Talk:Parallels (Star Trek: The Next Generation)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 14:27, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Happy to offer a review. Josh Milburn (talk) 14:27, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"with an uncredited addition" This isn't fully clear to me.

I've rewritten that to make it clear what was added. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"a bat'leth tournament" Is bat'leth not the name of the weapon? You wouldn't say "a sword tournament". Also, as that's not an English word, you should be italicising, shouldn't you? (Other examples of that elsewhere in the article.)

Bat'leth is actually the English version of the name of the sword, betleH is the Klingon. The tournament is referred to as a bat'leth tournament in the episode, so I stuck with it for the article. As far as I'm aware, there is a seperate word used for these types of tournaments. You're right about sword - at best they'd either specify the type of sword or perhaps simply a swordmanship tournament, fencing tournament or kenjutsu etc. I'm just not aware of a Klingon/English word which would effectively mean "to bat'leth". Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"It was originally intended to focus" How about "[Whoever] originally intended to focus the episode [or "Parallels"] on"

Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"in order to make the differences more obvious across the timelines" I don't follow

I've extended the sentence to make it clearer why. I just over abbreviated it. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"some of the highest for the season" One of, surely?

Yep, changed as noted. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"both Dorn and Sirtis" Who's Sirtis? (S)he is yet to be introduced.

God knows how I managed to miss that out. I've expanded and linked. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Forcas III" A planet?

Changed to "the planet Forcas III)"?

"Worf's confusion leads to the Enterprise being damaged by a Cardassian attack" How?

Reworded to explain further. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"was killed in "The Best of Both Worlds"," Some people get a bit worried about dropping in-and-out of universe like this; perhaps this could be moved to an explanatory footnote?

I've changed to simply "by the Borg" - the events referenced on screen did occur in Best of Both Worlds, but obvious that episode wasn't mentioned on screen. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"he is essentially a Worf from a different universe" Why "essentially"?

Sometimes I look back on some of the prose I've previously written and I have to scratch my head. No idea why I wrote it like that. Hopefully it's more sensible now. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

(I've copyedited the plot a little- please check I've gotten it right.)

All looks correct - I removed the italics from bat'leth as per above. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Also in the original plan for the episode, the producers would have sought to bring back Denise Crosby as Tasha Yar, but after they felt that this would have made the episode resemble "Yesterday's Enterprise", she was instead replaced with Wil Wheaton as Wesley Crusher" This needs attention. (The bit in the lead is also a bit odd. How important is this information?)

I've trimmed both those lines and the one in the lead down. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The significance of the Crusher appearance is unclear to me; I'm guessing that the character was dead by this point in the series?

He'd be written out mid in season 4 and had only come back a couple of times since. This particular episode was odd as he was simply there without any explanation, whereas normally when Wheaton returned he was the featured actor. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

" After being included in "Parallels", it was decided to introduce that relationship properly during the final season of The Next Generation." Clumsy.

Re-drafted. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"crazy" is too colloquial.

Changed to insane, and re-worded the earlier part of that sentence as it wasn't good. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"the Argus Array" ??

It's a communications array, but I'm really referring to the prop, so I've specified that. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Deep Space 5 was a re-dress of Regula One" Italics?

This came up during the nominating of "Rejoined" at FAC - funnily enough space stations shouldn't be in italics. I presume because it's a base rather than a ship - I'd previously always put them in italics, but I was wrong - i.e. International Space Station. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"and said that Sirtis and Dorn had good chemistry added to praise regarding Dorn's comic timing" Clumsy

Redrafted that, and the sentence after... and a bit after that to make sure there wasn't repetition. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Is there nothing else worth including from the Collura source?

I'll have to listen to this again and get back to you. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

There are a couple of passing mentions in The Physics of Star Trek which may be worth including. So too in Star Trek: The Human Frontier. These are both from scholarly publishers. Living with Star Trek: American Culture and the Star Trek Universe has a mention; I've not heard of the publisher. See Chapter 7 of Contextual Media: Multimedia and Interpretation, which contains analysis of the episode. Lots of false positives, but some interesting stuff there.

Only a very brief mention in Living with Star Trek, basically says that "Parallels" is a multiform story before quickly moving on to talk about "Yesterday's Enterprise". I have added a short Themes section based on the other two hits - although I have to admit, I'm no physicist, so I've only added that which I felt I could confidently transcribe. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Have you checked Nexis? I don't have access right now for some reason, but there may be something of value there.

Due to the name of the episode, I didn't even attempt it, I felt it would simply throw up so many erroneous hits that it'd prove fruitless. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The writing it a little patchy in places, but I think it's OK for GAC purposes other than what I've listed above. Please double-check my edits. Nice work! Josh Milburn (talk) 15:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for reviewing J, I always appreciate it. It is rather annoying that everytime I go through a review recently I get reminded about three more articles I should work on prior to the 50th Anniversary in September. Now I've got "Best of Both Worlds" on the brain. Miyagawa (talk) 19:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Great, thanks for the quick response. I really want to go through the article in detail again; do let me know if you're keen to get this through particularly quickly and I'll redouble my efforts, but I may otherwise be a few days. Josh Milburn (talk) 15:48, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

There's no great rush. :) Miyagawa (talk) 18:09, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, I've had another look through. I'm afraid I still don't know what "the Argus Array prop" means. Other than that, I'm happy that this is ready to be promoted. Josh Milburn (talk) 10:13, 2 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I've clarified - it was a space station model built for a previous episode - I thought it was "The Wounded", but I just checked and it was actually for The Nth Degree (Star Trek: The Next Generation). The model got used for a variety of different space stations, although rarely do the sources specifically say so. Miyagawa (talk) 12:23, 4 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Great stuff. I'm happy to promote at this time. Nice work, as ever. Josh Milburn (talk) 12:51, 9 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]