Talk:Pismo-Glava/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: Abnormalcy333 (talk · contribs) 17:05, 12 April 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: IanTEB (talk · contribs) 13:08, 3 July 2024 (UTC)

Comments with the fox emoji 🦊 come from cross-checking reviewer. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 02:21, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

Reviewing this is as part of the July 2024 backlog. This has been awaiting review for a while, so happy to get this to you. Since I fall under unexperienced reviewer (under six reviews) I will need another editor to close this when its done, but I'm hoping that this goes swiftly.

Checklist

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):

   b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a. (reference section):

   b. (citations to reliable sources):

   c. (OR):

   d. (copyvio and plagiarism):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a. (major aspects):

   b. (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):

   b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):

Background

• "'Pismo-Glava' was first announced as the lead single of Jelena Rozga's third studio album Moderna Žena at the end of November 2016 on Narodni radio" - what source is supporting this?

 Not done: I cannot seem to find where that is taken from anymore. It could have been an audio source which I cannot retrace.

• "The song had its exclusive one-time airplay on 2 December on Naxi Radio" - I would change "exclusive one-time airplay" to "one-time airplay" and change the bolded "on" to "via"  Done
• "preceding the album's release by 8 days" - change "8" to "eight" per MOS:NUMERAL  Done
• The album credits cites Discogs, which is unreliable (WP:DISCOGS). Discogs tends to adapt their credits from liner notes so searching for a picture or video might be a good idea.  Done
• All articles discussing the lyrics also seem to mention that the protagonist is unhappy/sad within the relationship. For example, Rozga's comment in the Si21 article: "though she knows that it doesn't even matter which side the coin lands on, because both mean that she chooses a man who makes her sad". These might just be translation issues from my end, though.  Not done: I think that is just translation issues as the lyrics are quite empowering and positive.
• "A writer for Croatian newspaper Jutarnji list and a writer of the Slovenian website si21.com both described the song as 'wonderful'" - to seperate subjective commentary from the objective description of the composition, I would start this sentence with "Critically,". A personal preference, but I also think "the song was described as 'wonderful' by writers of both the Croatian newspaper Jutarnji list and the Slovenian website si21.com" would flow better  Done
• "recognizable pop sound of the singer" - per WP:ELEVAR, "the singer" should be changed to "[Rozga]"  Done
• "who in a review of the album Moderna Žena - "the album" can be removed since it has already been introduced  Done
• As a last comment here, I would rename this section "Background and reception" or "Background and release"  Done
• Verified: [1], [2], [4], [5], [6], [7], [8], [9], [10] (alebit with Google Translate as help)

• 🦊 Rozga re-recorded a tambourine acoustic cover of "Pismo-Glava" and "Bižuterija" this should be covers plural, and "recorded", not re-recorded.  Done
• 🦊 MOS:GEOCOMMA needs attention: in Belgrade, Serbia on and in Mostar, Bosnia and Herzegovina

Music video

• The Naxi Radio citation needs to be added at the end of the first sentence  Done
• The date of release is included twice in the second sentence  Done
• "elegant red night dress" - I would remove "elegant" to sound less POV  Done
• Where are the credits to Saša Joković and Antonija Nikolić taken from?  Done
• "photographer wearing glasses also appears next to Rozga" - "also" can be removed  Done
• A source is needed for the video synopsis; a primary source would suffice  Done
• "The singer's fashion style" - as above, change "the singer" to Rozga  Done
• The Net.hr article specifically praises the night dress  Done
• "As of October 2022, the video has garnered over 10 million views on the platform" - primary sources to YouTube for view counts are generally discouraged  Done: I removed the sentence altogether.
• This article is currently lacking illustration. Since the video is discussed in decent detail, a screenshot could go a long way

Agreed, though there is little I can do as I currently only have access through my phone.

• Verified: [2], [11], [8], [13], [14] I was unable to access Republika; I'll assume good faith

Live performances

• "The singer performed" - change to Rozga per above comments  Done
• I would change "18. Večernjakov pečat" to "Večernjakov pečat '18" per the source and also since the full stop made me think the sentence ended there  Done
• "many of the singer's concerts" - change to Rozga  Done
• Is there a source for the concerts in the post-Yugoslav sentence?

Hmm, I don't think so. I also don't think I will be able to find one.

• Verified: [16], [17]

Charts, personnel, and links

• The text should be moved into the body. Putting it before "A writer for Croatian newspaper" in the Background section and splitting it into its own paragraph would probably be a good solution
  • 🦊 The text in Personnel should stay, but Charts generally lacks prose in most articles of this type. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 02:14, 6 July 2024 (UTC)
• Alike above, a replacement source is needed for Discogs  Done
• I would remove the external links section since Rozga's website isn't required on an article about an individual song  Done
• Verified: [18]

Lead and infobox

• "is an emotional slow-tempo ballad" - the slow-tempo is not in the body  Done
• "Several music critics praised the song's sound, which they recognized as typical for the singer" - "Several" can be removed. I would also change ", which they recognized as typical for the singer" to "who thought it was in the typical style of Rozga" since the current text could imply they said that a good style was typical.  Done
• "on the singer's official YouTube channel" - change the singer to Rozga  Done
• "shows Rozga lip-syncing to the camera" - the music video section just uses "singing". Movie cameras is also not specified in the body  Done
• "The singer's fashion style" - change to Rozga  Done
• Change "18. Večernjakov pečat" to "Večernjakov pečat '18" per the previous comment  Done

Conclusion

I know I nagged about a lot of things, but this article is very good; I've put it on hold. I hope you can respond to all my comments. IanTEB (talk) 13:08, 3 July 2024 (UTC)

• 🦊 The review is pretty on point. I have a handful of additional action items that were not mentioned. Please ping both of us when done, Abnormalcy333. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 02:21, 6 July 2024 (UTC)
  • @IanTEB:, @Sammi Brie: Thank you very much to both of you for the constructive feedback. I think I implemented most of the feedback, except where noted. I am looking forward to the latter reviewer's comments as well. Cheers. Abnormalcy333 (talk) 07:38, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

    I think it looks mostly good. If you can't find sources for the Narodni radio release and post-Yugoslav region concerts, that text should be removed from both the body and lead. I would also move the commerical performance paragraph in acoustic covers for the correct chronology. A final thing I noticed when checking over this, "number 5" in both commerical performance and the lead should be "number five" per WP:MOSNUMBER. If all is fixed, I think this should be good to pass. IanTEB (talk) 11:14, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

    I just implemented your comments. Thank you again for the review. Abnormalcy333 (talk) 11:51, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

    I would put the commerical information in reception and merge the cover versions with live performances, but I'll leave it to your discretion. @Sammi Brie: I feel comfortable passing this, unless you have any further comments. IanTEB (talk) 12:16, 6 July 2024 (UTC)