Enix to Square Enix. The only online transcriptions are fansites. Removed the Roxas from Roxas. I hope I didn't forget anyone.Tintor2 (talk) 18:58, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Ref 44, Herold, Charles (March 30, 2006). "Some Sequels Really Are Worth the Wait". The New York Times. Retrieved March 10, 2010. needs the newspaper name italicized. • ɔ ʃ → 19:38, 25 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done.Tintor2 (talk) 21:12, 25 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Images

Can you reduce the infobox image to about 500px or lower the dpi?  fetchcomms☛ 17:36, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Reuploaded in a smaller resolution.Tintor2 (talk) 18:58, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

If you want to add in a piece of concept art for the development section or one of him fighting in the game, etc. or just leave this one that's fine with me either way.  fetchcomms☛ 20:55, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I could not find any concept art. Maybe an image from his boss fight will serve as it is explained why it wasn't interactive in the KHII.Tintor2 (talk) 00:17, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Added image.Tintor2 (talk) 00:28, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Even though this is not FAC, do you mind adding alt text to that one image, as the other one already has it.  fetchcomms☛ 01:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Alt text added. (Guyinblack25 talk 23:01, 26 April 2010 (UTC))[reply]
Prose

A bit of overlinking, some of the game names are linked 3-4 times throughout and a few other links as well. Will go over each section in detail soon.  fetchcomms☛ 20:55, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'm not very associated with overlinkings, but I was told that at least every level two headers needs a link. How many times can an article be linked in an article. I think that the most repeated links in the article are Kingdom Hearts II, Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days and probably Sora.Tintor2 (talk) 00:17, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days is linked 4 times, so the last 2 or 3 don't need to be linked again. Same goes for the others. As this is a relatively short article and the links are mentioned a lot, there just doesn't need to be too many duplicates.  fetchcomms☛ 01:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:06, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Roxas bore the title Key of Destiny"--put quotation marks around Key of Destiny
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "video game Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days which revolves"--needs comma after "Days"
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The character's voice actors are Kōki Uchiyama and Jesse McCartney in Japanese and English respectively."--maybe clarify that this is the Japanese/English versions, as it might be interpreted as he is a Japanese voice in the English version
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Since his introduction in Kingdom Hearts II, Roxas has received"--clarify, as it says he was first introduced at the end of KH:COM.
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Speaking of that, "Roxas first appeared in "Another Side, Another Story", a bonus trailer found in Kingdom Hearts, as well as in the ending of Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories." seems to half-contradict that, as it implies that he was first seen in the original KH, and also COM--maybe add that to the mention in the lede?
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Roxas begins to see memories of the series protagonist's, Sora, adventures in dreams"--grammatically incorrect; change to "Roxas begins to see memories of Sora's adventures in dreams".  fetchcomms☛ 02:07, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Done.Tintor2 (talk) 02:36, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and implanted false ones to make Roxas unaware of his past to make him merge with Sora"--there are 2 "to"s in a row, change to "and implanted false ones to make Roxas unaware of his past so he would merge with Sora"
    • Also, what do you mean by "merge with Sora"?
That's what happens. He just merges within Sora.Tintor2 (talk) 18:17, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Sora later learns that Roxas is his Nobody, a being created when Sora briefly lost his heart during the first game"--this is the exact same thing as said in the lede, no need to explain what the nobody is twice.
  • "Xenmas brought Roxas to Organization XIII as he could wield the Keyblade, weapon which would help them to capture hearts."--should be "Xemnas", and also fix the link, and should be "Keyblade, a weapon"
  • "the staff worked hard"--which staff, exactly, Square Enix's? Maybe change to "Nomura's team" if that's accurate
  • "Additional scenes regarding Roxas' past were added to the title"--it's certainly not the title of the game--does this mean it's cover art, or a title scene within the game, or what?
Uncapitalized.Tintor2 (talk) 18:17, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Sora later learns that Roxas is his Nobody, during the first game."--he learns that Roxas is his nobody in KH1? I thought Roxas wasn't even a real character until KH2.Tintor2 (talk) 01:12, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. It mentions that Roxas was created when Sora stabbed himself in the first game.Tintor2 (talk) 01:12, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Check the verb tenses in the Appearances section--starts out in past ("Roxas first made a cameo") but also uses present ("A virtual representation of Roxas also appears") in the same sort of circumstances.  fetchcomms☛ 23:55, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed.Tintor2 (talk) 01:12, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "to add feelings to the game in a short time frame. "--needs clarification about what the feeling means (emotion? etc.)
  • "the staff decided to increased it"--grammatically incorrect in the sentence.
  • "Organization was meant to be secret"--secret during game development, or secretive within the game?
  • "Nomura told the scenario writers that he wanted Roxas to learn something from each one of his missions or just to have something to think for a long time"--can be changed for better flow; to "Nomura told the writers that he wanted Roxas to learn something from each of his missions or just to have something to think about"
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