Talk:Ode to the Bouncer/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 20:15, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Can't say I've ever heard of the band, but I'm happy to offer a review. J Milburn (talk) 20:15, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

You mention Bangladesh twice- are you sure you don't mean Belgium? Very different countries!
- I do actually mean Belgium. Fixing. 和DITOR E tails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Dyna Mink and Goldie Foxx originally wrote the tune to "Ode to the Bouncer" for a UK girl band, who would be dropped from their label." Ok, this assumes more knowledge than the average reader actually has. How about something like "Keyboardist Dyna Mink and DJ Goldie Foxx originally wrote the tune to "Ode to the Bouncer" for a UK girl band, who would be dropped from their label." What girl band? What label?
- Fixed. No source has stated the label or girl band name, so I don't know what to do about that. 和DITOR E tails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Without anyone to write lyrics for the song or release it, the two met Cherry for her to be vocalist and lyricist of the track, and the project Studio Killers would be formed." Who is Cherry? Also, "met Cherry for her" is a rather odd phrase. Who set up the meeting? Did they seek out Cherry? Why "would be" formed, rather than "was"?
- The members have not been identified, but I've fixed this already. It should look better now. 和DITOR E tails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Contactmusic.com noted its instrumentation of "skipping break beats" and synth loops." Personification. How about "A writer for Contactmusic...". There are plenty of other examples of this- it's not a great way of writing.
- Rewritten 和DITOR E tails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Could we possibly have a summary of the music video? It doesn't need to be long.
- Since its a plot summary, do we need a source, cause typically good and featured film articles have plot summaries that don't have source? 和DITOR E tails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Bobby Rock and Pablo Rindt, Feng Shui, Niels van Gogh and Daniel Strauss, M-3ox, Lee Mortimer, and Fear of Tigers" Any wikilinks? Redlinks for those who are notable but don't yet have articles are fine.
- Added 和DITOR E tails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"The song reached number one on record charts in the Netherlands, such as" "Such as" implies examples; why not just list them all (if you don't already)?
- Fixed 和DITOR E tails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"and a version of the song played on the station was also released, which is also known as "This One's For Mama" version." How about "released as a separate single" rather than "also released"? Did that version chart at all?
- That version did not chart, and I've rewrote this. 和DITOR E tails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I wouldn't bother listing the "Accolade" as such, but I do think it belongs in the reception section.
- There are good and featured song and album articles that have done this, and its just as fine here. Really not worth arguing about. 和DITOR E tails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Beatport? notabledance.com? scandipop.co.uk? Are these definitely reliable? Are these really the best sources out there?
- Removing Beatport and notabledance.com. I'm keeping the scandipop.co.uk because that is not a self-published source. 和DITOREtails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - Actually, I'm considering readding the Beatport. It's a primary source, by the official Studio Killers Beatport account, so at least it's reliable. 和DITOREtails 04:39, 16 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - Make sure it's clear in the citation that it's by Studio Killers. J Milburn (talk) 10:48, 16 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      - Done 和DITOR E tails 15:21, 16 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Is there a category somewhere in Category:Singles by certification for the gold rating?
- Added 和DITOR E tails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Some of the online sources lack accessdates.
- Added 和DITOR E tails 23:12, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I don't think this one's quite ready for GA status yet, but a little bit of work should bring it up to scratch. J Milburn (talk) 21:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I fixed most of the stuff, and I promise I'll keep up with this. 和DITOR E tails 23:02, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Second look through

"Dyna Mink played the keyboards, which were programmed by Goldie Foxx" Somehow I doubt that Goldie was responsible solely for programming the keyboards.
- But that's was the liner notes said, at least as what I looked from Discogs.com. 和DITOR E tails 21:39, 14 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
You've still got a lot of personification of publications.
- But not all the publications have authors credited for some reason. What Wikipedia guideline is this concerning with? 和DITOREtails 21:39, 14 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - Done for articles that have authors credited, but still, What Wikipedia guideline is this concerning with? 和DITOR E tails 01:20, 15 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I remain unconvinced about the "accolade"; it's not so much a prize as an appearance on a list- it's especially odd as this the only entry on the list. I'm not going to fight if you're convinced, but it's something to consider.
You've categorised this as Platinum, but you say in the article that it went Gold.
- Fixed 和DITOR E tails 21:20, 14 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Some possibly useful sources: this, from NPR, and the Irish Times has "Smashing pop humdinger from mysterious combo with Danish, Finnish and UK members who prefer to hide (for now) behind cartoon characters. Fantastic video too." (Carroll, Jim (17 June 2011). "Morrissey poses his omnivores fans a dilemma". The Ticket (The Irish Times). p. 10.) My worry is that there seem to be a lot of non-English sources out there- I worry that you're going to need to dip into these, especially as this article is so short...
- The NPR source only talks about the band itself and mentions the song only once, so there's really not a lot to add from that source. I guess I could use the Irish Times source, but the Google News search only comes up with sources that only mention the song or already have info included in this article, some of them not even reliable. Also, judging an article by its length in a GA review, or sometimes even a FA review, is unneccessary. Yes, its not a long article, but that's all that can be included. According to the good article criteria, broadness is "significantly weaker than the "comprehensiveness" required of featured articles; it allows shorter articles, articles that do not cover every major fact or detail, and overviews of large topics." 和DITOR E tails 22:28, 14 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- I'll keep up with this. 和DITOR E tails 21:39, 14 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Third read through

There are still real problems, as well as basic errors which shouldn't be in the article at this stage. You even got the name of the song wrong in one place. Based on the poor writing, I'm going to close the review at this time.

"Dyna Mink and Goldie Foxx composed the tune to the dance-pop, while the lyrics were made by vocalist Chubby Cherry." This doesn't make any sense.
- "dance-pop track" fixed it 和DITOR E tails 15:32, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"and has been met with positive critical reception" Again
- Is "reviews" fine? 和DITOR E tails 17:11, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"had a tune to be sent for a girl group in the UK, who was dropped from their label" Again
- Rewritten 和DITOR E tails 15:32, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"The production includes "skipping break beats" and synth loops,"" Hanging quote marks; it's unclear what's a quote and what isn't. Also, punctuation should be outside the quote marks.
- opps. Fixed. 和DITOR E tails 15:32, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Overlinking; you don't need to link the names of all these countries.
- Fixed 和DITOR E tails 15:32, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"The song reached number one on record charts in the Netherlands, such as the Digital Songs,[17] Dutch Top 40,[18] Mega Dance Top 30,[19] Mega Top 50[20] and Single Top 100.[21]" Why "such as"? As far as I can see, that's all of the charts it topped...
- Fixed 和DITOR E tails 15:32, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"It also peaked on record charts in Denmark, Finland and Belgium." Peaked at what? I think you mean charted or appeared.
- Fixed 和DITOR E tails 15:32, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Artists would have remixed the song include" Would have? Do you mean who have?
- Opps. That should be who. 和DITOR E tails 15:32, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
""excellent example of catchy dance music..."[30]" What's going on here?
- I have no idea. That just what the source said looking from the italian translation on Google translation. 和DITOR E tails 15:32, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Again, beware of punctuation inside quote marks (on a similar note, I'm surprised about the American spelling/dates when this is a European band with a British member).
Again, beware of personification. Publications don't say things, critics writing in them do.
- But again, not all of them were credited. 和DITOR E tails 15:32, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

In addition to the poor writing (WIAGA#1a), the fact that so many new sources have sprung up over the course of the review suggests to me that this article just isn't quite finished yet; it seems to lack the stability required for GA status (WIAGA#5). I advise you spend the next few days fixing the writing and continuing research, and then leave the article for a few weeks- come back to it and give it a good copyedit with your fresh eyes, and then renominate for GA status. I'm sorry if this is a rather unsatisfying close, but the article just doesn't seem to be smoothing out in the way I would hope. Don't lose interest, though; the article is coming together, it's just not really ready for GA status yet. J Milburn (talk) 14:42, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review, though. Also, I wouldn't worry about the sources. That's all I can find for know. 和DITOR E tails 15:32, 17 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]