Talk:Mia Wray/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sebbirrrr (talk · contribs) 10:21, 1 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hi there. I'll be reviewing this article as part of the current backlog drive.

No need to link the awards since they're located in the same page
Reading ahead I saw that she describes herself as "a soul, blues and folk musician" however the music genres included in the infobox should be the ones that publications have used when talking about her
Remove independent from the parantheses

You shouldn't have one-sentence paragraphs
Link "independently" to Self-publishing
"at the 2021 AIR Awards, Best Solo Artist" → "at the 2021 AIR Awards and for Best Solo Artist"
The lead should be one paragraph instead of four, since the paragraphs comprise of either one or two sentences

The source does not state that her parents inherited the piano, nor does it state that they moved it into her room
"to parents Carolyn and her father" → this reads weird and unless there is more information on her parents, it should be removed
Since this section is relatively short, it should be combined with the career section and renamed to "Life and career"
You shouldn't have one-sentence paragraphs

This section should go after the career section
You shouldn't have one-sentence paragraphs
"Wray described herself at the time" → "At the time, Wray described herself"
The bit about her favourite musicians should be at the end of the paragraph
The "favourable comparisons" bit can go after the genres her music has been described as since they go hand in hand

Per the comment from early life, this should be renamed to "Life and Career"
"2011–2019: Breakthrough and Mia Wray" → "1995–2019: Early life, breakthrough and independent releases"
"2020–2021" → "2020–present" (I assume she still makes music)
From what I see, almost all sentences begin with "On [date]"
Remove redlinks on Caloundra Music Festival, The State of Music and Northcote Social Club
"Mia Wray.[4] Mia Wray" → "Mia Wray.[4] The extended play" to avoid repetition
"Send Me Your Love. Send Me Your Love" → "Send Me Your Love. It" same thing as above
The "2020–present" section needs to broken in smaller paragraphs
This section goes into too much detail about her performances, only the notable ones should be included
Remove the second link on "premiere"

Remove the ref next to the CD under Mia Wray
Remove independent from the parantheses and link Mia Wray to Self-publishing for the first EP
Remove red-link on Aslove
She's the only one who performs "Where I Stand", she's not singing it alongside various artists
"Blue Bird" is spelled as "Bluebird" in the source

That format of awards and nominations has been deprecated, they should all be listed in one table, check List of awards and nominations received by Kylie Minogue to see how it should look like now
What makes the Telstra Road to Discovery Program notable?

Unfortunately I have to fail this article. Aside from a few formatting issues and some repetition, the main issue here is that the career section (which is the core part of the article and needs to be re-written) goes into too much detail and almost all of the sentences begin with "On [date]", which I don't think can be revised in 7 days. The article has potential to become a GA though so don't feel discouraged. Sebbirrrr (talk) 15:48, 1 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]