Talk:Rose C. Davison/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made in a new section.

GA Review

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Reviewer: Iazyges (talk · contribs) 02:53, 24 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Will start soon. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 02:53, 24 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Criteria

GA Criteria

GA Criteria:

1
1.a

1.b
2
2.a

2.b

2.c

2.d
3
3.a

3.b
4
4.a
5
5.a
6
6.a

6.b

No DAB links
No dead links
No missing citations

Prose Suggestions

Please note that all of these are suggestions, and can be implemented or ignored at your discretion.

Comment

Iazyges Are you going to do this GA review or not as this hasn't been touched since the start. Not Homura (talk) 00:30, 22 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Matt294069: I'm planning to; I've been busy recently and I'll get around to it as soon as I can. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 16:36, 22 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Pinging KAVEBEAR (nominator) and others, Matt294069 and Iazyges. I will take over the review. Stay put. MX (✉ • ✎) 18:35, 14 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Review

The article meets all GA criterias. Below are a few suggestions / issues needed to be addressed before passing the article. Great job! MX (✉ • ✎) 23:46, 14 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Lead paragraph

Rosalie Compton Kahipuleokalaniahumanu Davison, known as Rose C. Davison, – This is found here and in the infobox, but not cited anywhere. Anything in the lead/infobox needed to be mentioned and cited elsewhere in the body paragraphs, per WP:LEADCITE and WP:INFOBOXCITE. I would recommend adding the full name somewhere in the first paragraph of the Life and education section, and then introduce the fact that she went as Rose C. Davison.

Done.KAVEBEAR (talk) 16:18, 20 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

was a part Native Hawaiian – Does the "part Native Hawaiian" claim come from the fact that her father was American and her mother was British-Hawaiian? If she was born in the Kingdom of Hawaii, she shouldn't be called part Native Hawaiian. She's full Hawaiian. Maybe I have it wrong, though, so please correct me. There is no mention of this in the body paragraphs (aside from her advisors being "part-Hawaiian", but that doesn't mean she was one, too).

Native Hawaiian and being born in Hawaii are not the same. Her mother was ethnically part Native Hawaiian so she was part Native Hawaiian. KAVEBEAR (talk) 23:58, 14 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Life and education

Life and education – This is a comment in regards to the name of the section. First, this is a biography, so we know this is article is about her "life". "Life" doesn't tell us much. You might want to break down this section into multiple sections, like "Early life and education" and "Career", etc.

Done.KAVEBEAR (talk) 16:15, 20 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Emma Ahuena, – Why is the name shortened here but not in the infobox?

Taylor was her married name. All her sisters married name are not included in this paragraph.KAVEBEAR (talk) 00:01, 15 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

She was initially educated at St. Andrew's Priory School and Fort Street School ... During the 1900 United States Census, she assisted Atkinson who was serving as census superintendent.[3][4][5] – More of a strong suggestion here, but I don't think it is very useful to have three citations at the end of a large paragraph when we can probably spread them out appropriately. It is hard for readers to know which of the three sources backs up each sentence. Per WP:PAIC, "The ref tags should immediately follow the text to which the footnote applies".

All the sources listed are summaries of her life.KAVEBEAR (talk) 16:15, 20 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

in contrast to the hula dancing troupes – link hula

Done.KAVEBEAR (talk) 16:15, 20 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

appointment in 1907 (or 1909) as humane officer – What's the discrepancy with the dates? Have you considered adding a footnote to explain why it is either 1907 or 1909, or what sources use the different dates?

Found this source you might find useful. She was a descendent of Liloa.

Already in existing sources. Didn’t want to go too in depth about distant genealogy.KAVEBEAR (talk) 16:15, 20 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Illness and death

due to her illness – Died so young... any sources mention what caused her death?