Talk:Mass Effect (video game)/GA1
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Reviewer: Cognissonance (talk · contribs) 20:41, 21 October 2016 (UTC)
I like how the article looks. Let's see how we can get it to status. Cognissonance (talk) 20:41, 21 October 2016 (UTC)
Lead
[edit]- critical acclaim — Per Metacritic: "universal acclaim".
- I don't think the game qualifies for "universal acclaim" because the PC and PS3 versions received "generally favorable" reviews according to Metacritic, so it's 2 vs 1. The game also received a fair amount of criticism by multiple publications, and Metacritic scores should not be used as a barometer in order to prove whether it's "universal acclaim" or not because individual scores can be pretty inconsistent.
Gameplay
[edit]- "which depend on the class the player chose" — Present tense consistency: "which depend on the class chosen by the player".
- Fixed
- "each class is only effective on the weapons" — Improve prose: "each class is only effective with the weapons".
- Fixed
- "Most of the game's main quests are combat missions, while secondary quests generally involve the player gathering items or interacting with non-player characters" is identical to what it says in the lead. Rewrite so that it presents the information differently.
- Done
Combat
[edit]- "the player can pause the action to show up the squad's user interface" — Simplify: "the player can pause the action to display the squad's user interface".
- Fixed
- "the player can use grenades which can latch" — Minimize repetition: "the player can use grenades which latch".
- Fixed
Synopsis
[edit]Setting and characters
[edit]- Commander Shepard — Link to Commander Shepard
- Already wikilinked in the Gameplay sections. It is not recomended to duplicate wikilinks in the body, per Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Linking.
- Consider adding the images of Mark Meer and Jennifer Hale from the character's Wiki to illustrate the text.
- Done
Plot
[edit]- "There, Shepards learns that" — Correction: "There, Shepard learns that".
- Fixed
Development
[edit]- "originally for the Xbox successor, the Xbox 360" — Simplify: "originally for its successor, the Xbox 360".
- Fixed
- "and having a big technological basis" — Minimize repetition: "and having a considerable technological basis".
- Done
- "This approach allows us to create that kind of truly unprecedented level of intensity and cinematic power, while giving the player as much customization and role-playing ability as we've ever offered before" should be paraphrased.
- Done
- Amped News Xbox 360 (source 18) doesn't connect to the original url. Add the parameter deadurl=yes to the code so it links to the archived version.
- Done
- "create conversations where characters would converse" — Minimize repetition: "create conversations where characters would speak".
- Fixed
- "Creating a big sense of discovery was a major goal" — Minimize repetition: "Creating a great sense of discovery was a major goal".
- Fixed
- Add deadurl=yes to source 25 as well.
- Done
- An image of either lead writer Drew Karpyshyn or composer Jack Wall needs to be inserted.
- Added an image of Jack Wall
- "Although each of the game's planets" — Minimize repetition: "Despite that each of the game's planets".
- Changed it to "Despite of the fact that + [sentence]" as "Despite that + [sentence]" is not correct.
- "and Karpyshyn had to make sure" — Improve prose: "and it behoved Karpyshyn to make sure".
- Done
- "the amount of volume they had to write" — Improve prose: "the amount of volume required of them to write".
- I don't think "required of them to write" is gramatically correct. It doesn't sound right in my opinion.
- "were major influences on the atmosphere" — Minimize repetition: "were significant influences on the atmosphere".
- Done
- "marry the electronic instrument palatte" — Clarify: "marry the electronic instrument palatte [sic]". You may also link to Sic.
- Done
- "Although a total of 110 minutes of music was written" — Minimize repetition: "While a total of 110 minutes of music was written".
- Done
Marketing and release
[edit]- Xbox 360 — Link to Xbox 360
- Already wikilinked in the Development section.
Downloadable content
[edit]- IGN — Link to IGN
- Already wikilinked in the Marketing and release section.
- Microsoft Windows — Link to Microsoft Windows
- Already wikilinked in the Marketing and release section.
- "divided up into four" — Simplify: "divided into four".
- Done
Reception
[edit]- "Mass Effect received critical acclaim" — Per Metacritic: "Mass Effect received universal acclaim".
- Same as above
- IGN — Link to IGN
- Already wikilinked in the Marketing and release section.
- "The publication also criticized cast of characters" — Improve flow: "The publication also criticized the cast of characters".
- Fixed
- Eurogamer — Link to Eurogamer
- Already wikilinked in the Downloadable content section.
- "which confuses players before they know what the main game is all about" — WP:POV: "observing that it would confuse players before being privy to what the main game was about".
- I prefer "observing that it would confuse players before they know what the main game is about" because it's simpler.
- "did not blend well with its action elements" — Minimize repetition: "did not blend well with its action".
- Done
- "but the Mako sections were criticized" — Minimize repetition: "but the Mako sections were disparaged".
- Done
Accolades
[edit]- "their list of The Top 25" — Improve flow: "their list of Top 25".
- Done
Controversy
[edit]- "came under fire" can be made more formal with "came under scrutiny".
- Fixed
- "Kevin McCullough, who employed false statements such as" — WP:POV: "Kevin McCullough, who employed statements such as"
- Done
Sequel
[edit]- "With the use of a completed saved game" — Clarify: "With the import of a completed saved game".
- Done
- "received numerous year-end awards" — Minimize repetition: "received multiple year-end awards".
- Done
- Industry Gamers (source 115) was 404 Not Found and needs the deadurl=yes parameter.
- Done
Overall
[edit]- It is reasonably well written.
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (reference section):
b (citations to reliable sources):
c (OR):
d (copyvio and plagiarism):
- Sources 18, 25 and 115 need repair.
- a (reference section):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects):
b (focused):
- a (major aspects):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Solely in reference to reception and controversy sections.
- Fair representation without bias:
- It is stable.
- No edit wars, etc.:
- No edit wars, etc.:
- It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
- a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):
b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- Not where possible.
- a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):
- Overall: It doesn't take much to improve the article and satisfy... The Criteria. Putting it on hold for now.
- Pass/Fail:
- Pass/Fail:
Thank you for your detailed and excellent review, really appreciated. I fixed most of the issues you brought up and left some comments above. Please let me know what you think. Thanks! --Niwi3 (talk) 12:17, 22 October 2016 (UTC)
- It is reasonably well written.
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Pass/Fail:
- @Niwi3: All is sated. Cognissonance (talk) 15:38, 22 October 2016 (UTC)
- Fair representation without bias: