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Reviewer: Retrohead (talk · contribs) 15:04, 27 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]


Before I review the prose, I want to ask if there's a style guide for music genres? I haven't noticed one at Wikipedia:WikiProject Music/Music genres task force, but I'm asking in case I'm missing something.--Retrohead (talk) 15:04, 27 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Sourcing
  • Most of the references seem appropriate. What caught my eye was no. 42–the article by Trevor Nelson, which seems to be self-published.
Yes, but he's associated with bbc radio 1, whose listed he republished on his website. per WP:SPS, "Self-published expert sources may be considered reliable when produced by an established expert on the subject matter, whose work in the relevant field has previously been published by reliable third-party publications" Dan56 (talk) 22:14, 27 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reference 56 is dead link, and obviously from unreliable source (ConcertTour.org), even though the journalist is accredited with name.
Fixed. Dan56 (talk) 22:28, 27 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Other dead links: 10 and 21.
10 has a WebCite archive included in the citation, fixed 21. Dan56 (talk) 22:28, 27 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • There is inconsistency with the "access date" field from the citation template. The majority of the references contain that parameter, but other ones, such as the Chicago Tribune or Billboard, don't.
Done, I've added retrieval dates manually. Dan56 (talk) 22:39, 27 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • What page from the McIver book is cited? Also, wasn't he a heavy metal writer?
The title of the book actually lol. I think he's written on other styles as well, and this book in particular is referred to in Larkin's Encylcopedia ([1]) Dan56 (talk) 22:39, 27 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • The title on ref 46 has "Original Soundtrack" written twice. While that is how it is displayed at Allmusic, I suggest losing the one in brackets.
Done. Dan56 (talk) 22:39, 27 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Staff" or "columnist" aren't meant to be put in the "author" filed. That is for journalist names only.
Done. Dan56 (talk) 22:39, 27 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • The article by Ben Ratliff is already cited in the references, so I suggest omitting it from 'Further reading'.
Done. Dan56 (talk) 22:39, 27 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • The 'See also' section should feature other Wikipedia articles, not categories. If List of neo soul singers existed, then it might have been more appropriate than the category of the same name.
Removed. Dan56 (talk) 22:39, 27 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Media
  • The duration of "Something to Hold on To" is 4:06, which means the maximum portion allowed to use is approximately 24 seconds. The fair use rationale would benefit from some formatting.
Reduced. Dan56 (talk) 16:01, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Images are under free use. I should note that incorporating image size is not necessarily needed since pictures appear differently at various computers. Alt text could be useful for screen readers.
Rm. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Prose
  • Why is neo soul placed in quote marks? The opening sentence should contain the bolded name of the article, and the article's title is not in quotes.
Removed. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • The first citation could be omitted from the lead. I see that the origin of the term is explained in the 'Etymology' section, so the cite there is redundant. Same for the rest of the references in the lead.
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Can you describe who is Mark Anthony Neal without the reader entering his article?
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "coined" is a common verb, and as such shouldn't be linked to etymology.
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "commercial breakthrough" is repeated in two back-to-back sentences. Can you shake the prose a bit here? Same for "coined" and "coinage"
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "viewing that it can be seen as contrived" is a bit wordy, and ineptly written (using two verbs with the same meaning "see" and "view")
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • According to my rough estimation, the 'Etymology' has more quotations than prose. Can you paraphrase one or two of these?
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • You can safely drop "ultimately" from the next section without losing the meaning of the sentence.
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Anne Danielson wrote, since the book is already published.
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • The term "neo soul artists" is overly repeated here. For example, "have viewed neo soul artists' lyrical content" could be trimmed to "have viewed the lyrical content".
Done, reduced. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • raison d'être could be linked, since not all readers know its meaning.
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Another copyedit: "Neo soul's origins lie" to "Neo soul originated..."
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
It was coined for a particular radio format in the late '70s, but eventually writers began to treat it as such. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why are Zhané, Groove Theory, Joi, Tony Rich, and Me'Shell NdegéOcello mentioned here? What was their contribution to the genre? Listing them like that seems that they were randomly picked.
Rearranged to introduce them after Farley's quote. Dan56 (talk)
  • The artist should be written with full name and linked only at his/her introduction in the article. For example, R. Kelly is linked more than once; Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill, Raphael Saadiq, etc. should be mentioned with last name in further discussion.
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • de-link honorific title
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "popular neo soul artists in recent years have included"–you mean are, right?
Done. Dan56 (talk) 15:13, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Spotchecks
  • "Dusting of Old King Soul" (Greg Kot)—D'Angelo's Brown Sugar is not credited as inspiration for coining the term.
I mistook the second page's mention (start of the term vs. star of the genre as a movement). Removed. Dan56 (talk) 15:34, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • The Billboard phrasing is properly done. I assume that Saadiq's statement was used for "soul music had ended at some point in time".
  • Refs 58 and 59—only Badu is mentioned in the first, while the second leads to wrong entry
I've added an archive of the original link. Dan56 (talk) 15:34, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
K, Retrohead. Let me know if I missed anything or if there are other issues to resolve. Thx for the review! Dan56 (talk) 16:01, 1 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
The corrections were well done. The article is ready to go.--Retrohead (talk) 06:13, 2 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
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