Talk:Rhea Seddon/GA1

GA Review[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 17:51, 15 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hello! I'll be reviewing this article to help reduce the good article nomination backlog and to gain points in the WP:WIKICUP. Although quid pro quo is not required, if you fancy returning the favor, I have a list of articles in need of review here. — Ghost River 17:51, 15 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lede[edit]

Early life and education[edit]

"née Dann" should be in parentheses
? Why? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Unless her younger sister is dead, I don't think that should be in the past tense; if there's a year of birth, then could be phrased as "Her younger sister Louise was born TKTK"
The whole article is in the past tense. She was born in 1950, but I've omitted dates of birth for non-notable relatives. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Seddon gives not just the dates, but the actual times of birth as well. I tried this with my mother, and asked for the times of birth of myself and my sibling and she knew! Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:02, 12 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"Science was not taught by the nuns at St Rose until the Sputnik crisis made teaching science a national priority" → "The nuns at St Rose did not teach science until the Sputnik crisis made scientific education a national priority."
Y Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"and science became one of Seddon's subjects in the seventh grade" → "and Seddon began studying the subject in the seventh grade."
Y Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
No comma needed after "Seddon worked in her office one summer"
Y Deleted.
"Another friend of the family, Florence Ridley, a professor" → "Florence Ridley, another fiend of the family and a professor"
That won't work. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Why not? — Ghost River 21:08, 3 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Creates one of those annoying ambiguities: implies that both were professors as well as friends of the family. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:00, 12 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"where she joined the Sigma Kappa sorority"
Y added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"summer after her freshman year"
Y added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"and decided" → "where she decided"
Y added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"bachelor of arts" → "Bachelor of Arts"
Y This is not in the MOS. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
It's consistent with our article on the subject and with pretty much every piece of writing that lists someone's degrees. — Ghost River 21:08, 3 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Capitalised. Left a note on the MOS talk page. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:00, 12 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"entered it" → "matriculated"
Y Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"doctor of medicine" → "Doctor of Medicine"
Y Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"surgery doctor" or "surgeon"?
Retained as it is, per Seddon. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"three years of residency"
Y Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"where she was the only woman"
Y Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
How did she serve in the ER if this wasn't allowed by the residency?
They are always short staffed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:25, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

NASA[edit]

I don't love this section just being called "NASA", can it be expanded to "NASA career"?
Y Changed as suggested.

Selection[edit]

"(NASA) ~~NASA~~"
Y Deleted. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"For the first time, women were encouraged to apply." → "It was the first time that women were encouraged to apply."
? Why? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Better flow. — Ghost River 21:08, 3 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Y Very well. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 23:57, 26 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
It would make more sense for the inches to be rendered in centimeters than millimeters

Y It should have been the default. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
And to the point, something like "she was two inches above the 60-inch minimum" flows better and is easier to understand
Y Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
No comma after "She flew down to Houston International Airport"
Y Deleted. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"in nutrition in surgery patients" → "in the nutrition of surgery patients"
Y Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"had been selected by NASA."
Y Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Training[edit]

"until they finished their training and evaluation"
Y Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
No comma after "trouble climbing into the aircraft"
Y Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I think "and with ill-fitting parachutes" → "and with wearing parachutes"; we already know the fit will be poor because her size has been mentioned
No, because she could still wear a parachute harness that didn't fit properly. It is just that she might have fallen out when the parachute opened. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
No comma after "but Seddon was never considered for this"
Y Deleted. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
First sentence of the second paragraph (about the town house) is very long and could probably be split in two
Y Split sentence. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Comma after "As with earlier astronaut groups"
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"to specialise in" → "in which they specialised"
Don't like that form. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Well, you can't end a sentence with a preposition. — Ghost River 21:08, 3 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Y Sure you can. See WP:Lies Miss Snodgrass told you. Re-worded anyway. Hawkeye7 (discuss)
the he first ?
Y deleted stray word. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
The long parenthetical in the third paragraph might be better served as a footnote
Y Removed parentheses. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"got to choose" → "was allowed to choose"
Y Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Commas instead of parentheses around "who retained her maiden name"
Parentheses are better than parenthetical commas. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Split sentence after "preparation for the upcoming STS-2 mission"
Y Split sentence. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"Seddon soon fell pregnant, and their first child, a boy they named Paul Seddon Gibson after Gibson's father, was born in July 1982." → "Seddon's first child was born in July 1982. He was named Paul Seddon Gibson after his paternal grandfather."
Y Don't see the benefit but changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
(Gibson already had one child, a daughter called Julie, from his first marriage.) Trivia
We keep track of the family members. It is important to note the number of children that she was caring for. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
for treatment. He soon responded to treatment Repetitive phrasing
Y reworded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:56, 16 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Space flights[edit]

No comma after the crew were kept together
Y Deleted. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
to operate a bone saw to help fix repetitive preposition
Y Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Second O in Oval Office should be capitalized per our article on it
Y Capitalised. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Saying the family was represented by Gibson feels very patriarchal.
The anecdote about Mike Smith's flight suit reads as trivia.
Adds a personal connection to the disaster. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"While she waited for her Spacelab Life Sciences mission to be scheduled"
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"another child, and that the SLS-1 mission" is technically grammatically correct if you're saying "she was hoping that the SLS-1 mission", but that doesn't feel like what you're trying to say
Y Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
It was regarded as a plum job, and a good way to see how the directorate was managed. MOS:WEASEL
Y Deleted. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Still don't like the parentheses
Y Replaced. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Missing comma in "June 5, 1991"
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

All points addressed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Later life[edit]

Fine

Awards and honors[edit]

Fine

References[edit]

Fine

General comments[edit]

@GhostRiver: Any progress on this? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 18:38, 1 April 2022 (UTC) @GhostRiver: Can we close this now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:10, 3 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hawkeye7 I have been in a depressive episode caused by my bipolar disorder. I have left more comments. — Ghost River 21:08, 3 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Glad you are feeling better. I saw that you were active, and thought that you had forgotten this review. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:18, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@GhostRiver: I think all issues have been addressed now. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:00, 12 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@GhostRiver: Can we close this now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 23:57, 26 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@GhostRiver: Can we close this now? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:39, 3 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.