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GA Review

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Zmbro (talk · contribs) 21:10, 12 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]


I'll review sometime this weekend :-) – zmbro (talk) 21:10, 12 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Zmbro I look forward to hearing your comments, better late than never! --K. Peake 21:44, 12 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

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  • Infobox looks good
  • You can refer to Kendrick by his surname only after the first use. It is NOT the same thing as Paul Wall as Lamar is his actual middle name
  • "Production of the song was handled by West and Madlib, who started to record it in 2010." → It was produced by West and Madlib, who began recording in 2010. Also, link Madlib
  • "Freddie Gibbs was supposed to use the song's beat, until Madlib passed it on to West and Kendrick Lamar." → The beat was originally offered to rapper Freddie Gibbs before Madlib gave it to West and Lamar, who used it instead.
  • "The release date fell on a Monday, as West having a Yeezy Season 3 fitting caused a delay." This to me is irrelevant to the lead.
  • "In the lyrics, Hollywood culture and the fame game are reflected on by West, after Kendrick Lamar recounts a relationship's beginning." → In the lyrics, West reflects on Hollywood culture and the pressures of fame, while Lamar recounts the beginning of a relationship. (Not sure what is meant by "fame game")
  • ""No More Parties in LA" received highly positive reviews from music critics, many of whom praised West's verse. They often appreciated his lyricism and others complimented Kendrick Lamar's verse, though a few critics highlighted the song's sampling." These can easily be combined. Change to something like ""No More Parties in LA" received highly positive reviews from music critics, many of whom praised both artists' verses and lyricism while others highlighted the sampling."
  • "The song was certified gold in the United States by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA)." When?
  • "Yasiin Bey released his freestyle "No More Parties in SA" in January 2016, which is in reference to the song." → Yasiin Bey referenced the song in his freestyle "No More Parties in SA" in January 2016. (Although I struggle to see this sentence's relevance to the lead)
  • A remix of the song was shared by Freddie Gibbs that same month, while Sporting Life later released his remix in February 2017. (same thing as previous comment)

Background and development

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  • Again, surname only for Lamar. If you don't agree look at his own article and see for yourself.
  • ""No More Parties in LA" marked the first ever collaboration between Kendrick Lamar and West, following on from the acclaim that the former of the two received during 2015." I assume you're talking about To Pimp a Butterfly? A reader who knows nothing about Lamar isn't going to know that. I'd verify what you mean.
  • "On February 16, 2016, shortly after the release of the song," Wouldn't this be after the release of TLoP?
  • "West revealed that they have 40 unreleased songs together. West continued," → West revealed that they have 40 unreleased songs together. He continued,"
  • This whole section is out of chronological order. You go from 2013 to 2016, back to 2010, and back to 2016. I would make it flow chronologically, at least that's how I was told to write during my FAC.
  •  Not done in this context it is fine because not only are the separate paragraphs about different background (Kendrick Lamar's feature, GOOD Fridays, and sampling), but this is a GAN not FAC so those guidelines are not necessarily to be applied here --K. Peake 21:38, 14 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Start new para on "As a result"
  • "As a result of having wrote American bassist Larry Graham's "Stand Up and Shout About Love", which the track samples, the bassist, Tina Graham and Sam Dees received writing credits on "No More Parties in LA"." Too many words → "The song samples American bassist Larry Graham's "Stand Up and Shout About Love", resulting in him, Tina Graham, and Sam Dees receiving writing credits on "No More Parties in LA"."
  •  Done for the above
  • "Drake responded by uploading a photo to his Instagram that showed a vinyl copy of Graham's debut studio album One in a Million You (1980), which the recording is from." There's a much better way to word this than "which the recording is from.". Try "Drake responded by uploading a photo to his Instagram that showed a vinyl copy of the sample track's [or "Stand Up and Shout About Love"'s] parent album One in a Million You (1980)."
  • "Since they wrote American rapper Ghostface Killah's "Mighty Healthy", a recording sampled on the track, " Again, worded weird. Try, ""No More Parties in LA" also samples Ghostface Killah's "Mighty Healthy", for which the rapper, Herb Rooney, Mathematics, and Highleigh Crizoe receive writing credits."

Recording

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  • "; the two produced the song" remove this. Parent sentence implies it; if you don't like it, say "West and American musician Madlib began production on the song in 2010,..."
  • "He recalled being able to "paint the scene of how I felt sitting there with Madlib, working on these tracks, and just hearing the textures." reads weird; changes from third to first person in less than 10 words. Try "He recalled: "[I was able to] paint the scene of how I felt sitting there with Madlib, working on these tracks, and just hearing the textures."
  • The second sentence regarding the featurette needs to be flipped with the first or third. You can't say "West spoke about collaborating with Madlib." to "West also rapped lyrics" and back to "After West recounted collaborating with him, "
  •  Done I think I know what you are trying to say, how does this look?
  • "wrote 90 of the lines on the plane there." 90 out of what?
  •  Not done the exact number of lines is not reported anywhere that I can find
  • [13][8] ref order
  • "Madlib also mentioned that sampling a recording by a musician," → "Madlib also mentioned that when sampling a recording by a musician,"
  • "the entirety of the album it is from" → "the entirety of its parent album"
  • "He also admitted West "waited too long" due to various sampled instrumentals ultimately being used for Madlib and rapper Freddie Gibbs' second collaborative studio album Bandana (2019) instead of the song." This is a huge mouthful. Try rewording
  • Just use surname for Gibbs.

Composition and lyrics

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  • Since you mention all the samples and writers of those here, what's the need for repeating it all in background?
  •  Not done since the songs' writing information should be re-introduced in the comp section, plus I have used surnames where previously mentioned and not all of the songwriting credits from samples are mentioned in the lead anyway --K. Peake 21:38, 14 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "from basketball video game NBA Jam (2010)." → "from the basketball video game NBA Jam (2010).
  • "a variety of aspects of Hollywood culture and the fame game." Again, what is "the fame game"? → "a variety of aspects about Hollywood culture and the pressures of fame."
  • "West briefly raps alongside Kendrick Lamar at the start of the song, " This needs to be said before "The first verse is delivered by Kendrick Lamar, who adds to the song's backdrop."
  • No that just makes it read like a run-on. You should make it clear that West says the 2-3 lines before Lamar comes in (or make it fit to whatever the source says). – zmbro (talk) 18:21, 15 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • With that being said, → "Lamar chronicles the beginning of a relationship; references American singer-songwriter Erykah Badu in a line, using her for a sexual verb."
  • Rest looks good. Thanks for mentioning the continuation of "Real Friends" and "Pablo"

Release and artwork

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  • "Kardashian explained that "No More Parties in LA" missed the scheduled Friday release date of January 15, 2016 due to West not finishing it in time because of a Yeezy Season 3 fitting in Italy, with her apologizing for the postponed release." These can be separate sentences. Try ""No More Parties in LA" missed its original scheduled Friday release date of January 15, 2016". Kardashian apologized on West's behalf and explained that this was due to him not finishing the song in time because of a Yeezy Season 3 fitting in Italy."
  • "GOOD Fridays series on January 18, 2016, though this date fell on a Monday instead." → "GOOD Fridays series on Monday, January 18, 2016.
  • "Similarly to that of "Real Friends", the artwork displays West at a very young age.[29] On the cover art, West is shown at a social gathering with his family." Way too many words. Also, this can't be true as in the "Real Friends" artwork he looks late-teens to College Dropout-era while "LA" he looks like he's not even 10.
  • No that made it worse. "much younger version of West than him in 2016" makes it sound like he's a robot. I'm trying to say that in the "LA" artwork he's significantly younger than how he appears on "Real Friends". IMO you can't say both are a young age when in one he looks 8 and the other he looks 18. But I guess if that's what the source says... My main issue with "too many words" is you say "the artwork" and immediately after "on the cover art". But if there's no better way to word it then I guess it's ok. – zmbro (talk) 18:21, 15 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Critical reception

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  • "She preferred West's performance on the song to Kendrick Lamar's," → "She preferred West's performance to Lamar's"
  • "his lyricism, liking the storytelling provided by him" again, too many words, keep it short and sweet: his lyricism, complimenting his storytelling."
  • "G.O.O.D. Fridays era" kind of a small nitpick but is it "G.O.O.D. Fridays" or "GOOD Fridays"? Written as "GOOD Fridays" throughout except here
  • Whole section seems kind of quote-heavy, especially when compared to "Drive Slow". I'd paraphrase a few of these

Accolades

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  • "The track was listed by HipHopDX as the 13th best song of 2016, and its best achievement was being ranked as the seventh best song of the year by Treblezine." → "The track was listed by HipHopDX as the 13th best song of 2016. Its highest positioning was given by Treblezine, who ranked it the 7th best song of the year.
  • "the best of January 2016" This may be just me but this doesn't seem like that big an accomplishment when compared to the next sentence. Plus, how many rap songs came out that month? Even if we weren't talked out rap, there were plenty of good verses found on this farewell gem.
  • "It was ultimately nominated in no categories whatsoever at the ceremony in 2017, which Sam Rullo of the publication viewed as a snub." I wholeheartedly agree. Most of the noms went to "Ultralight Beam", which lost to this non-rap song. Just another instance that proves award shows are pointless.
  • Yeah don't get me wrong "Ultralight Beam" is an amazing song. But the entire 2010s decade they did West dirty. I mean, not nominating MBDTF for Album of the Year? What kind of BS is that? They also completely overlooked KSG and Ye in 2019. I remember Yeezus hardly won anything either. It's why idc about award shows like the Grammys cuz music is entirely subjective. – zmbro (talk) 18:21, 15 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Commercial performance

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  • Looks good
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  • "In March 2016, West's sister-in-law Kendall Jenner named the track as her favourite song from the album.[52]" Personally don't see the point of having this. Also, it's "favorite" here in the states
  • "Erykah Badu responded to Kendrick Lamar's name–drop of her in it in July 2016, tweeting that he "ain't called me since y'all made up some s[hi]t about us being in the trailer makin' out so he missed his award."[54] A photograph of the two of them at the 2013 BET Awards accompanied the tweet, which the text was in reference to." This can be condensed to "Erykah Badu responded to Kendrick Lamar's name–drop of her in it in July 2016, tweeting a photograph of the two of them at the 2013 BET Awards and writing, "[he] ain't called me since y'all made up some s[hi]t about us being in the trailer makin' out so he missed his award."
  • Not really sure how much of the rest is needed, or if it qualifies WP:TRIVIA
  • I did remove the video essay since that is quite trivial, but the rest I believe is not especially the usage for other recordings since they were not just sampling brief parts of the song --K. Peake 21:38, 14 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Credits and personnel

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  • Looks good, although I'd spell out California

Charts

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  • Looks good

Certifications

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  • Looks good

References

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  • Fix the red link in ref 28
  • Add David Jeffries to ref 20 (AllMusic)
  • Rest honestly look good

Concensus

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  • Overall looks good. We definitely have many different writing styles but that's the pros and cons of this site. Should be a GA once these are resolved. On hold for now. – zmbro (talk) 19:26, 14 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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