Talk:Piano Sonata No. 2 (Shostakovich)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

---

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 10:58, 12 July 2023 (UTC)

Happy to review the article. AM

Review comments

Lead section / infobox

• N Link piano sonata; composition (Musical composition); C-sharp minor.
• B-minor – no dash.
• composing the sonata in early 1943 – repeated information.
• form in B minor – simplify to ‘form’?
• Kuybyshev - amend to something like ‘Kuybyshev (modern Samara)', here and in the main text.
• N Introduce Ivan Sollertinsky; Emil Gilels; Inger Wikström. This problem also occurs in the main article – please check though the text and introduce the individuals accordingly.

Main text: Vissarion Shebalin; Lev Oborin; Ivan Sollertinsky, etc.

• N piano professor - ‘piano teacher’?
• Who was Isaak Glikman, apart from the composer’s friend?
  • Done! —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 21:22, 25 July 2023 (UTC)

Background

• N Shostakovich – needs to be introduced and linked using his full name, as this is the first time his names appears in the main article.
• Link piano sonata; B-minor (without the dash); Soviet government (Government of the Soviet Union); composition; C-sharp minor.
• Add a comma after some edits.
  • Done! —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 21:30, 25 July 2023 (UTC)
• budding sonata – why budding? Why is "graphomania" in quotation marks?
  • I removed "budding". Graphomania is in quotation marks because I was quoting the exact wording of Shostakovich himself. He did not suffer from the condition, but would often use the term in a joking way in reference to works composed during a particularly productive period. However, I can remove the quotes if needed. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 21:30, 25 July 2023 (UTC)

Music
Link motif (Motif (music)); variations (Variation (music)). has been likened – by whom? I have wiki-linked "motif", "variations", and also removed the weasely language. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 21:41, 25 July 2023 (UTC)

Premieres

Link Western (Western world). Done! —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 21:58, 25 July 2023 (UTC) Brodsky Lawrence's performance – was this the one at Carnegie Hall? Yes; I have clarified that passage. Let me know if that works. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 21:58, 25 July 2023 (UTC) Lookes sorted. AM Donald Ogden Stewart was master of ceremonies for the concert, whose the audience included Andrey Gromyko - seems irrelevant, as it doesn’t relate the the music. As the Lubin article notes, the sonata had attracted an unusual amount of attention because of the recent international furor over Shostakovich's Symphony No. 7. Because of that and the general nature of the occasion, mentions of attending dignitaries seems germane to the sonata's reception history. Compare with the article for Mahler's Symphony No. 8, which is FA; it also makes similar mentions of dignitaries who attended its world premiere. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 21:59, 25 July 2023 (UTC) Understood. AM

In the Soviet Union
Link critical (Critic); musicologist. Done! —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 22:04, 25 July 2023 (UTC)

In the United States

• Reading through this section, it seems to be mainly about the response to the work’s premiere in the US, and as such is imo excessively detailed. I would remove the quotes, and reduce the remaining text substantially, perhaps by half.
• Vera Brodsky is a duplicate link (amend to 'Brodsky' and unlink).
• CBS; American Russian Institute are also duplicate links.
• The last paragraph duplicates text from a previous section (see the comment about this).
• In 1945 (in the caption) – seems misplaced.
• The image of Brodsky is not needed, as it seems to be purely decorative.
  • I removed the repeated passage. Please give me a few hours to rewrite that section; it needs a little work. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 22:10, 25 July 2023 (UTC)

Later appraisals
Link texture (Texture (music)). Done! —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 22:24, 25 July 2023 (UTC)

Shostakovich's personal opinions

• write an Eighth Symphony instead – he wasn’t aware of the work that is linked, as it wasn’t written until afterwards, so I wouldn’t link it here.
  • Please give me a day or two to dig out my copies of the new collected works edition of the Eighth's orchestral and piano scores. If I recall correctly, he may have already begun sketching it around this time. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 22:35, 25 July 2023 (UTC)
• opinions (in the title) – 'opinion' sounds better imo.
  • Done! —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 22:35, 25 July 2023 (UTC)
• fluctuated – a value fluctuates, not an opinion, so this word needs to be replaced.
  • Done! —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 22:35, 25 July 2023 (UTC)
• Shaginyan's own opinion is given in a section about the opinions of the composer, so strictly speaking, it belongs somewhere else (or perhaps in a note).
  • Let me move her remarks to the "In the Soviet Union" sub-section. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 22:35, 25 July 2023 (UTC)
• But in early 1973 – avoid But at the beginning of a sentence.
  • Done! —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 22:35, 25 July 2023 (UTC)

References; Sources

• Link Cambridge University Press for the sake of consistency.
  • Done! —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 00:34, 26 July 2023 (UTC)
• Your citation style is not consistent (see WP:CITESTYLE), as there are publications listed in the Sources section and also within the References section.
  • Thank you for pointing that out. I rewrote this article two years ago, then augmented it with new sources earlier this year. In the interim, I had become a much more experienced user of Wikipedia, which may account for the discrepancies you noticed. Please give me a day or so to properly fix these. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 00:34, 26 July 2023 (UTC)
• Consider using this tool to ensure your ISBNs are written in a consistent way.
  • Noted. Let me get to it tomorrow. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 00:34, 26 July 2023 (UTC)
• Ref 32 (Данилевич) needs to be transliterated (MOS:ROMANIZATION). Ditto Khentova (in the Sources section (Also, it's 'volume 2', not T.2).
  • Done! —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 00:34, 26 July 2023 (UTC)
• There is a url available for Fay here.
• Link Oxnard Press-Courier (note correct spelling).
  • Done! —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 00:34, 26 July 2023 (UTC)
• There is a URL here for Glikman.
  • Before I add the URLs, is it OK to include these? Both books are very much still under copyright. Fay's book, for example, doesn't go into public domain until 2095. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 00:34, 26 July 2023 (UTC)

Adding URLs in this way is not an issue, presumably as it encourages the books to be read/bought, and the text in the article to be checked for accuracy. All the articles I have got to FA include such URLs, and it's a common feature of many other articles across Wikipedia. However, as it's not a GA requirement, it's up to you if you want to put them in. Amitchell125 (talk) 06:45, 27 July 2023 (UTC)

On hold

I'm putting the article on hold for a week until 27 July 29 July to allow time for the issues raised to be addressed. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 17:38, 19 July 2023 (UTC)

Thank you for reviewing! I will answer and edit according to your recommendations starting Friday or Saturday (PDT). Just have some loose ends with a new article that I need to tie off first. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 18:14, 19 July 2023 (UTC)

Haven't forgotten this, but it's been a busy few days. Will return to address everything in a few hours. Thank you for your patience and review. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 17:26, 25 July 2023 (UTC)

@Amitchell125: I made a number of changes according to your recommendations and also have some questions. Also, may I please request an extension until July 29 (PDT)? It's been an eventful week. —CurryTime7-24 (talk) 19:45, 26 July 2023 (UTC)

No worries. Amitchell125 (talk) 06:18, 27 July 2023 (UTC)

I've started going through, crossing out issues that have been sorted, and marking with a small red cross (N) those that haven't. Amitchell125 (talk) 06:27, 27 July 2023 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.