Talk:Paynter (horse)/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Eric Corbett (talk · contribs) 11:23, 13 August 2013 (UTC)
Lead
"... his owners hope to see him compete in the Breeders' Cup Classic in the fall."
The fall of this year presumably? What happens if this article isn't updated after the race? Is it important that the race takes place in the fall? Is this speculation even relevant for the lead?- I can toss it. Good point. The known is the next race they're prepping him for, on the 31st. There's a mention at the end of the article about the Breeder's Cup as well. I'll toss that too, or I guess I did toss it. Good catch. Montanabw(talk) 18:11, 13 August 2013 (UTC)
Background
"... and was started by horse trainer J.B. McKathan in Florida."
What does "started" mean in this context? Eric Corbett 19:49, 13 August 2013 (UTC)- FIrst put to saddle. When you say "broke to ride" it stirs up the animal rights community and is not precisely accurate. Shall I wikilink to horse training, have the word added to the glossary, or just explain it in text. --MTBW
- I think "first put to saddle" is fine, I can understand what means. Eric Corbett 22:11, 13 August 2013 (UTC)
- FIrst put to saddle. When you say "broke to ride" it stirs up the animal rights community and is not precisely accurate. Shall I wikilink to horse training, have the word added to the glossary, or just explain it in text. --MTBW
"Paynter was pointed to the Travers Stakes on August 25 for his next race."
Pointed?- Planned to go, the goal, just pick your favorite word from the thesaurus, it seemed like a good word at the time... not a horsey word, just sportswriter thesaurus prose... suggestions?;-) --MTBW
Illness and surgery
"Paynter developed an infection at a catheter site, blood clots in his veins due to problems with his protein levels, and was given plasma.
That sentence doesn't quite work; it begins as a list of problems but then suddenly switches to a treatment.- Good point, the problem is that I can't find in the source which problem they gave him a plasma transfusion to fix. Thoughts? --MTBW
- I've rejigged that slightly, see what you think. Eric Corbett 22:19, 13 August 2013 (UTC)
- Good point, the problem is that I can't find in the source which problem they gave him a plasma transfusion to fix. Thoughts? --MTBW
"Although his blood work and protein levels began to stabilize ..."
"Blood work" seems a bit too jargony. What does it mean anyway?- American English. "Blood tests and lab results." I'll see if I can link it. --MTBW
"After about three days, he began to feel better".
How do we know how he felt?- It's what the vet said... but want to stay out of OR land would "appeared to feel better" work? --MTBW
- I'd certainly prefer that. Eric Corbett 22:11, 13 August 2013 (UTC)
- It's what the vet said... but want to stay out of OR land would "appeared to feel better" work? --MTBW
"Paynter went into surgery and Southwood removed a 15-inch (380 mm) external growth".
In what sense was it an external growth?- Some sort of growth on the outside of his cecum (which in horses is HUGE). I can try to clarify --MTBW
"... and was allowed to be turned out to run free in a paddock.
Seems like too many words there. Why not simply "and was allowed to run free in a paddock"?- Yeah, that works. Follow up - didn't quite tweak it that way; horses at that place would not be given free turnout 24/7, probably just for a set time each day, but I can't source how long, so phrased it as "turnout" which sort of implies some sort of time limit short of 24/7. Will that work? --MTBW
Comeback
"He is just an incredible, phenomenal horse, I can't believe he is back. He's just a great horse...<ref name=ESPN/> He went from being 99–1 to survive to 1–9 to win ... I got emotional watching. It’s an amazing story."<ref name=Andersen2/>
Why do we have two citations in a single quotation?- The whole quote wasn't in one single place, it was two different interviews. Thoughts? --MTBW
- I think it should be two separate quotations in that case. Eric Corbett 22:08, 13 August 2013 (UTC)
- The whole quote wasn't in one single place, it was two different interviews. Thoughts? --MTBW
"After running close to the pace and taking the lead in the stretch ...".
What's the stretch?- Homestretch, good catch, will link. --MTBW
"... he lost by a half-length in a long drive to the late-running Kettle Corn."
Is that a long drive to/for the finish?- Yes, I think there's a link to the actual race here if that helps you figure out what I wanted to say. (Paynter #3 entry up front most of the race, Kettle Korn #1 entry, way back for most of the race)--MTBW
Will get to these as soon as I can; will be offline soon and traveling the next couple of days, so patience will be appreciated as I work on this. Montanabw(talk) 21:39, 13 August 2013 (UTC)
- I don't think there's much left that needs to be addressed, so we might be able to knock this on the head fairly quickly. If not it'll still be here waiting on your return. Eric Corbett 22:14, 13 August 2013 (UTC)
- ... In fact I think we're done. This article easily meets the GA criteria. Eric Corbett 22:25, 13 August 2013 (UTC)
- Thanks so much! I appreciate the thorough(bred) review and helpful input! Montanabw(talk) 05:17, 15 August 2013 (UTC)