Talk:Puri/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 12:03, 31 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

It feels great to see the article about a famed holy city of my native state Odisha in the GAN page! I am eager to review this. But there are a large number of issues, and a massive copyedit is required. This is a very long list of all the errors I found. Go through these carefully:

Lead

I think you could merge the first two sentences like : Puri is a city and a Municipality in the state of Odisha in eastern India. The part about district headquarters can be a separate line.
- Dene
Why Indian Hindus? All Hindus need not be Indian. This may even be a disputed claim.
- Agreed. Changed now

and locally called as Badadeula --> and was locally called...
- Yes
Link Muslim
- Linked
starting from the 4th century to the start of the 19th century Better write from the 4th century AD till the early 19th century.
- Done
Even though princely states do not exist in independent India... Even after independence some princely or at least unconquered states did exist. I know you mean the present time, so reword it like Even though princely states do not exist in India today... Also link princely states.
- Changed
Write maths like : "math"s Unless you mean mathematics!
- Linked
For the sake of style write 80% as 80 percent.
- Followed
The festivals which contribute to the economy are the 24 held every year in the temple complex, including 13 major festivals better write The 24 festivals, including 13 major ones, held every year in the temple complex contribute to the economy.
- Done
Link heritage cities, Government of India
- Linked

Geography and climate

Try to link everything when they are first mentioned. Link Bay of Bengal, Mauza Sipaurubilla, Mauz Gopinathpur, Mauza Balukhand
- Linked wherever wikipedia artciles are available
Mauz or Mauza? Also, south east is one word - southeast.
- Corrected
Mahanadi River, Chilika Lake are duplicate links (duplinks) which must be removed except for the first mention.
- Duplicate links removed
Link delta, lagoons, estuary, Grand Road, tropical climate
- Done
What is "Ashokan Tosali"? Another name? Add "Also known as" if yes.
- Corrected
In the ancient days it was near to Sisupalgarh... and formed many sand hills Very long sentence hard to understand, break it down.
- Chnaged
Why is "cut through" in inverted commas? I don't think they are needed here.
- Removed
Which river estuary?
- Clarified
Which 15th-century chronicle? Which 16th-century chronicle?
- Name of the poet and the chronicle mentioned.
According to the Köppen and Geiger the climate You mean "the Köppen–Geiger climate classification system"?
- Changed
given in the table The "following" table or the table "below".
- Corrected

History

popularly as Badadeula in local usage Better write "also known by the popular vernacular name"
- Yes, done
Creator deity of the world – Supreme Divinity deified on altar A "-" needed between Divinity and deified.
- Corrected
and the Purusha became Jagannatha "came to be known as" Jagannatha sounds better.
- Corrected
Puri is however, a common usage now You should write "Puri" is, however, the name in common usage nowadays."
- Done
vedic --> Vedic.
- Done
. It is also known the geographical features Known "by" the.
- Added
What do you mean by siting?
- Chnaged to location
Give the identity of Cunningham. You can not just name him/her. Same for Murari Mishra, Wilkinson
- Done. The entire para is from Wilkinson quoted in the book at page 211. There are no wikilinks to Murari Mishra, Wilkinson
Link Ganga dynasty, at first mention
- Done
... traveller Hiuen Tsang.When... Space.
- Spaced
It was only after twelfth century You say it in numbers (12th) in some places and in words in some places. Be consistent.
- Done at all places
Link British rule. It is being mentioned first in the main text.
- Done
... and Shakti abodes with Krishna... Comma between Shakti and abodes.
- Done
No link for Sati?
- Linked
In 318? AD or BC?
- AD mentioned
Link Rashtrakuta.
- Done
It is also said that some relics of Buddha... This is vague. Who says this? What is the source? Same for It is also said that Lohabahu deposited ...
- Wilkinson has been quoted in the book by Sadasivan. I have mentioned it now
Duplinks: Brahma Purana, Skanda Purana
- Corrected
The temple's ancient historical records also finds mention in the Brahma Purana and Skanda Purana as having been built by the king Indradyumna of Ujjayani I think this statement does not make much sense. The "ancient historical records" is causing trouble I think.
- Corrected
It is also said that Lohabahu deposited That "the" Lohabahu
- Done
towards the later part of the 12th century Latter
- Corrected
Please write 1136 AD
- Corrected
Link Khurda
- Linked
Even though princely states do not exist in independent India See my earlier comments.
- Corrected
Link Rathyatra
- Linked
History of the temple is the history of the town of Puri, reword : "The history of Puri (Puri should NOT be called a town, it is only a city or Municipality) is on the same lines as that of the Jagannath Temple."
- Done
Consistency. AD 798–814 ---> 798-814 AD
- Corrected
In between, from the 1205 onward the 1205?
- Corrected
by Muslims of the Afghans and Moghuls descent Do think of the grammar.
- Changed
The table lists all the 18 invasions The table below.
- Corrected
You have not yet said anything about the 3 images of the temple. Add a line about it before the table.
- Added
810 AD or BC?
- Corrected
You spell it Dwaraka then Dwarka? Anyway the second Dwarka is a duplink
- Corrected
Penance need not be linked
- Delinked
Bhakti movements of India in the sixteenth century, somewhere you write century in words somewhere it is in numbers. Be consistent. Also specify AD/BC
- Corrected
he is said to have merged his "corporal self" with the deity Vague.
- Made it specific by removing"corporal self"
...the landmark was the temple located in a plaza in the centre of the town which they called the "White Pagoda" reword this as "the temple, being located in a plaza in the centre of the city (NOT town) ..."
- Corrected
(Monasteries of the various Hindu sects). Why capitalize m in monasteries?
- Changed
unearthded from a closed room spelling
- Corrected
Suryavamsi Gajapati. Who was he? King?
- Linked
Sri Yukteswar an exponent of Kriya Yoga Where is the comma? Link Kriya Yoga
- Added
Link ashram
- Done
in the sea-side town of Puri Are you introducing Puri for the first time? It is not a town once again.
- Modified
as a spiritual training center Why is this in the last part of the line? It should come just after "ashram"
- Corrected
they initially placed an official appointed an official.
- Corrected
The city is the site of the former summer residence of British Raj built in 1913–14 during the era of governors, the Raj Bhavan. Must be reworded The city is the site of the former summer residence of British Raj, the Raj Bhavan, built in 1913–14 during the era of governors. British Raj should be linked earlier not here
- Done
For the people of Puri Lord Jagannath Comma?
- Yes, done
They believe that the Jagannatha looks after the welfare of the state "The" Jagannatha?
- Done
after the incident of the partial collapse "The incident of" is redundant
- Corrected
welfare of the State of Odisha Simply say "of Odisha"
- Done
weight (seven tons) Convert template?
... after the gods had woken up after a good nights sleep ... Looks so un-encyclopedic!
- Sentence modified
It is one of 12 the heritage cities chosen with Grammar!
- Corrected
implemented in 27 months within, not in
- Done
by end the?
- Done

Demographics

As of 2001 India census, Reword!
- Done
Puri city, an urban Agglomeration governed by Municipal Corporation in Orissa state So many punctuation and grammar and wording errors.
- Corrected
This section is poorly written.
- Copy edited

Economy

80%---> 80 percent
- Done
provides major employment "major" sounds weird.
- Deleted "major"
This is another badly written section
- Copy edited

OTHER SECTIONS : I am very sorry to say this but the rest of the article is very poorly written for GA criteria. I can not pinpoint each and every error, it is so difficult. Whoever has written this should improve their writing style, and check for such errors in their other articles.

- I have copy edited all sections

I would have failed this article but it satisfies five of the six GA criteria. So I am waiting for your response. Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 12:49, 31 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the thorough review. I have addressed all issues raised by you and given replies above. I have also copy edited all sections. Please see. If you still feel more c/e is required I will post it on GOC for editing.Nvvchar. 02:31, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Nvvchar: You have been very patient and calm with this article, you deserve praise for this. A lot of copyediting still had to be done, I have done it for each section but I humbly request you to take my sincere advice. You should carefully go through all my edits, line by line, and understand what the problems were and how I resolved them. These are errors that could have been easily avoided. Compare the current and previous revisions. This is because your works are of excellent quality and I sincerely do not want them to look bad due to the lack of copyediting. Please go through other nominations made by you and ensure similar troubles do not exist. This will help you minimize errors made by other editors and even your own errors. Also, I have tried to convert this to British English as per the MOS, though not all American spellings might not have been covered. Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 05:50, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

So now we are left with the following issues :

What is the name of the city in the infobox? It looks like two mixed languages! It should be the Odia name ପୁରୀ, not Hindi as the regional should be preferred, or you may give both names separately. Also add it in the first line of lead.
Oriya name for Puri added in Infobox and lead
~~The references need to be formatted properly.~~
- All book references are in Sfn format while web references are in the normal format. One reference which was not g formatted was introduced by some other user. It has been deleted along with the text as I could not find the source.

Geography and climate

Katakarajavamsa, a 16th century chronicle (c.1600), attributes filling up of the bed of the river which flowed through the present Grand Road, during the reign of King Narasimha II (1278–1308). I have difficulty understanding this.

I think the river flows below or along the road, but not through the road.
Was the bed filled up during his reign? The sentence is grammatically wrong, I think it should be : Katakarajavamsa, a 16th century chronicle (c.1600), attributes filling up of the bed of the river which flowed through the present Grand Road, during the reign of King Narasimha II (1278–1308).

- Yes corrected

No it is still not corrected. Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 13:55, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Done now

This source (I don't know if you have already cited it) says that the king filled in the bed of "Balagandi at Nilachala". Balagandi is a place an not a river, so I think it is the place that was created after the bed of the river (either unnamed or whose name is not known to us) was filled up. I hope this will help you to make things clearer in this sentence.

The reference is cited. Changes made in the text

You are not being careful while editing. You have left typos. Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 13:55, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

- I have done editing agisn

~~Also though there is no link for King Narasimha II, you could at least give to which dynasty he belonged. I think it was the Ganga dynasty, but we should be sure. Try to find out.~~

Linked to Eastern Ganga dynasty,

History

Puri, the holy land of Lord Jagannath, also known by the popular vernacular name Badadeula... In the lead you say Badadeula was a common name for Puri in the past, and here you say it is a common name even now. This needs to be consistent.
- Corrected
~~FYI, even the name of King Anantavarman Chodaganga was misspelled as Chodangadev. I mean you should be more careful in future before GA nominations.~~
- Thanks
In the Sanskrit drama Anargha Raghava Nataka authored by Murari Mishra Who was Mishra? A playwright?
- Added playwright
The temple's historical records also finds mention in the Brahma Purana and Skanda Purana as having been built by the king Indradyumna of Ujjayani. What finds mention? The historical records or the act about who built it? Very confusing.
- Modified
The same problem as Mishra's. You must identify who Wilkinson and Sadasivan are. Are they historians, professors, or officials (also mentioning their firms, such as ASI)? You should avoid these troubles.
- Sadasivan is identified as a historian but I can't find the professional details of Wilkinson. May be you could help. Other wise the whole text needs to be deleted

Remove the mentions of Wilkinson. Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 13:55, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

It is also said by W.J. Wilkinson quoted by S.N. Sadasivan ... what does this part mean?
- Corrected now with details and references
Even during Maurya king Ashoka's reign in 240 BC, Odisha was a Buddhist center... Is it Odisha or Kalinga? I think Kalinga is more appropriate.
- Changed to Kalinga
~~Don't say W.J. Wilkinson everywhere after the first mention. Just say Wilkinson.~~
- Done
FYI you should be consistent in saying either Jagannatha or Jagannath. It is not possible to use Find/Replace or it will make a lot of redlinks and the images would not appear if filenames change. So do it manually as much as possible.
- Thanks
The significance of the four dhams is that Lord Vishnu takes his dinner at Puri...Badrinath You must have known this through some text or scripture of course. You must mention it like The significance of the four dhams is , according to ____, Lord Vishnu ... Unless you do that this sentence seems weird - do people regularly see the God coming here? Even then it would not be valid for Wikipedia.
I can't find as to who said that

You can say "it is a local belief about these dhams that..." Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 13:55, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

- Corrected as suggested
In the 17th century, for the sailors sailing on the east coast of India, the temple served as a landmark, being located in a plaza in the centre of the city, which they called the "White Pagoda" while the Konark Sun Temple, 60 kilometres (37 mi) away to the east of Puri, was known as the "Black Pagoda". Did sailors start seeing the temple as a landmark only from the 17th century? Or were the names coined at that time only and not before? Or was it something else? Sounds weird.
- Modified
The Matha was in the news recently for the large cache of 522 silver slabs unearthed from a closed chamber. Recently is vague. When exactly? Read WP:VAGUE, many errors are emerging from this.
- Date added
...they initially appointed an official to look after the temple's affairs and later declared it a district with the same name What is "it"? "It" seems to be the temple. So was the temple declared a district. I mean you should have clarity here.
- Modified
~~Say either British rule or British Raj throughout the article. Consistency.~~
- Done
Puri has been chosen as one of the heritage cities Link heritage cities as in the lead.
- Done
~~Repair the caption of the image under Ancient period.~~
- Done
~~Change the caption of the second image : Main gate of the Govardhana matha . Note that throughout the article I have written matha or math as Matha. Adhere to it.~~
- Done

Economy

The kitchen of the temple which is said to be "Said to be" is vague. Which authority gave it this recognition?
- Lonely planet is the source which I have mentioned. Otherwise it could be deleted.

Lonely Planet is just a publisher. Not an authority, see the source and find the authority. I do not want that this fact be deleted, it is very important. Later in the article too you mention this fact. Or search Google Books for some other good source for this fact. Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 13:55, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

- I have corrected the text with reference

City Management and Governance

~~Why is there so much capitalization in the heading here?~~
- Corrected
... is the annual event of the Ratha Yatra held during July. Being an Odia I know that the Rath Yatra is not held during July all the time. It is sometimes held during June. See Ratha-Yatra and reword this properly.
- Corrected
More than a million people attend this event Source? Needs a more precise estimate.
- It is the Puri Municipality which I have mentioned now.

Landmarks

~~The description of the temple should be significantly shortened and only major aspects should be covered. Else the article will not remain focused.~~
- I have deleted some portion. You are the best judge to do the balance.
I am not copyediting the first subsection completely as much has to be deleted.
also called the Mahodadhi considered a sacred bathing spot in the Swargadwar area What is called Mahodadhi? All the five spots or only the Bay of Bengal? Clarify.
- 'Mahodadhi' means a "great ocean" . Mentioned now
Swargadwar is the name given to the cremation ground or burning ghat which is located on the shores of the sea Which sea? Bay of Bengal?
- It is mentioned now
~~FYI Emara Matha was misspelled.~~
^Thanks Stands corrected
From the roof of the library one gets a picturesque view of the temple complex. Sounds like original research
- Deleted

Festivals of Puri

The most important of these is the Rath Yatra, or the car festival, held in the June–July Grammar. Also the correct timing for this should be mentioned properly as in the subsection Rath Yatra at Puri.
- I think it has been done now
Reword The chariots of Jagannath pulled during Rath Yatra is the etymological origin of the English word Juggernaut.
- Done as suggested
Anasara, literally means vacation In which language?
- Explained with refrence
Hence, devoteeson are nt allowed to view the images. What is this?
- Wording has been chnaged as devotted are not allowed to see the image when they are Anavasara
More than 3 million devotees were expected to visit the temple during the Nabakalebara in 2015. Was it an estimate made before the event that year? Then why is it relevant? Or is it the estimate of the number of visitors after the event? Were they expected to visit or expected to have visited?
- I have added text of 3 million people visitng during the festival with a refrence
~~Under Suna Besha, you should clarify the Odia meaning of Besha. FYI it means appearance or looks. However you should cite it properly.~~
- Done
~~Why is one caption in bold? Bold is not used in the article unless its use is inevitable.~~
- Corrrected

Transport

~~This was very poorly written. Please see my edits in this section.~~
- Thanks
- I have seen your edits and they are all fine. Thanks again

Arts and crafts

He established the Golden Sand Art Institute where?
Located in the open air on the shores of Bay of Bengal

Add it to the text. Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 13:55, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

- Added

Culture

~~This was very poorly written. Please see my edits in this section.~~
- Thanks for the edits
many of the Odissi virtuoso artists and gurus (teachers) are from Puri. For example?
- Thanks

But answer my question. Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 13:55, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

- Your edits are very well done. Thanks

You don't get me. I meant you should add an example or two of the artists and gurus from Puri. I am not talking of my edits! Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 14:27, 3 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

- Added a few names with Wikilinks

Education

Ghanashyama Hemalata Institute of Technology and Management No information about this?
- It is wikilinked. Hence did not add more on it
to provide education in skilled, committed & talented technicians What does this mean?
- Corrected

That's all I could notice. Go on with your hard work! Cheers! Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 07:24, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sainsf Thanks for your edits today. I have complied to all the additional comments made by you today. Hopefully, I have not missed anything. On Ratha Yatra I have done some pruning. If you feel it is not adequate you may pl delete whatever text you decide. On the Wilkinson issue, I could not locate his professional details from Sadasivan's book. May be you can help. Glad to comply with any more suggestions to improve the article. This article is the last of the four dhams to be taken to GA. It is very difficult to do major cities as there is always too much interference by other users, even after posting on GA. Thimpu failed, Kathmandu failed and so many others. However, Dwarka and Varanasi made it. Nvvchar. 10:12, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Nvvchar for your tremendous patience and calmness even after so many issues.

Could not find anything about Wilkinson, better remove all mentions of him.
You have not addressed many issues still, and left typos somewhere. You should be a careful editor. Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 13:55, 2 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I know. I will address them. In the meanwhile I am trying to find sources for the number of people who attended Nabakalebara in 2015, on Wilikinson and the number of people working in the kitchen. May take time as I have asked some users from Oriss to help.Nvvchar. 01:24, 3 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sure, please take your time, it is important that we have quality info here. I would have been glad to help but I do not know very well how to find sources for articles on cities and countries - this is not really my area. Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 02:00, 3 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

OK, so now very few issues are left. I am sorry I struck out some unresolved issues and forgot to strike out some resolved ones. Everything here is in order now, so you can easily go on with the remaining issues. Laudable efforts! Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 15:38, 3 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sainsf I have gone through each section again and done c/e. All your reviews issues have been answered now. I am done. You can take a final view as you wish on the upgrade.Nvvchar. 07:25, 4 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Nvvchar Very good! I am proud to promote this article! Congrats! Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 06:02, 6 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, Sainsf. It is a nice birthday gift today as I opened my internet which had blanked out whole of yesterday. I have special attachment to Odisha as I have a rakhee sister in Sambalpur. In my professional capacity, I have visited the state several times. I have written dozens of articles related to the state. As you hail from the state you may like to help me to take this to FA, if you feel so. You can tell me what more is to be done on this. Thank you again.Nvvchar. 05:42, 7 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Nvvchar: Oh, I wish you a very happy birthday (sorry if belated). Glad to know all this. I am not well acquainted with place FAs, I will help mainly with copyediting and formatting. It is not necessary that only Odias help you, others editors you usually collaborate with can also help significantly. Please see Kerala, it is a state and not a city article, but the structure and language looks good enough for FAC. The main thing before FAC is that the article must have extensive literature relevant to the topic, supported by good language, organization and citations. You should cover all facets, try to emulate the structure of "Kerala". Delhi is excellently written, it will be more helpful as it is a city GA. @Ansumang: Could you help here? Sainsf <^>_{Talk all words} 06:28, 7 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]