Talk:Princess Alice of the United Kingdom/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 14:41, 14 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

The lead is too detailed. Five paragraphs are too many, with two of them being already long. Condensing needs to happen. Fixed
(Alice Maud Mary; later Princess Louis of Hesse and Grand Duchess of Hesse and by Rhine; 25 April 1843 – 14 December 1878) → (Alice Maud Mary; 25 April 1843 – 14 December 187. Later Princess Louis of Hesse and Grand Duchess of Hesse and by Rhine) Fixed
who survived until 1901. → who died in 1901. Fixed
Alice's education was devised by Albert's close friend and adviser, Baron Stockmar. → Okay, and? What was her education? Fixed
Like her other siblings, → Cut. Fixed
Say that she spent her early childhood between residences first, then her education. Fixed
In 1861, → What month? Fixed
In 1861, when Prince Albert became ill with typhoid fever, Alice nursed him through his final illness; he died on 14 December. → When her father, Prince Albert, was diagnosed with typhoid fever in 1861, Alice nursed him until his death on 14 December that year. Fixed
There shouldn't be any citations in the lead as this is a summary of the entire article. Fixed
The Princess's life in Darmstadt was unhappy as a result of impoverishment, family tragedy, and worsening relations with her husband and mother. → You've jumped from her marriage to being unhappy living in Darmstadt, but there's nothing about what happened in between which lead to these things. "...as a result of impoverishment, family tragedy, and worsening relations with her husband and mother"; this should give a brief explanation was to why. I didn't want to go into too much depth, being the lead.
became a national one, → Needs rewording. Fixed
, for example, → Cut. Fixed

Early life

Every sentence should have a citation at the end of it.
In her childhood, Alice formed a close relationship with her brother, the Prince of Wales, and her eldest sister, Victoria, the Princess Royal. Victoria's marriage to Prince Frederick of Prussia in 1858 greatly upset her.[12] → There's no point having a one sentence paragraph. Fixed
and nursed her through the final illness. → Did she have more than one illness? Fixed
During his final illness, → I really don't know why you have phrased it like this? Fixed

Marriage

Both of the leading → With both of the leading Fixed
Alice was careful not to displease the Queen after her marriage. When the Queen visited the couple at St Claire, Alice tried not to appear "too happy". Despite this, Alice's displays of romantic bliss made the Queen jealous of her daughter's happiness.[31] → Again, why such a short paragraph? Fixed

Princess Louis of Hesse

where they breakfasted, →where they had breakfast Fixed
A block quote shouldn't have quotation marks in it, as it is already indented, indicating that it is a quote. Fixed
who in turn wrote to Victoria, → who in turn wrote to Princess Victoria Fixed

Later life

Again, quotation marks should not be present in a block quote. Fixed
The following day, Alice wrote a much shorter letter to Louis in which she looked forward to their meeting, and hoped that "my letter did not distress you – but it is better to be quite honest about all one's feelings".[52] → Tack this onto the start of the next paragraph. Fixed
Paragraph starting Despite marital problems, Alice remained a strong supporter of her husband, is very long. Fixed

Legacy

There's not point making a red link to a non-existent article. Fixed
Again, all sentences need citing.
Make the Descendants sub-section one paragraph, there's no point having such a short second "paragraph" Fixed

Children

Having pink and blue for girls and boys is a nice idea, but people who have difficulty determining and differentiating colour will probably not find this helpful, or possibly notice it at all. I don't think it's necessary. Fixed

References and Citations

Citations need not be capitalized Fixed
It's called References and citations, but you place citations before references. Fixed

Outcome

On hold for 7 days. — ₳aron 15:07, 19 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I've agreed with most of your points and tried to edit the article to satisfy each suggestion. In a couple of sections you suggest adding citations to each sentence. As per WP:CITEDENSE, I've tried to cite for particular points made rather than sentences; some cover several sentences and only need one source.

Let me know if there's anything else you think needs doing before promotion! Thanks. Sotakeit (talk) 08:50, 20 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for being so prompt. I learnt a lot about Alice. Giving her dying son a kiss and contracting the disease herself stuck in my head all evening. Passing. — ₳aron 08:59, 20 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.