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Talk:Omar Lorméndez Pitalúa

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romance

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Until the women in question are reliably reported to be under no coercion, we shouldn't be assuming these relationships were voluntary. --valereee (talk) 10:52, 22 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • @Valereee: Just for the record, reliable sources mention they were "romantically involved" after the kidnapping. El Universal stated: "el levanton ... termino en romance" / "the kidnapping ... ended in romance". I'm fine with removing this from the article since it is a sensitive topic. MX () 03:17, 23 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]
    MX, I answered you at dyk talk, and I absolutely trust that you're interpreting the source correctly and would never intentionally misinterpret; I hope I wasn't unclear on that! Thank you for being flexible on this. What I said at DYK talk was I do understand that the Spanish-language sources said something along the lines of "romantically involved" per my reading of a machine translation, but I'm worried there's some not-so-subtle sexism inherent in the situation. Women have been coerced into marriage for as long as powerful men saw those marriages as useful to them. I think we have to take even a reliable source with a grain of salt unless they are directly quoting a woman who is no longer in danger. I know I'm getting dangerously close to OR and synth here. I just think since this woman is still alive, we need to be very careful. --valereee (talk) 10:18, 23 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

You are absolutely right on this. Thank you for your response. Feel free to copyedit the article more if you think it needs it. I appreciate the feedback. See you around! MX () 15:51, 23 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


GA Review

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Omar Lorméndez Pitalúa/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 22:59, 8 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Opening statement

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In reviews I conduct, I may make small copyedits. These will only be limited to spelling and punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. For replying to Reviewer comment, please use  Done,  Fixed, plus Added,  Not done,  Doing..., or minus Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. —♠Vami_IV†♠ 22:59, 8 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Prose

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  • If there are relevant images that can be added to break up the wall of text, please do so.
  •  Done I've added two images. One is under public domain (just like the one already used) and another one is a non-free image. These are the only known pictures of Omar Lorméndez Pitalúa as far as I've been able to find.
  • to gain control of the turf Change to "territory".
  •  Fixed
  • He deserted [...] He then joined [...] He became [...] He was hired Four sentences in a row that start with "He [...]".
  •  Fixed
  • Lorméndez Pitalúa is often cited as one of the founding members of Los Zetas who was reportedly part of the Grupo de los 14 (English: Group of 14),[10] a named used to describe the first fourteen Zetas members.[11] Condense.
  •  Fixed
  • a named used Name.
  •  Fixed
  • In Los Zetas, Lorméndez Pitalúa used the code names [...] Move this up to become the last sentence of the first paragraph in "Early life and background".
  •  Done I broke the first paragraph up to better flow but I've added it to the end of paragraph 2, which I think reads better.
  • "Kidnapping and marriage" is vague and misleading title. I suggest I "Kidnapping of and marriage to Angélica Lagunas Jaramillo". A lot of this section is also not about Lorméndez Pitalúa, and the content that doesn't pertain to Lorméndez Pitalúa in some way should be reduced.
  •  Fixed I did a heavy trim to the section, please see here. I also incorporated the subject in more mentions whenever acceptable.
  • This can still be condensed; axe Lagunas Jaramillo cried for help saying she was being robbed, but the Zetas' gunmen told her they were taking the money because she had failed to pay the cartel's tax.
  • minus Removed I also edited the section's name to "Kidnapping of Angelica Lagunas Jaramillo". Marriage is only mentioned in one sentence so most of the section is about the kidnapping.
  • The Gulf Cartel required independent smugglers to pay a tax for smuggling drugs and other illegal merchandise in their corridor. Redundant.
  • minus Removed
  • Move Footnote A to where it's relevant in "Early life and background".
  •  Fixed
  • Who's Lazcano Lazcano?
  •  Fixed
  • Lorméndez Pitalúa paid officials in U.S. dollars—payments of US$50,000 and more. Condense.
  •  Fixed
  • There is a broken reference, "arturoabatido", somewhere in the source code.
  • minus Removed

GA progress

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Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.