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GA Review

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Reviewer: Titodutta (talk · contribs) 20:32, 6 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments part 01

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I have started readin the article and have read first three section (lead an next two). Here are few questions and comments --Tito Dutta (contact) 20:32, 6 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Later, she signed a three-film deal with the company.

- As an actress?

 Done
Alright!
  • Chopra has several projects in production

- When? Add {{As of}}

 Done
Alright!
  • Chopra's mother is named Reena, and she has two brothers

- Who has two daughters? Reena or Parineeti?

 Done
I can not see any change! Provide diff!
Tweaked.Prashant talk 06:39, 8 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • She had always wanted to become an investment banker: "I've always been a really good student and wanted to become an investment banker in London"

- Rewrite it mentioning giving some context about the quote.

 Done
Alright!
  • In 2009 she returned to India

- The article does not mention when she went abroad. If the information is available, add it.

 Done
Alright!
  • Priyanka (who was filming Pyaar Impossible!)

- Not sure, what does "filming" mean here- directing, acting? And when?

 Done
Partially alright! The second question )the minor issue "when") still unanswered!
That is mentioned. In 2009, she returned to India and moved to Mumbai. Also, Pyaar Impossible! was released in 2010, which means it was filmed in 2009.Prashant talk 06:35, 8 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • introduced Parineeti to the head of the PR team

- What is PR team?

 Done and linked it.
Alright! but, public relations team of what? "of the studio" or something similar can be added!
Added
  • "I realized I never understood acting and my respect for the profession increased"

- Give some details about the quote!

 Done
Alright!
  • to resign from her executive position with the company

- It seems YRF. But, you can mention it here since it is the beginning of a new section!

 Done
Alright!
  • she wanted to become an actress and decided to resign from her executive position with the company to attend acting school.

- The article does not mention if she joined any acting school! Any information available?

She didn't join any film school. But, there is no other information.Prashant talk 06:39, 8 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Maneesh Sharma suggested signing Chopra to Aditya Chopra

- Add descriptor like Bollywood director Manish Chopra.

 Done
  • the officer refused

- Which officer?

 Done
  • The film describes how three girls who are tricked...

- Tense conflict, the next few sentences are in past tense.

  • Chopra played the boisterous and feisty tomboy Zoya - She portrays the violent behavior coupled

- Similar conflict!

How a film description could be in the past tense? And, how an actor play a role in a film which was released ? I think it is alright.Prashant talk 06:39, 8 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Mrigank Dhaniwala of Koimoi
 Done

- Add a short descriptor "reviewer" etc!

  • Chopra is filming Maneesh Sharma's next film

- When? Add {{As of}}

 Done
  • Are you following British English or American English?
I have used British English.Prashant talk 18:53, 7 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks! --Tito Dutta (contact) 19:13, 7 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments part 02

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I have read the last part too. These are some questions and comments!

  • Off-screen work and media image (header)

- What does "media image" mean? and IMO, it should be "off screen works". An alternative title might be "Other activities"!

Changed to Off-screen work and artistry as one part talks about her Off-screen work and another is the artistry (her performance and analysis by experts and media).Prashant talk 06:41, 8 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • She also appeared on NDTV's Greenathon

- What is Greenathon?

Added the detail and explained it.
  • Chopra endorses a number of brands, including Kurkure, Nivea, Maaza and Spinz

- When? {{As of}} needed!

 Done
  • Too many quotes

- It is a short article and has too many quotes.

I don't think having too many quotes harms any article. Every quote is very very important as some are her quotes and others are critics opinions on her roles.Prashant talk 21:09, 7 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
10+ quotes in a short article, minor Wikipedia:QUOTEFARM issues. Some of those can be changed into indirect speech! --Tito Dutta (contact) 21:03, 7 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
Changing it right now. Prashant talk 21:09, 7 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Take your time! --Tito Dutta (contact) 21:14, 7 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Still too many quotes. 2 quotes of Taran Adarsh in on section and the first quotes is immediately followed by another reviewer's quote! One quotes of Chopra in Parineeti_Chopra#Off-screen_work_and_artistry can be changes to indirect speech! --Tito Dutta (contact) 22:35, 7 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • "Debut and breakthrough (2011–present)"

- There is only 1 h3 subsection! Do you need it? Or, you can just put it under "Acting career"!

Because I can't have a "Recent work" subsection as her next film is few months away. So, I guess it is not necessary.Prashant talk 19:41, 7 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
That Filmography Column only contains two awards (Filmfare and National), which are used in every Indian actor's article and I can't have a separate award list as then, I'll be forced to merge it. Also, if you have an awards section, it is natural that all awards will be there.Prashant talk 02:38, 8 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments part 03 Citations

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  • Chopra was born on 22 October 1988 in Ambala, Haryana into a Punjabi family supported by this and this sources. The first source supports the date and the second source supports the year! I can not understand which source mentions that she was born into a Punjabi family!
 Done
Checked! India TV source
  • Her father, Pawan Chopra, is a businessman and supplier to the Indian Army at Ambala Cantonment supported by this Times of India source! But, I can't find the name of his father in the source, thus partially fails verification!
 Done
  • Chopra's mother is Reena Chopra and she has two brothers: Shivang and Saraj supported by this and this source! Which source mentions "directly" that Reena Chopra is the mother of Parineeti Chopra? All I can find is Mrs Reena Chopra, wife of Mr Pawan Chopra!
 Done
Alright!
  • Chopra received her early education at the Convent of Jesus and Mary in Ambala Cantonment supported by this source. I can not find anything about "Convent of Jesus and Mary"!
 Done
Alright!
  • In 2009 she returned to India in the wake of the economic recession- two immediate next sources are this and this. Which source mentions she came back to India in 2009?
 Done : NDTV source.

Prashant talk 02:58, 8 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Okay!
  • Added a CN template!
  • Tagged 2 dead links!
Why CN?, I mean "she supports a number of causes" - She supports NDTV Greenathon, Mijwan NGO. So, why you need additional citation to prove it? Then, I'll have to provide a source that she acts in Hindi films as well. No?
Those two India Today sources are not dead, they are very much working. This means that you didn't checked the sources, but only analyses by checklinks tool.Prashant talk 11:19, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I don't know, why Checklinks show all the India Today links as dead. But, they aren't. So, I have added the them after archieving them. Now, Checklinks will not show as dead.Prashant talk 11:53, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments part 04

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Though length is not directly a criteria of GA, still, I am very much worried about it here. The article looks like a start class article, not a good article! Since, subject has acted in only few films, a large potion of the article is forced (i.e. it looks information has been added just to expand the article)! I'll think on it or may ask second opinion! --Tito Dutta (contact) 13:48, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

If it is like that, How articles of some actors passed their GA, despite being one film old. She has done two films. Also, this is not a suitable excuse.
Talk politely please! --Tito Dutta (contact) 14:13, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, I'm polite.Prashant talk 14:15, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The actress appeared on Verve's list of most powerful women in 2011 - what is Verve? most powerful women in 2011 of India, world?
tweaked.Prashant talk 14:02, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I wish to do some copyedits, which I have started! I am facing trouble to find the source which supports is regarded as one of the most promising actresses in Hindi cinema. In addition, if the "Other works" section can be split into "Media coverage" or "In the media" like this Priyanka_Chopra#In_the_media, it'll look excellent! --Tito Dutta (contact) 20:21, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Okay changed to In the media, but I can't include details like of Priyanka Chopra. Since, Parineeti Chopra is a new actress and Priyanka Chopra is working since 2000. Also, why you need extra source to prove that she is one of the most promising actresses of Hindi cinema? Is the second Paragraph of "In the media" doesn't proves that. The sources used in that section says proves all.Prashant talk 00:19, 10 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I'll see what I can do for the first part. And about the second part, that indirectly shows, but, a citation mentioning it directly will be excellent! --Tito Dutta (contact) 00:21, 10 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Also, it is mentioned in the body. The Indian Express labelled her the "most brightest and talented" newcomer of this generation. It is enough to prove that, even other sources says the same.Prashant talk 00:25, 10 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Added a new source showing the list of "one of the most promising actresses of Hindi films".Prashant talk 00:39, 10 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Table

[edit]
Rate Attribute Review Comment
1. Well-written:
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. Copyvio and close paraphrasing checking are being done!!
Checking done! Alright!
1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch
2. Verifiable with no original research:
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. There were some issues which have been fixed!
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). There were some issues with inline citation which have been fixed and now it is okay!
2c. it contains no original research. I have not found OR
3. Broad in its coverage:
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic. There is not lots of thing to write on the actor, but, the article covers main aspects!
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). Alright!
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. The current version has o POV issue and has been written from a neutral point of view
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content. Licenses, copyright status etc are alright! Fair use rationales not applicable!
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. Images are relevant to the topic and have suitable captions!
7. Overall assessment. The current version looks good and meets the major criteria of WP:WIAGA
Final comments

This is a short article but a good one, hopefully more content will be added soon! --Tito Dutta (contact) 18:06, 11 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

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