Talk:Romania in the Eurovision Song Contest 2005/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Kingsif (talk · contribs) 02:51, 22 September 2019 (UTC)

Hi, I'll review this one, too - comments here soon Kingsif (talk) 02:51, 22 September 2019 (UTC)

Style

• Lead just about right length (edging on too long) for article
• The "written and produced by Cristian Faur" probably doesn't need to be in lead, especially with how hard to read it makes the sentence. Perhaps another section about the song if there's enough info on it, otherwise they can be slotted into the selection section.

 Done Inserted a note under the table.

• The fragment "accused the Romanian Television (TVR), the organizing broadcaster, of conspiracy." isn't a very English formation. Could we be more accurate on conspiracy of what? I also think it could be reworded as "... accused the organising broadcaster, Romanian Television (TVR), of conspiring to..."

 Done Is the sentence good now?

• At the bottom of the lead, what are the "proposals" given to Anghel? Maybe, proposals to perform (hopefully)?

 Done Record deal ones. I changed it.

• The sentence "For the final, the public's televoting contributed with a 25% rate and a jury panel with a 75% rate to the overall result." needs rewriting, maybe: 'In the final, the televoting and jury scores were combined, with the televoting having a 25% weighting of the overall result.'

 Done

• "The rest of the scoreboard was as follows:" can just be "The full results were:"

 Done

• Writing alright, it makes sense in English, but could be improved to sound more natural.
• Change "myocardial infarction" to 'heart attack', i.e. the normal name in English. (Also, it should be 'of a heart attack')

 Done

• Since there was only one Controversy, the section header probably doesn't need to be plural. Maybe even call it 'Loredana Controversy'

I think we can also call the drummer dying a controversy – kind of. I think "Controversies" fits here.

• Again with "conspiracy" - this is general term that more or less means 'thinking about doing something bad'; what did she say they were conspiring to do? Vote rigging perhaps? Also needs some explanation of what the continuously busy phone line has to do with anything.

I changed to vote rigging, since it's the case here, both in here and in the lead. Each participant has a "voting line" televoters can call to to vote for them. Loredana's voting line was allegedly busy, meaning people weren't able to vote for her – even if they tried. I think you may have a better forumlation here.

• Promotion section could be reworked to be less of a list (it's currently "they did X Y Z A, and then B C D" without any other detail; there are at least better ways to phrase all this)

There's only one source to this, and it doesn't give any other details that could be included. Can you give a suggestion here too?

It looks good now :) Kingsif (talk) 15:45, 29 September 2019 (UTC)

• Other areas need rewriting; I've done a short sentence as an example. As is, the style isn't strong and the English is mostly technically correct but unnatural.
• The sentence "On the first occasion, Anghel and Sistem performed 14th, preceded by Norway and followed by Hungary, while they sang fourth in the Grand Final, preceded by Malta and followed by Norway." needs this clarification; i.e. change "On the first occasion" to 'In the semi-final' and split into two sentences; e.g. 'In the semi-final, Anghel and Sistem performed 14th, preceded by Norway and followed by Hungary. In the Grand Final they performed fourth, this time preceded by Malta and followed by Norway.'

 Done

• Don't need to say "The artists' show"; just "The show" is better.

 Done

• What does "the group's activities" mean? Who is this never-mentioned group? What is 'activities' referring to? 'Activities' is such a general term it can literally mean anything.

The group (aka Sistem) are "wildly" drumming on oil barrels, this is their activity, but I removed it.

@Cartoon network freak: Ah, thanks. Though maybe it could be mentioned that Sistem is a group (in the lead?) - I thought it was a person. Kingsif (talk) 15:45, 29 September 2019 (UTC)

• Needs work

Coverage

• If there's enough info, it could benefit from a section on the song, but if not then what's here is comprehensive of the subject

 Not done This is superfluous. "Let Me Try" is a good article itself, and people can go there to read more about the song in particular.

Yes, this will pass without, but maybe a short overview with a main template link? Just to consider :) Kingsif (talk) 15:47, 29 September 2019 (UTC)

• Pass (but question)

Illustration

• Good use of tables
• Photo alright
• Pass

Neutrality

• Looks good

Stability

• History good (one edit scuffle a few months ago, simply resolved with both editors now working productively on it)
• Pass

Verifiability

• Sources look good
• Everything cited inline
• Pass

Copyright

• Looks good
• Commons image
• Pass

Overall

• on hold Needs some work on writing quality. Kingsif (talk) 17:00, 28 September 2019 (UTC)

@Kingsif: Thank you very much for your review, I responded to your comments. I wrongly pinged you in "I Think I Love It", so I'm sorry oof :) Greets; Cartoon network freak (talk) 11:34, 29 September 2019 (UTC)

@Cartoon network freak: I've suggested maybe mentioning that Sistem is a group, and I still think it could benefit from a short section on the song, but this now passes :) Kingsif (talk) 15:53, 29 September 2019 (UTC)