Talk:Paparazzi (Girls' Generation song)/GA1
Appearance
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 14:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Hello, I'm Cartoon network freak and here's my review for this article:
Lead
[edit]"Paparazzi" is a Japanese song recorded by South Korean girl group Girls' Generation for their second Japanese studio album, Girls & Peace (2012). -> "Paparazzi" is a song recorded in Japanese language by South Korean girl group Girls' Generation for their sophomore studio album, Girls & Peace (2012).
Not done — Changed the first clause, but is "sophomore" really makes the article better? I mean, this is only GA, so the term "second studio album" is acceptable
- Unlink lead single
Done
- Miles Walker, "Paparazzi" was described as an electropop and R&B song. -> Miles Walker, the track was named an electropop and R&B recording.
Not done — "described" is acceptable
- and Hey! Hey! Hey! Music Champ. A music video for the song directed by Toshiyuki Suzuki premiered on June 10, 2012. -> and Hey! Hey! Hey! Music Champ, while a music video directed by Toshiyuki Suzuki premiered on June 10, 2012 in order to accompany the release of "Paparazzi".
- previous Japanese single "Mr. Taxi" in 2011.-> previous Japanese-language single, "Mr. Taxi" (2011).
Done
- It was -> The track was
Done — But I still don't get why "It" is not suitable
- The single was -> Furthermore, the single was
Not done — The two sentences do not have any link with each other
- Japan, peaking -> Japan, with it peaking
Not done — could you explain more why "peaking" only is not suitable? I don't get it
- two on the -> two on both the
Done
- It received certifications from the Recording Industry Association of Japan on two bases–physical sales (gold) and digital download (gold). -> "Paparazzi" was certified Gold in Japan for the sales of the single's digital and physical release, respectively.
Done — Simon (talk) 10:51, 16 May 2016 (UTC)
Recording and release
[edit]"Paparazzi" is a Japanese song described as a hybrid of electropop and R&B. -> "Paparazzi" is a song recorded in Japanese language, which was described as a hybrid of electropop and R&B.
Done
- Unlink "Japanese language"
Done
- Becker, and produced by American producer Miles Walker. -> Becker, while production was handled by American producer Miles Walker
Done
- The song was released -> The track was released (you've already used "song" before)
Done
- If you say "Japanese song", it sounds like the recording has an identity; change it to "Japanese language"
Done
- studio album Girls & Peace -> studio album, Girls & Peace (2012)
Done
- "Paparazzi" was also released in Hong Kong, Taiwan, and South Korea in mid-2012 -> The release of "Paparazzi" as well reached Hong Kong...
Done
Promotion
[edit]the group dressed -> the group was dressed
Changed to "wore"
- connect the two paragraphs
Done
- The music video -> An accompanying music video
Done Yet I still think "accompanying" is superfluous
- performing the choreography -> performing a choreography
Done
- Girls' Generation. The show begins -> Girls' Generation, with the show beginning
Not done I used semicolon instead
- They dance in-> Subsequently, the band dance sporting
Not done "Subsequently"? It doesn't fit here
- outfits–the -> outfits – the
Done
- Remove "the" in both cases for the outfits
Done
- routines as -> routines for their
Done
Reception
[edit]Unlink music critics here and in the lead; do the same with certified gold in the lead
Not done I don't know why they should be unlinked
- Hadfield writing for the Tokyo edition of Time Out compared -> Hadfield, writing for the Tokyo edition of Time Out, compared
Done
- previous Japanese single -> the same as above
Done
- single "Mr. Taxi" (2011) and -> single, "Mr. Taxi" (2011), and
Not done I did change the sentence but not as above
- the 2011 single -> the latter single
Done
- Connect all three paragraphs
Not done Why? Three different ideas are presented and there is no connection between them
- was a commercial -> remained a commercial
Not done What's wrong with "was"?
- Japan. It debuted -> Japan, debuting
Done
- Oricon Singles Chart on the chart issue dated -> Oricon Singles Chart issued for
Not done The current wording is fine for me
- physical copies of 2012 on the Oricon chart, selling selling 136,181 copies. -> physical release of 2012 on the Oricon chart, with it bringing total sales of 136,181 shipments
Done
- rose to the -> rose up to the
Done
- It ranked [...] on the year-end chart of 2012.-> "Paparazzi" ranked at [...] on that chart's year-end chart of 2012.; you've already used "it" before
Done
- It also charted -> The track as well charted
Done
- number five -> at number five
Not done the preposition "at" was already included beforehand
- on the -> remove "the"
Not done similar to "the Billboard Hot 100", "the Billboard Japan Hot 100" etc.
- and number two -> and at number two
Not done As above
- sold 103,000 -> sold a total of 103,000
Not done Superfluous. — Simon (talk) 13:33, 17 May 2016 (UTC)
Credits and personnel
[edit]Credits adapted from "Paparazzi" CD liner notes -> Credits adapted from the CD issue's liner notes
Charts
[edit]U.S. -> US
Done
Release history
[edit]Unlink digital download, CD & DVD; its overfous- The catalog number section is not really needed and remains, as well, overflous
- @HĐ: Outcome:
On-hold for 7 days. Good luck! -Cartoon network freak (talk) 13:44, 16 May 2016 (UTC)
- Thank you so much for the review. Though some points to me are quite superfluous, the review is very appreciated. Best regards, — Simon (talk) 13:36, 17 May 2016 (UTC)
- @HĐ: Passing the article! Congratulations... Cartoon network freak (talk) 14:56, 17 May 2016 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.