Talk:Panzer Dragoon II Zwei/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: PresN (talk · contribs) 18:10, 5 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewing this for GAN. --Pres N 18:10, 5 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"The gameplay features the player moving an aiming reticle (representing the dragon's laser and Lundi's gun) and shooting enemies while the dragon travels through 3D environments on a fixed track, with levels having alternate pathways which influence gameplay." - this sentence gets a little complicated and the parenthesis aren't needed; consider "The player controls an aiming reticle representing the dragon's laser and Lundi's gun, shooting enemies while the dragon travels through 3D environments on a fixed track. Levels can have multiple pathways, and the dragon grows stronger over the course of the game based on the player's score." (that seemed a little more important to the gameplay summary then just the branching pathways.

Changed. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Gameplay is mostly identical to the original Panzer Dragoon; the player controls a flying dragon and its rider through an aiming reticle that can be moved over the whole screen with the D-pad, analog pad, or Saturn Mouse, with enemies appearing across four quadrants tracked by a radar in corner of the screen." -> "Gameplay is mostly identical to the original Panzer Dragoon; the player controls an aiming reticle for a flying dragon and its rider as they move through the level. Enemies can appear in four quadrants of the screen, and are tracked by a radar display in the upper left corner of the screen. The reticle can be controlled with the D-pad, analog pad, or Saturn Mouse

Changed. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"A new addition is the Berserk attack" -> "An addition to the original game's gameplay is the Berserk attack"

Changed. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"There was also an awareness that the Saturn was failing commercially and the team would need to potentially end the series within the system's lifetime." -> "The team felt that the Saturn was failing commercially, and that should therefore work on both games simultaneously in order to complete them within the system's lifetime."

I've rewritten it; see what you think. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Link Sega Saturn the first time you use it outside of the lead, and unlink the second instance of Futatsugi ("Series creator Yukio Futatsugi")

Fixed. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"oversight from the original artist Manabu Kusunoki" -> "oversight from Manabu Kusunoki, the artist for the first Panzer Dragoon"

Changed. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"As with Panzer Dragoon the art design drew inspiration from the work of Jean Giraud" - second "as with" in a row; maybe "The art design drew inspiration from the work of Jean Giraud, as it had for Panzer Dragoon"

Simplified. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"The team were more familiar with the Saturn hardware by this point, so Yoshida achieved technical elements that were impossible with the first game." -> "The team were more familiar with the Saturn hardware then the had been when developing the original game, and so were able to incorporate technical elements that they had been unable to in the first game."

Simplified. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"The transition from ground to air was difficult due to only having one scrolling layer" -> "The transition from ground to air was difficult to display to the player as the Saturn could only show one scrolling layer at a time"

Rewritten. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

You have one sentence about the dragons in Development paragraph 5, but then more in paragraph 6; these should probably be together.

The fifth paragraph is about gameplay elements, while the sixth is about technical graphics design. The dragon is a central element of the game and is mentioned repeatedly in the fourth paragraph, too. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Zwei added ethnic elements" - not clear what "ethnic elements" is meant to convey in this context

Something along the lines of world music, I think; it means that the music has drums and pipes and pre-modern non-Western instrumentation. Not sure how to phrase it more clearly. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"The music also changed in that the branching path system" - this feels like it should go with the first sentence, since the lack of precise level lengths is part of why the music wasn't prerecorded, right?

Good point! Changed. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"An arrange album" - I know this is how 90s/2000s sites refer to this type of album, but it reads easier to modern readers as "An album of arrangements"

I think it's more of an Engrish issue than a chronological one; this is still, for better or worse, the standard term (in Japanese) for such records. I'm hesitant to replace the correct standard term with something we made up, but I agree that it probably sounds strange to a reader not familiar with the term. I wish we could wikilink it! Unsure whether this is really for the better. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Release- when were these two shows that the game was shown at? Also, this first paragraph reads like a bullet list of entries; try to link them together a bit.

Added some clarity and specificity about the promo shows. Not sure how to link the promos and releases into more of a narrative... -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"GameTap closed its North American offices" - when? Also, explain what GameTap is since it's kinda obscure

Added context and dates. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Originally announced for a 2021 release date, the Zwei remake's release was postponed to an unspecified date in June of that year." - seeing as it's now 2023, this is a strange sentence- did it come out or not? And when?

No release, no updates, no news of any kind since the 2021 postponement. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reception as a whole reads as a series of reviews, one per sentence. It would be better divided up to have a section on gameplay, a section on graphics, etc., with similar review opinions combined together rather than siloed into their own sentences.

This is a pretty large request; I'll see what I can do. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The GameRankings percentage sentence/paragraph is unnecessary.

I've condensed that into the beginning of the section. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

References- consider using the '|trans-title' parameter to give English translations of the Japanese titles.

Oof, a large but reasonable request. I've translated all of them. -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review! Looking forward to more feedback! -Bryan Rutherford (talk) 04:12, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Good to go on your updates; I've made a couple small changes, rather than post them here. The reception section change is a larger request; it matches the recommendations at WP:VG/REC for how to write reception sections. It's not necessarily required for GAN, so since everything else is done, I'm going to go ahead an promote without it, but keep it in mind for future articles, especially if you plan on bringing any video game articles to FAC. --Pres N 22:25, 6 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]