Talk:Pancho Coimbre/GA1

GA Review

Lead

• "1939-1942" Periods of time should be separated by endashes rather than hyphens (see WP:DASH), but in this case, it would better still as prose. E.g. "... this included four consecutive seasons from 1939 to 1942."
  • Prosified (sic). - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
• "(note: In those days the American government had changed the name of Puerto Rico to Porto Rico, pursuant to the Act of May 17, 1932)." I would put this into a footnote.
  • I'm trying a "note" format simmilar to the one used in lists, how does it look? - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
• As above, I think "East-West" should use an endash.
• I would suggest merging the second and third pars into just one par.
  • Merged. - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

Baseball career

• "At the moment the team needed additional players and he was selected by the team's owner, Pipo Maldonado." What do you mean by "at the moment"? It appears to date it to now, rather than presumably then.
  • Reworded. - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:18, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
• Wikilink "right fielder"
  • All possitions linked. - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
• "an oiler city" Forgive my possible ignorance, but I don't understand what "oiler city" is.
  • It means that the city's economy revolves around the extraction of petroleum. Anyway, I replaced "oiler" with "industrial" which should probably do the trick. - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

LBPPR

• "Coimbre's original intention was to visit his sister, he lived as a guest in her house while in the city." This sentence appears to be two phrases without any conjunction.
  • Reworded, is it clear now? - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
• What are the US Negro Leagues? Is there a wikilink?
  • Negro league baseball, I believe it is linked. - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
• "scoring twenty-seven RBIs." Numbers greater than 10 should be in figures according to WP:MOSNUM
  • Corrected. - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
• "During his time of inactivity he worked in the Administration of Parks and Recreation." Do you know what sort of work he did there?
  • I will need to check the book. - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
    • He watched over softball games, I noted and sourced the statement. - Caribbean~H.Q. 23:45, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Retirement

• "Following his retirement Coimbre began working as the coach of the Leones de Ponce, he participated in two Caribbean Series with the team." Another sentence with two clauses without a conjunction to link them.
  • I tried explaining that the Carribean Series is a "champions only" tournament mentioning Ponce's championships, how does it look now? - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
• "Coimbre began promoting an idea that focused in the performance of the team, instead of the success of individual players." This sounds quite interesting and deserving of either more details or further explanation.
  • Ditto on the book. - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
    • Expanded, focusing in a conference organized on his first day as coach of the team. - Caribbean~H.Q. 23:45, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

General

• Scores and seasons, e.g. 2–1 and 1944–45, should use endashes not hyphens.
  • Added dashes to the dates and other uses, avoided doing so in "at-bat", "All-Star" and Ponce-Kofresí. - Caribbean~H.Q. 06:04, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
• Add a comma after introductory phrases, e.g. "In the last game of this series, Coimbre ..."; "In 1935, he moved ..."
• The article is light on wikilinks.

I'll place it on hold, but it's fairly close to the GA requirement. Peanut4 (talk) 23:26, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the review, I will deal with these shortly, after some issues with my PC are resolved. - Caribbean~H.Q. 23:34, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

No worries. Take as long as you need because it shouldn't take too long to resolve. I'll keep it on hold for as long as you need. Peanut4 (talk) 23:40, 11 July 2008 (UTC)

I began working with the review, it took longer than expected because Daniel Santos won his fight ahead of schelude, cheers. - Caribbean~H.Q. 03:13, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

Most of it looks fine. Just the two points from the book, and the MOS general issues above. Peanut4 (talk) 12:03, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

Final review

GA review (see here for criteria)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Well done, pretty much everything looks tip-top. My only thing I would say is to have a look at WP:CITE for the references. You don't need to say the title of the book each time it is used. Anyway, I've passed it. Good work. Peanut4 (talk) 23:54, 13 July 2008 (UTC)

Thanks again, I just finished a final run linking the baseball jargon and doing other tweaks. - Caribbean~H.Q. 00:17, 14 July 2008 (UTC)