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Talk:Rose Colored Glasses (Kelly Rowland song)/GA1

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Reviewer: Adabow (talk · contribs) 08:43, 23 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The main issue here is prose quality; at the moment it fails criterion 1a. I have pointed out some examples but the whole article needs a decent copy-edit. On hold Adabow (talk · contribs) 09:23, 23 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

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Background

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  • "revealed that "Commander" would only serve as the international lead single" - rather than?
  • "Grown Woman" was serviced to Rhythmic radio on June 29, 2010. Meanwhile "Rose Colored Glasses" serves as the pop single and was serviced to Mainstream/Top 40 radio and for digital download in the United States and Canada on June 29, 2010 whilst the single cover was released on June 17, 2010 via Rowland's official website. - the first sentence is short, while the second sentence is quite long. How about "Grown Woman" was serviced to Rhythmic radio on June 29, 2010, while "Rose Colored Glasses" serves as the pop single. It was serviced to Mainstream/Top 40 radio and for digital download in the United States and Canada on June 29, 2010 whilst the single cover was released on June 17, 2010 via Rowland's official website.
  • Link True/Slant, and you don't need inverted commas around it
  • "Jeremy Helligar of 'True/Slant' said that Rowland had one a smart thing because her chance of success with "her edgier preference of dance music is very different to the dance-pop that Lady Gaga often takes to the top of the charts" in the United States." - I am very confused by this sentence, and it is also grammatically incorrect. Please rewrite it. Does it even relate to the background of the song?

Lyrics and composition

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  • The title of the audio file is 'Kelly Rowland "Rose Colored Glasses" (2010)' - "Rose Colored Glasses" will suffice
  • Caption of audio - do not finish with a full stop as it is not a full sentence. We already know who the song is by, so this probably doesn't need to be included

Critical reception

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  • TeenToday doesn't need inverted commas
  • The song has so far received positive praise. - so far? You need to watch this. Is the song still attracting attention from critics?
  • Unitalicise Idolator as it is not in print
  • "although he...but said that" - remove 'although' or 'but'
  • This section needs a good copy-edit, especially for use of commas

Release and chart performance

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Music video

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I will shrink the size but would argue that the because the video has no fixed concept, its just a series of atmospheric shots and 3D camera angles I would argue that the images are required to illustrate the music video. A source doesn't need to be specified because they are screen caps of a music video but to appease any concerns I will add the official youtube video link. -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 | talk2me 14:46, 26 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Behind the scenes footage on Rap-Up TV, revealed that the video focusses on the theme of the song - the pain of leaving a relationship." - no comma after TV, and the dash breaks up the sentence awkwardly and doesn't give an encyclopaedic tone
  • "As the vocals kick in" - too colloquial
  • "The first scene of the video features Rowland and her man (played by Alvino Lewis), arguing" - "her man" is colloquial, and use either brackets or commas (I think commas are better). You also need to reference Lewis' role
  • "she appears with against a dark backdrop" - "with" is not needed
  • The whole article needs a thorough copy-edit. I will stop reviewing the prose now, and review it after you copy-edit. I'll focus on other criteria only now.

Charts

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  • Charts should be left-aligned
resolved -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 | talk2me 14:43, 26 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Radio and release information

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  • What on Earth is "P/R Crossover"?
resolved: pop/rhythm crossover a.k.a. Rhythmic radio -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 | talk2me 14:43, 26 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Row headers should not be bolded
Actually per WP:ACCESS they should be but i've switched to {| class="wikitable plainrowheaders" -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 | talk2me 14:43, 26 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Table captions should be more direct, such as "Radio add dates" and "Release dates"
Fixed -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 | talk2me 14:43, 26 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

References

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  • Make sure that only works in print (ie magazines and newspapers) are in italics
  • ref 16 (BMI) needs formatting

Follow-up

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I am still concerned about the prose quality; here are a few instances:

  • "Initially, the David Guetta-produced dance song "Commander" was revealed to be the album's lead single on March 29, at the 2010 Winter Music Conference.[1] However, an official press release from Universal Motown Records revealed that "Commander" would not serve as the album's lead single in the United States.[2] It was then confirmed that another single, "Shake Them Haters Off", penned by Ne-Yo,[3] would be released exclusively to the United States.[4] However, plans were changed for a third time" - changed once (to "STHO"), then again (to "RCG")
  • "meanwhile the lyrics "explores the subtle ways" - meanwhile the song/lyrical content explores
  • "Robbie Daw of Idolator" - Idolator is a website; no italics
  • "Lizzie Goodwin of 'Gather.com' agreed that the song though different to her previous singles, stands on its own as a catchy tune." → Lizzie Goodwin of Gather.com agreed that the song, though different to her previous singles, stands on its own as a catchy tune.
  • Do you really need Goodwin's last comment there (about ladies' iTunes libraries)?
  • 'Sound-Savvy' doesn't need inverted commas
  • The same goes for 'True/Slant', 'HitFix' and the others
  • You mention "Jeremy Helligar of True/Slant" twice. Place the quotes next to each other
  • "Rowland had done a smart thing by not released "Commander" in the US" - not releasing
  • "felt it strange that the image "didn't have color or glasses"[23] whereas Rap-Up magazine thought the opposite saying that" - commas after 'glasses' and 'opposite'
  • "In the week ending September 11, 2010, "Rose Colored Glasses" was played 585 times across thirty-four stations according to Media Base. However none of those stations officially added the song to their playlists." - merge
  • "It performed better in Slovakia where it peaked at number thirty-five on the airplay charts." - comma after Slovakia. Is there more than one airplay chart?
  • "Behind the scenes footage on Rap-Up TV, revealed that the video focusses on the theme of the song - the pain of leaving a relationship." - no comma after TV, hyphen should be an en dash
  • "however it was uploaded to her Vevo account" - her → Rowland's
  • "As the vocals kick in" - colloquial
  • Can you remove Lewis from brackets for better readability?
  • "Then during the song's build-up" - don't start a sentence with 'then'. What is a song's "build-up"?
  • "she appears with against a dark backdrop" - remove 'with'
  • "her hair tighed in a tight bun" - never heard that word before...
  • "you once again see" - we are writing an encyclopaedia
  • "The music video summary is incredibly long – can you trim it a bit?
  • " Billboard commented on the last scenes "in the end, Rowland..." incorporate this quote more smoothly
  • "They focussed on the choice of visuals" - one reviewer is not 'they'
  • Goodwin's quote doesn't really have a great tone; can you summarise it yourself?
  • "Could you just use the last comment from Daw?
  • "Mariel Concepcion of Billboard was also positive of the video saying that" - comma after 'video'
I'm sorry, Lil-Unique, there's still a way to go. Adabow (talk · contribs) 00:32, 7 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
OK, nice work. I'm passing it now. Adabow (talk · contribs) 03:29, 14 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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