Talk:Rachel Barrett/GA1
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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 03:47, 1 April 2016 (UTC)
- No DABs, external links OK. More in a bit.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 03:47, 1 April 2016 (UTC)
- Images appropriately licensed.
- Rachel Barrett, (12 November 1874 – 26 August 1953), No commas here, the parentheses render them redundant.
- Done.
- Ummm, missed one.
- So I did. Addressed.
- Ummm, missed one.
- Done.
- Link Wales, Aberystwyth College, Paris, Carmarthenshire, Stroud, external BSc degree, headmistress, DSc, Nottingham, Bradford, Bristol, Home Secretary, nursing home, Edinburgh, Scotland, bedsit, London, First World War, cerebral hemorraghe and all the other geographicxt| locations
- Done (I think)
- Who is Mrs. Martel? Link on first mention.
- Done
- Add (WSPU) immediately after the full term so people will readily know what it stands for.
- Done.
- paper The Suffragette you mean a newspaper, right? If so, say so and link it.
- Done and done.
- Australians might have a different idea than you of what months are in the autumn, so it's better to use a term like "late" or the actual months involved if you can. This happens a couple of times, so watch for them.
- The refrence I took from used seasons quite a bit so I followed them. I have changed the seasons to other terms.
- her book The Well of Loneliness put a comma after "book".
- Done.
- Barrett never completed her course at the LSE as after campaigning over the Christmas period for the WSPU at the Ashburton by-election, 1908, Punctuate this to set off the subordinate clause in the middle and a bit of rephrasing might be in order.
- I have rejigged this entire section. It will need to be revisited to make sure it's OK.
- It is OK.
- I have rejigged this entire section. It will need to be revisited to make sure it's OK.
- WPSU periodical mouthpiece awkward
- Simplified to 'newspaper'. Done.
- Capitalize Home Secretary
- Done.
- If this is proper BritEng, then ignore this, but Barrett was imprisoned to a nine month sentence this reads very oddly to an American.
- Change to "Barrett was sentenced to nine months' imprisonment". Better
- That's fine.
- Change to "Barrett was sentenced to nine months' imprisonment". Better
- Barrett continued to edit The Suffragette but after the paper's offices were raided in May 1914 she travelled to Paris Another subordinate clause in the middle here.
- I believe this has been fixed.
- I believe this has been fixed.
- The result of the Paris trip was the relocation of "The Suffragette" to Edinburgh where the printers were at less risk of arrest. Barrett moved to Edinburgh and assumed the pseudo name 'Miss Ashworth'. combine and shorten these two sentences.
- I'm struggling to combine thee two sentences. I have moved some of the second sentence into the first and simplified the second. Result: Less Edinburgh. Is this better or more of the same
- Not quite there, I think. This would be my suggestion: She returned in secret to London, where she lived in a bedsit at Lincoln's Inn House.[9] Barrett continued to edit The Suffragette, but she travelled to Paris to discuss the future of the newspaper with Christabel Pankhurst after its offices were raided in May 1914. You are certainly not required to use this wording, but I think that it covers all the essentials and reads pretty well.
- I tried something else first and was not happy with my results so I've adopted your idea.
- Not quite there, I think. This would be my suggestion: She returned in secret to London, where she lived in a bedsit at Lincoln's Inn House.[9] Barrett continued to edit The Suffragette, but she travelled to Paris to discuss the future of the newspaper with Christabel Pankhurst after its offices were raided in May 1914. You are certainly not required to use this wording, but I think that it covers all the essentials and reads pretty well.
- I'm struggling to combine thee two sentences. I have moved some of the second sentence into the first and simplified the second. Result: Less Edinburgh. Is this better or more of the same
- pseudo name > pseudonym
- Done (ouch)
- When full voting rights were won when?
- Done.
- all political spheres.]]. stray markup.
- I think this was fixed by Hamm II before I got here. Done.
- I. A. R. Wylie, who has contributed to the paper fix the tense here
- Removed has, superfluous.
- They spent time in New York, San Francisco and by 1920 the census awkward
- More factual as: 'They stayed in New York and San Francisco and were recorded in the 1920 census as living in Carmel-By-The-Sea in California' Thoughts
- It's good.
- More factual as: 'They stayed in New York and San Francisco and were recorded in the 1920 census as living in Carmel-By-The-Sea in California' Thoughts
- close friend Radclyffe Hall during commas after friend and Hall
- Done.
- in the late 1940s but it was turned down for publishing comma after 1940s and publication.
- Done and done.
- Still a couple of points to be addressed, but we're on the downhill slope.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 19:25, 1 April 2016 (UTC)
- I'm hoping that's all the point point's addressed. FruitMonkey (talk) 21:06, 1 April 2016 (UTC)
- I agree.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 22:06, 1 April 2016 (UTC)
- I'm hoping that's all the point point's addressed. FruitMonkey (talk) 21:06, 1 April 2016 (UTC)
- Still a couple of points to be addressed, but we're on the downhill slope.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 19:25, 1 April 2016 (UTC)
- Done and done.