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Talk:Metamorfosis World Tour/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 15:15, 23 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

General comments

  • The tenses need checking. It is now longer "current" so "it was a tour" for example.
    Done.
  • The lead doesn't reflect the fact the tour has finished either.
    Done.
  • "is the first tour before abandoning Warner Music to become" a bit emotive, perhaps "is his first tour before leaving Warner Music to become..."
    Done.
  • "with dates for American, Argentinian and Chilean venues revealed." you don't link USA but you do Argentina and Chile, no need.
    Done.
  • " of four ambiences on top of a rotatory stage through which Arjona performs and each one of them are directly related to the songs being performed" this isn't great English, it needs a proper copyedit, I don't even really understand it.
    Did my best rewording it. I wrote that sentence so long ago...
  • "and fourth and final stage a theatre" no need for "and final".
  • Fixed with above
  • "On Buenos Aires, it" you mean "In Buenos Aires"?
    <.<
  • "attended ... attendance" repetitive.
    Done.
  • "As of April 2012" it's finished and it's now June 2013, needs update.
    Updated.
  • "Fellow guatemalan singer-songwriter" capital G for guatemalan. Check whole article.
    On it.
  • "The tour follows his past Quinto Piso Tour," no need for "past".
    Done.
  • In infobox, surely tour years are 2012–13, not just 2012?
    Done.
  • "Independiente is Arjona's" was.
    Done.
  • "to refocus his career" is that something he said? If so, it should be quoted and attributed.
  • "photographer-director" en-dash (as you use en-dash for singer–songwriter).
  • "Although the album is ..." was.
  • What are these "ambiences"?
  • "through which Arjona performs along seven musicians and one showgirl" needs work.
  • Done
  • "50 people are..." avoid stating sentences with numbers.
  • Done
  • "150 illumination lights," ditto.
  • Done
  • For "movable" do you really mean "mobile"?
  • Yep

In general a heavy copyedit would be in order.

I agree. I will try to copyedit this whole article ASAP. Thanks :) — ΛΧΣ21 03:09, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments specific to GAN criteria

  1. Well-written:  Fail (see above)
  2. Verifiable:  Pass
  3. Broad:  Pass
  4. Neutral: ? (see above)
  5. Stable:  Pass
  6. Illustrated:  Pass

Currently I consider this GAN to be on hold pending the resolution of the above. The Rambling Man (talk) 15:34, 23 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll give it a thorough copyedit in the next day or so. All the best, Miniapolis 17:59, 29 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • It appears that Miniapolis did the copyedit that evening. Was it sufficient? I've just added a missing "url=" parameter to one of the references so it no longer shows an error. Where does the article stand now? BlueMoonset (talk) 14:35, 4 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Further comments

  • Non-English-language sources should use a language template.
    • Done.
  • Can you check that those pre-collapsed tables are okay per WP:COLLAPSE?
    • I think they are, yes.
  • Still conflict of "singer–songwriter" and "singer-songwriter" and "photographer-director".
    • Ok, I think i finally handled this.
  • Don't think "lights" needs to be wikilinked.
    • Delinked that and a couple more things.
  • "Panoramic photography of the stage" well I don't think the "Panoramic photography of..." is needed. That much is obvious to the observer.
    • Fixed.

The Rambling Man (talk) 18:12, 4 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! — ΛΧΣ21 18:18, 19 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]